Fantastic Four #275Fantastic Four #275
Title: “The Naked Truth”
Writer: John Byrne
Penciller: John Byrne
Inker: Al Gordon
Colors: Glynis Wein
Editor: Michael Carlin
She-Hulk is lying out on the top of the
Baxter Building sunbathing. She is lying on her stomach with her
top undone. Suddenly her beach towel starts whipping around.
She-Hulk looks over to see where all the wind is coming from and
spots a helicopter coming up over the top of the roof. Inside the
copter, the pilot says that he told the man that she has been up
there everyday for the last month sunning herself. His passenger
asks who cares and that she is no good to him covered up. The
pilot says that the “the wash from our big ol’
fan” should take care of that. The wind blows so strongly
that She-Hulk is tossed about as her clothes are being blown
away. Inside the copter, Cooley the pilot tells his passenger to
get the pictures. The man says not to tell him how to do his job
as he clicks away. The helicopter starts flying away. She-Hulk
ties her little top around herself. She says that she was all
prepared for a super-villain and instead she gets photographed by
an airborne peeping tom. She-Hulk leaps off the top of the Baxter
Building and grabs the leg of the helicopter. 
She suggests
that they land and talk this over. She-Hulk doesn’t get an
answer and rips the call letters off the radio station that the
helicopter belongs to. She says that she doesn’t want to
have to wreck this thing. Cooley tells the photographer to hold
on and that he is going to try and shake her off.
Back at the Baxter Building, a shirtless Wyatt Wingfoot re-emerges on the roof with the article that he had been telling She-Hulk about. He sees that she is gone and then looks off in the distance and spots her hanging from the helicopter. He thinks that the helicopter isn’t the type of thing that he would associate with an FF enemy, but that he better follow her just to be sure she can handle it. He rushes below and grabs a pogo plane to follow up.
She-Hulk is still hanging from the helicopter and decides that one of the drawbacks of being a good guy is that no one believes you when you threaten “major carnage”. She says that they think that she is going to play nice, but that it is time for her to enlighten them. Suddenly, She-Hulk’s fist comes up through the floor of the helicopter. The pilot freaks out and starts flying straight towards a building. She-Hulk crashes right through a window into an office building. She goes through three more walls and then falls to the floor. The people recognize her as the She-Hulk, and one even knows that she is no longer with the Avengers and has moved to the Fantastic Four.
Wyatt saw She-Hulk smash into the building. He figures that she probably smashed pretty deep into the building. He flies around the outside and calls to her. She-Hulk says that her “favorite Indian brave” is there to rescue her. She leaps out of the building and onto Wyatt’s pogo plane. She says that they have a helicopter to catch. Wyatt says that she has to be kidding. He says that this is New York and that the sky is full of helicopters. He asks her which one she wants him to chase. She-Hulk says that there is more than one way to skin a peeping tom. She says that she is still a lawyer, which means that she is ten- percent private detective. She-Hulk tells Wyatt to take her back to the Baxter Building because she has a call to make.
At WXIT, Bill Watkins’ secretary Hideko tells him that he has a call from a Jennifer Walters. She tells him that she says that she is the lawyer for the Fantastic Four. Bill Watkins tells her that their helicopter would be up in the air at this hour. He says that he pilot would usually be Dan Cooley and that they have their own private landing field over in Jersey. She-Hulk gets the address from him and says that she will be in touch. Wyatt asks if she met with success. She-Hulk says that it is a lead, but that she thinks she will change into something more professional before following it up. She says that after she changes that she is headed to New Jersey if he is interested. Wyatt says that he is and tells her to lead the way.
Twenty minutes later in New Jersey, Cooley is under the helicopter looking at the big hole in the floor. He says that the boss is going to have kittens. Cooley spots the She-Hulk coming at him and tries to leave, but She-Hulk grabs him and holds him in the air with one finger. She says that she believes that he has some information for her. Cooley asks what she means and She-Hulk says that she wants to know who the “nosy little friend with the camera” is and where she can find him. Cooley says that if he tells her that he won’t get the thousand bucks that he promised him and that he needs that money to fix the damage she did to the helicopter. He says that if his boss sees what happened to the copter that he will fire him. She-Hulk tells Wyatt to hold Cooley. She-Hulk picks the helicopter up with one hand and holds it over her head. She wonders aloud how hard it would hit if she threw it two or three hundred feet into the air. Cooley panics and says that he will talk.
