Marvel Fanfare #29

Title: “A Terrible Thing to Waste…”

Writer: John Byrne

Penciller: John Byrne

Inker: John Byrne

Colors: Andy Yunchus

Editor: Al Milgrom

A Native-American man has been sitting on a rock for the past three days doing nothing but bracing against the night’s cold and smoking. Next to him is a pained rock sticking out of the ground. He sits waiting. The Hulk arrives. For long moments the Hulk just stands there looking down at the old man that hasn’t moved at all, save to smoke, since Hulk arrived. Hulk raises his fist up and gets ready to pulverize the old man. The old man looks up at Hulk and says one word, “Friend”. Hulk pauses… his hand still raised in the air. The man repeats the word again. Hulk strains against his restraint. He wants to smash the old man, but something in him tells him not to. The old man says, “Friend” again. The old man tells Hulk, “Sit”. Hulk does as the old man says. Hulk had wanted to strike and kill, but now he decides not to.

Hulk watches as the old man walks over to the smoldering rock. The old man sprinkles some powder on the smoldering rock. Suddenly the smoky vapors from the rock fill the air. Hulk feels no danger. He sits there and lets the smoke surround him. The old man pulls out a high tech gadget. He says that the reports indicate that the Hulk is completely mindless now that he no longer has Banner’s intellect, but that the neuro-tranqualizing vapors are having the predicted effect. He says that he is calm and almost unaware of him. The old man says that it is almost as if he is thinking. He says that he can’t concern himself with that right now. He says that the scanner shows that the targets are approaching fast, and that he has just enough time to get to cover.

The Hulk sits there thinking. His head is filled with images of Bruce Banner, Rick Jones, The Gargoyle, Thunderbolt Ross, the Metal Master, The Avengers, Namor, Spider-Man, Tyrannus, the Fantastic Four, Mongu, Betty Ross, the Toad Men, Glorian, Dr. Strange, Juggernaut, Doc Samson, the Silver Surfer, the Leader, MODOK, Shaper, Abomination, the U-Foes, Wolverine, Moonstone, Ringmaster, Rhino, Stingray, the Soviet Super Soldiers, Jack of Hearts, Sasquatch, and Zzzax.

Behind the Hulk, a voice whispers that the Hulk is there just like they were told. Another voice tells him to shut up and that the Hulk will hear him. If the Hulk hears he doesn’t respond. He is too distracted by the images that dance in his head. Suddenly, a gleaming golden chain wraps around the Hulk’s neck. Hulk is pulled away from the images in his head by the burning caused by the chain. Hammer tells Hulk that there is no need to fight. Anvil says, “Hammer and Anvil are back in town!” They hold their chain tight against the Hulk’s throat, but Hulk grabs the chain with his hands and pulls Hammer and Anvil forward relieving the pressure on his neck. Anvil says that Hulk shouldn’t have been able to do that. He says that he is supposed to be brainless. Hammer says that even a bug will fight for its own life. As Hammer gets up he starts telling Anvil to get up as well, but he is shot full force in the face. Hammer’s face is gone. His body goes limp and falls to the ground. Anvil scoops Hammer up and presses his now gone face against his body trying to help him. Anvil says that Hammer can’t be dead. He says that the alien that gave him the chain linked them together like Siamese twins. He says that it is like they are one guy. He says that if Hammer dies that Anvil dies too. Anvil slumps over Hammer’s body. A voice shouts, “Justice is served!” Hulk hears a van driving away. He walks over and sees all these clothes on the ground. Hulk sees the face of the old Native American man on the ground. Hulk picks it up and says, “…friend…?”

CONTINUES CHRONOLOGICALLY IN INCREDIBLE HULK VOL. 2 #314

Leader’s Lair rating: 5.5 out of 10

Byrne kind of drops the ball on this issue. I LOVE, absolutely love, that Byrne brought back Hammer and Anvil. They are without a doubt the most underrated and underused villain duo in the MU! But here’s the problem… he brings them back and then kills them… for a storyline that had already wrapped in Captain America #320… under false pretenses. It seems like their first appearance is the only one Byrne is familiar with, or he would know that in Hammer and Anvil’s later appearance that they had a chain that was synthesized and not the one the alien gave them, but even so I’m not sure why Byrne doesn’t remember that in that self same issue of Hulk… Hammer and Anvil’s chain was broken! If they were Siamese twins then the Hulk was the surgeon that separated them. Bring back Hammer and Anvil! The art is outstanding for what it is. The panel where Hammer is shot in the face looks awkward and beneath Byrne’s immense style. 4.5 out of 5 for art.

Title: “Story”

Writer: Norm Breyfogle

Penciller: Norm Breyfogle

Inker: Norm Breyfogle

Colors: Bob Sharen

Editor: Al Milgrom

At Filmore Elementary, a bully waits for his prey to come around a corner. There is a newspaper on the ground that says that “Colossal” Craig escaped. A boy wearing glasses walks around and the bully pushes his books to the ground. The boy calls the bully a bully, but the bully slams the kid against the ground and calls him a pansy while slapping him in the face.

Suddenly, a car screeches and hits a streetlamp. Colossal Craig gets out of the car and runs at the kids toward the school. He scoops the two boys up in one arm. Captain America pulls up on his motorcycle and tells Craig to hold it. Craig holds the gun to the pansy’s head and tells Cap to back off.

Inside the school, Craig takes the boys into a classroom. He sees red and white stripes through the window and fires at it. The stripes wind up coming from the flag outside. Captain America leaps through the other window. He hits Craig’s hand with the gun using his shield. Cap kicks and punches Craig in the face. Craig blocks a shot and hits Cap. Craig lifts a desk over his head to hit Cap with, but Cap rolls out of the way. Craig throws the desk at Cap. Craig picks up a chair to hit Cap with, but when he looks he is hit in the face by a blackboard eraser. Cap hits Craig four times until Craig grabs Cap in a bear hug. Cap strains and then boxes Craig’s ears. While Craig reels in pain, Cap grabs a fire extinguisher and sprays it in Craig’s face. Craig dives for his gun, but cap rolls in and gets it first. He tosses it aside. Craig rushes him, but Cap keeps fighting until Craig drops. The bully and the pansy shake hands.

The next morning… the bully wakes up in his house and starts reading a book on the atom. The pansy gets up and starts doing push ups.

Leader’s Lair rating: 5 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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