X-Factor #71

Title:  “Cutting the Mustard”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Larry Stroman

Inker: Al Milgrom

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bob Harras

Guido says, “Pardon me… ya got any Grey Poupon?” Lorna says, “Of course we do… Guido is it?” Guido says, “Guido it is” Lorna continues, “Of course we do, Guido-it-is”. She says that this is X-Factor and that they have an armory, vehicles, and Grey Poupon. Guido says, “So tell me, Mz… Dane is it?” Lorna says, “Dane it is. Lorna.” Guido continues, “You one’a those types what babbles when they’re nervous, Dane-it-is-Lorna?” Lorna tosses Guido the Grey Poupon and asks if it is that obvious. She says that the guy they are looking at to run the operation has a history with her. Jamie Madrox struggles with a mayonnaise jar. Lorna says that if Alex comes that it will be the first time in ages where there won’t be anything to keep them apart. Guido asks if Lorna wants him to hose them down. Lorna says that isn’t the problem though Guido might have to, but that then again he might not have to. She says that so much has happened to them both in body and mind that she doesn’t know if there is a relationship for them to go back to. Madrox hits the mayo jar and creates a dupe of himself. He tells the dupe to give him a hand. Guido says that if this guy is dumb enough to let her go that it clears the way for them. Lorna asks Guido if he means him and her. She says that they don’t really know one another. Guido says that a 90’s guy like him says what he feels. He says that some “blork” might have a problem with that, but that he will defenestrate him. Jamie hands Guido the mayo jar, but Guido can’t open it either. Lorna says to give it to her and asks what a “blork” is. Guido says that he can’t get into it with ladies present. Lorna says that even her magnetic powers won’t open the jar. She says that she has better things to do. Madrox asks what that is. Lorna says that she needs some place to live. She says that Jamie might have friends touring Europe that want him to house sit for them, but that some of them don’t have things handed to them. Madrox asks if it is his fault that he has rich friends. Lorna says that it is and looks at the paper. She thinks to herself that she really hopes Alex takes the job, and is petrified that he will.

In Genosha, Alex tells Val that he isn’t interested. Val says that she doesn’t think that he realizes the importance of what they are discussing. Alex says that he doesn’t think that she understands the importance of what he is doing now. He says that they are building a mutate residence on the location of the former Genosha citadel. He says that it will be a place where mutates can develop a feeling of community. Val says that it sounds like a ghetto. Alex says that this is state of the art and not run down. Val says that she said “ghetto” not “tenement”. She says that a ghetto is where people historically unwanted have been lumped together. She asks where the equal rights are in that. Alex asks if she is saying that when the X-Men were first brought together that they were being ghettoized. Val says that Alex said and that she didn’t. Val says that she realizes that what Alex is doing is well intentioned, but that the US government is looking at the big picture. A steel girder is falling from the sky right at Val and Alex. Rahne comes charging out and knocks Alex out of the way. Alex asks if she is nuts, but then he sees the girder and warns Val to move. Alex lets off a blast and demolishes the girder. He asks if she is insane and asks why she didn’t move. Val says that she wanted him to see that he could make the right decision on instinct instead of only by thinking.

Quicksilver and Lockjaw appear in Washington DC. Quicksilver compliments Lockjaw and says that he did it. He says that it must be Washington since the air reeks of sanctimoniousness. The people are picketing Roxxon. Quicksilver tells one of them that he is looking for the headquarters of X-Factor. One of the people says that he has never heard of them. People come charging out of the building and say that there is bomb threat to go off in two minutes. Quicksilver says that “never heard of them” sounds promising. One man tells them to run. Quicksilver says that he is looking for X-Factor. The man asks who cares and tells him to run. Quicksilver says that he will show him running. Quicksilver runs through the entire building marveling at the things he has to do to get directions. He finds the bomb and instantly disables it. He says that now that he has their attention that he is looking for X-Factor and that they are on Embassy Row. A man tells him that it is a mile west. Quicksilver says that he will be there is a flash.

In Genosha. Alex tells Rahne that he appreciates her effort, but that she didn’t need to save him. Rahne says that she knows, but that when she saw him in danger that she couldn’t control herself. Val dries her hair and says that Rahne controlled herself when it came to her. Alex says that was stupid on Val’s part. She asks what she was trying to prove and that she could have needed an undertaker instead of a shower. Val says that Alex acted on instinct and that is when he is at his best. He says that he gets screwed up when he thinks too much. She says that she believes that he is thinking too much about joining X-Factor and that he is screwing up his destiny… denying his instinct. Alex asks what he would be giving up leading a government formed intervention group and have more people depending on him. Val says that he could be helping to de-ghettoize mutants instead of building new ones. Alex says that his mind is made up, but then he sees Cyclops and Professor Xavier in the door. Rahne is ecstatic to see Scott and the Professor. Scott tells Alex that they need to talk. Val asks Rahne if she can get her something to drink, a sandwich, or some Kibbles and Bits.