At Alicia Masters’ apartment, Alicia walks down the stairs from her bedroom. She calls out to see if Johnny is still there. Johnny says that he is in the kitchen. Alicia asks if he is okay and says that he doesn’t sound good. Torch says that he is okay, but that he is sorry about last night. Alicia asks what there is to be sorry for unless he is sorry that it happened. Torch says that it isn’t that. He says that he just feels that he took advantage of their friendship. Alicia says that they neither of them are children. She says that what happened was beautiful and that it happened because they both wanted it to. Alicia says that they shouldn’t spoil it with needless recriminations. Alicia kisses Johnny.
On “one of the less glamorous corners of Broadway’s great white way”, a human shaped Jennifer Walters walks into a seedy looking building with Wyatt. Wyatt asks if she is sure that she wants to handle it this way. Jen says that there are laws in this country and that it is best to let them work for them as best they can. Wyatt says that he is just worried about her confronting Vance in her human form. Jen says that he is very sweet, but with him acting as her bodyguard that she doubts there will be much to worry about. Jen says that she is more worried about catching an infection from touching the elevator button. She says that she loves New York, but that places like this make her miss Los Angeles. Wyatt says that he is sure there are some less desirable places there as well. He says that every fabulous place has its seamier side. As they get off the elevator, Jen says that she supposes that is true, but that New York seems to have cornered the market on sleaze. She says that she guesses that is the price it pays for being the capital of the world. The best and worst of everything. Jen says that speaking of the worst they are at their target for the day. She says that it had to be “The Naked Truth”. She says that magazine makes Hustler look like the Congressional Report.
Jen walks in with Wyatt and says that she has an appointment with Mr. Vance. TJ Vance, an old man with a horrid hairpiece, comes out and says that he is happy to meet her. Jen says that she didn’t expect him to be so happy to see her. Vance tells her to call him “Teej” and says that he has always had a strong relationship with people of her profession. He asks if she saw the “Ladies of the Law” pictorial they did. Jen says that she must have missed that one. Vance admits that they were legal secretaries and that most of them were out of work, but that it was a classy one. Vance tells Wyatt to excuse them while they go into his office to chat. Wyatt gets right up into Vance’s face and says that he will be accompanying Miss Walters inside. “Teej” says that whatever he wants is okay. Vance asks them to forgive the mess, but that doing a monthly magazine doesn’t leave much time for housekeeping. Jen starts in with Mr. Vance. He tells her to call him “Teej” again, but she presses on calling him Mr. Vance again. Jen says that she is the lawyer for the She-Hulk and that it is on her behalf that she has come. Vance says that he knows that, but asks her what the problem is. Jen says that surely he is not going to deny that he has unauthorized photos of her client. Vance asks why he should deny it. He says that he took the pictures himself and that they are some of his best work. Jen says that she demands that Mr. Vance turn over all photographs, film, and negatives that he has on it. Vance says that he isn’t doing anything of the kind and that these photos are going to be bigger than the Vanessa Williams scoop. Jen says that under her real name that the She-Hulk is a member of all the show business unions, such as SAG, AFTRA, and Equity. She says that if he publishes the pictures without a signed release, or without paying the minimum established scale, that he will find himself facing the full force of those organizations. Vance says that he has been polite up until now, but that she needs to learn the facts of life. Vance says that She-Hulk is a public figure, and that just like Jackie Onassis and Greta Garbo, that she can’t stop them from printing pictures of them in the buff. Vance says that She-Hulk had better get used to the idea that she can’t go around exposing herself in public. Jen slips up, “I was not exposing… I mean… my client was on top a thirty-five story building and discreetly covered up until you came along with your helicopter. Vance says to tell it to the Marines. He says that She-Hulk is a public figure and therefore public domain. He says that this is the sweetest deal, and that he isn’t going to let her mess it up for him. He says that the pictures are already on their way to a waiting issue and that he has pre-sold three million copies. He says that his magazine hasn’t sold more than a hundred thousand a month in ten years of publishing. Vance walks over to this safe and says that all the checks and money are in his safe, and that “if She-Hulk wants her share… she can just go whistle for it!” Vance slams his safe shut.
Vance says that he doesn’t want her trip there to be a total waste and says that maybe they can work out their own deal. Jen says that she doesn’t follow him. Vance says that she looks like she has a good build under her suit, a little skinny for him. Jen says that he isn’t suggesting that she pose. He says that as the FF’s lawyer that he would give her cover billing. Jen calls him a slimy worm. She says that she has always been against censorship of any kind, but that he makes a good argument for book burning. “Teej” starts getting in Jen’s face, but without a word Jen tears through her lawyer’s outfit as she turns into the She-Hulk. Vance watches her transform and he has to look so high that his toupee falls off. He says that if she lays one finger on him that he will sue her. She-Hulk says that she isn’t going to touch him because she doesn’t want to risk getting slime on her hands. She says that she is there to do him a favor. She explains that she is worried about him having all that money lying around. Vance says that busting into his safe is a felony. She-Hulk says that she isn’t going to bust into, but that instead she is going to improve it for him. She-Hulk crushes Vance’s safe into a metal ball. She says that now no one will be able to get at his loot. She hands Vance the safe, which falls to the ground, as he has no chance of supporting its weight.
She-Hulk and Wyatt walk out of the office. She tells Wyatt that she saw a Big Bun down the street and that he can buy her a hamburger and help her cheer up. Wyatt asks what there is to cheer up about. He says that surely she has won. She-Hulk says that it was a pyrrhic victory at best. She says that she can’t go smash up presses and distribution system so the pictures are still going to see print.
Three weeks later, Sue stands in the doorway
watching Franklin play. Reed walks up to Sue with his arm in a
sling. He asks her if she is okay and says that he has been
calling to her for some time now. Sue apologizes and says that
she was just watching Franklin. She starts to say that it is hard
to believe that two days ago something happened, but Reed cuts
her off before she indicates what it was and says that it is best
not to think about it. He says that it defies analysis and that
it is best not to think about it. Reed says that they still have
their tickets to “Little Shop of Horrors” and that it
is best to carry on. Reed notices that She-Hulk looks depressed
as well and asks if there is anything wrong. She-Hulk says that
she is just a little down since that “wretched magazine hits
the newsstands”. Torch flies through the window and says
that an actual copy of the magazine might cheer her up. She-Hulk
tells him that it isn’t funny. Johnny says that it actually
is. He asks her if she recalls how they told them that TJ Vance
was in such a rush to get her pictures printed. He says that it
looks like he was in such a rush that he forgot to tell the
printers that the pictures were of a green lady, and so the
printers color-corrected them. Johnny shows her a picture and
She-Hulk sees that the pictures are of a Caucasian woman. Torch
says that the same thing happened to an early Star Trek episode.
She-Hulk looks through all the pictures and sees that there is no
way to tell it is her because there is nothing to give her scale.
She-Hulk says that she could kiss Torch. Torch tells her that he
is just the bringer of good news and that she can save the kisses
for Wyatt. 
Torch says that
if he can have his magazine back that he thinks he has some green
tinted glasses in his room. She-Hulk gives him the magazine, but
then realizes what he would want green tinted glasses for.
She-Hulk starts chasing Torch down the hallway.
First Family rating: 8.5 out of 10
Sure you may find the issue somewhat misogynistic, but you have to admit that it is compelling. Reminds me of an old episode of WKRP in Cincinnati where Loni Anderson’s character gets photographed in the nude unbeknownst to her. My only really problem with the issue is that I don’t understand why destroying a safe with the payment of three million issues worth of funds is not considered criminal. Destruction of private property is still a crime as far as I know. Byrne does a great job with the art in this issue. The issue itself was somewhat groundbreaking and the naughty bits are much more concealed than it probably would be today, but Byrne will keep trying have no fear.