Xavier tells Alex that this is an excellent opportunity. He says that with Freedom Force that the government had its first public association with mutants blow up in their face. He says that mutants are very high profile thanks to Genosha and that a positive face on mutant/government relations benefits all. Alex says that they want window dressing. “Cuddly” mutants to take the heat in difficult situations. He says that they would be “government muties” and he’d be the smiling front man an “Uncle A-Tom-ic”. He says that he isn’t interested. Xavier says that it wouldn’t be like that. He says that the President is very much behind this and that with his approval rating that it really means something. Alex asks if Xavier’s dream has come to playing politics. Xavier says that the stakes are high and that they know what a future with unchecked mutant suspicions would bring. He says to think of all the fates of his brethren that he might have helped. Alex says that now if he doesn’t take the job that the fate of mutant kind rests with him. He says that if it is so important that they should do it themselves. Xavier says that he can’t be everywhere. He says that they need someone they can trust. He says that they would be like a strike force. They’d come and go as needed, draw a big paycheck, and that he could be with Lorna. Alex says, “Lorna?”

Quicksilver calls to Lorna from the door. Lorna runs over and says that Quicksilver looks like death warmed over. Quicksilver says that she is ever the flatterer and collapses into her arms. Lorna calls for help. Guido carries Quicksilver and asks if just fainted dead away. Lorna says that he did and asks Guido to put him on the couch. Lorna says that she thought Quicksilver was with the West Coast Avengers and asks what he is doing there. Guido says that it looks like Quicksilver is coming out of it. Quicksilver thanks them for their concern. He sees Madrox with Lockjaw and asks him what he is doing. Madrox says that he was asking Lockjaw what happened, but that he isn’t answering. Quicksilver starts to laugh and asks Madrox if he has been talking to Ben Grimm. Madrox says that Thing told him that Lockjaw was a mutated Inhuman and not a dog. Lorna tells Quicksilver to open the mayo while he explains. Quicksilver takes it and says that the bit about Lockjaw not being a dog was a joke. He says that Gorgon and Karnak were playing a joke on Thing, and that he can’t believe that Thing hasn’t caught on yet. He says not to be the one to tell him. Lorna tells him not to be so smug and that he bets that Quicksilver would have been fooled if someone pulled the same thing on him. Quicksilver says that he would never be so gullible. Lorna asks what he is doing there and that he looks older and more tired than before. Quicksilver says that she is right. He says that his defusing a bomb aggravated his situation and that his situation is his power is killing him.

On the plane to Washington, Alex tells Rahne that he is glad she decided to come along. Rahne says that of course she did and that they are a team. Val says that speaking of teams that these are pictures of Alex’s team. She says that there is Guido, former bodyguard for an off world rocker named Lila Cheney and built like a tank. There is Lorna, who recently reacquired her magnetic powers. Val says that she and Alex have met. She says that finally there is Madrox the Multiple Man. She says that he is his own best friend. Alex says that Val seems to really be enjoying herself. Val says that she is. She says that she has a brother in the FBI and that she is tired of hearing about his exciting cases. She says that his work will be tame compared to the stuff that they will get.

Quicksilver says that he doesn’t know how, but that someone has turned his power against him. He says that it has been going on for a week and that every time he uses his powers that his metabolism speeds up and accelerates his aging. He says that he has learned that it is some evil individual based out of Washington. Madrox asks how he knows that. Quicksilver says to look at the postcard he got in the mail. Madrox reads, “Dear Mr. Silver: ha ha. I have turned your power against you. You’ll never find me. Sincerely: An evil individual”. Jamie says that it is postmarked from DC. Lorna asks who could do something like this. Guido says that he blames society. Jamie asks why Quicksilver didn’t bring the West Coast Avengers in on this. Quicksilver says that he has left them and that they don’t appreciate his talents. He says that he saw that X-Factor was forming in DC. Alex says that they have already formed. Lorna runs to Alex and hugs him. Rahne “hmmmph” under her breath. Val asks what Quicksilver is doing there. Quicksilver tells her about his power. Val asks why and Alex says that he blames society. Quicksilver says that seems to be the consensus and that he can’t get the jar of mayonnaise open. Alex says to watch this. He uses a plasma bolt, but the jar still won’t open. Val says to give it to her. She says that all you have to do it tap it on the top a couple of times. She opens the jar and tells Quicksilver to tell them about this evil individual.

Madrox sits at the house he is house sitting laughing to himself about the joke he played with the mayonnaise jar. He says that he whipped it up on Muir Island and that it won’t open unless he uses a remote control. He says that Quicksilver thinks the Inhumans can play practical jokes, but that he hasn’t crossed swords with him. There’s a knock at the door. Jamie opens it slightly and asks who is there. A shotgun blows Jamie away three times and sends him flying through the window. He falls all the way to the ground and lies there bleeding.

Mutant Scum rating: 8 out of 10

 Review and pictures by The Leader

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