X-Factor #74

Title:  “Politically Incorrect”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Larry Stroman

Inker: Al Milgrom 

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bob Harras

A large over muscled figure stands atop the Washington Monument. He waits for his greatest enemy whom he has never met… Strong Guy.

Guido sleeps in his house, as do his temporary house guests. Guido sleeps upside down in ankle braces having a dream about Kim Basinger.

Lorna Dane’s dreams are haunted by a white haired figure clad in purple and red.

Alex Summers sleeps and dreams. He mumbles the name Lorna and Rahne repeats “Lorna” so loudly that it wakes Alex. Alex opens his eyes and finds Rahne perched on the end of his bed. She asks him if Lorna is all he thinks about night and day. Alex asks Rahne what she is doing there. Rahne says that she hears just about everything, and that she heard him calling out. She says that it seems that he was just having a nightmare and suggests that maybe it was about Lorna. Alex asks Rahne if she is okay and if there is anything that she wants to talk about. Rahne runs off and says that there isn’t anything.

Quicksilver dreams about Crystal. She smiles at him. He says that he knew she loved him. He says that she frightened him when she told him that she would only love him in his dreams.

The two Jaime Madroxs yell at one another to stop snoring.

In the morning, Alex and Lorna are playing racquetball on Guido’s court. Alex asks Lorna what she thinks about Rahne. Lorna says that it makes the grass grow. Alex says that he meant Wolfsbane. Lorna says that she seems like a good kid, but maybe a little repressed about her sexuality. Alex says that he thinks she has a crush on him. Lorna asks when the wedding is. Alex says that he is serious and that he found her last night in his bed. Lorna says, “What?” and is so distracted that the ball hits her in the face. Alex asks if she is okay. Lorna says that it hit her head so it didn’t hurt her brains. She says that maybe she should have a girl to girl talk with Rahne. Guido walks in and says that playtime is over. He says that Val just called and that she wants them over at the townhouse right away. Lorna asks if there have been developments with the “multiple choice” problem. Guido says that the lie detector guy arrived. Lorna says that she needs a quick shower and Alex asks if she wants company. Guido says that he had this court put in ages ago, but that he hardly ever plays anymore. He throws the ball into the air and smacks it with the racket. The ball is driven into the wall and makes a hole. Guido says, “Oooohhhh yeah…. Now I remember why I don’t play anymore. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”

Mr. Sinister visits with “an evil individual”.  He remarks about Sinister coming himself instead of sending one of his agents. He tells Sinister that it is going well. He says that his guidance has been uncanny. He says that he used his ricocheting power on Quicksilver first, and was able to hide his true objective of discrediting X-Factor. He says that Sinister knew beyond any doubt that Quicksilver would seek out X-Factor even though they were only just forming. He says that it is almost like the future is an open book to him. Sinister says that it is on “permanent loan”. A voice calls out, “Honey! Breakfast!” Ricochet tells Sinister that he will talk to him later. Sinister says, “Of course, Senator. Actually, I had an appointment across town anyway.”

Ricochet walks upstairs, Dora tells Mrs. S that she thinks that he spends too much time in his workroom. Mrs. S says that she agrees , but that clucking at him won’t help. The Senator says good morning. Dora and the Senator’s daughter say hello. The Senator asks his wife if she slept well. She says that she did once he crawled into bed around one. His daughter asks what he is doing today. He says that he is going to the Senate and say some things that he hopes the President will listen to… when someone reads it real slowly to him. His daughter asks if he is going to be president some day. Her father says that he is working on it.

Guido is talking about his dream with Kim when Rahne says that she doesn’t want to hear this. Guido says that she is right and that he “PG” version that he would have to tell her would cause it to lose its pizzazz. He asks if her look is changing again. Rahne says that she has been experimenting and trying to get as close to human without reverting to a “docile feather-brain!” Guido tells her to be nice and that describers some of the best dates he ever had. Val walks in with the polygraph expert. Alex says that he thought the expert was already there when she called. Val says that she called an hour ahead so that they would actually be on time for a change. Val introduces Edmond Atkinson. He tells everyone that he is Val’s ex-husband. Quicksilver says, “Hmmm X-Husband to X-Factor… your life is just one big mutation isn’t it, Val?” Val asks someone to hit Quicksilver. Val introduces Alex Summers, Lorna Dane, Rahne Sinclair, Guido “who’s never told us his last name and we’re afraid to ask” and Pietro “who showed up and didn’t go home when his dog did.” Val says that she will show him to the “imposters”. Ed says that he doesn’t know how she could be having such trouble with this, but when he sees the two of them he realizes that this will be interesting. Alex hits Pietro and explains that Val asked him to and that she is the boss. A man named Baldrick enters with a message for Val. Val asks Baldrick to stay and help Edmund. She reads the letter and says that they have a problem at the Washington Monument. She says that a lunatic has some people trapped and that he is threatening to kill them if he doesn’t get what he wants. Guido asks what he wants.

The giant muscled lunatic calls out Strong Guy and says that the “meat” will die soon if he doesn’t show. X-Factor’s car flies to the scene. As they exit the car, Havok introduces himself as the leader and tells the bystanders that they have been put in charge of the situation. Quicksilver says that with a leader named “Havok” that you know there is going to be trouble. Guido turns to a woman cop and says, “Pass over that bullhorn, okay sweetheart?” She asks who he is calling sweetheart. Guido says that it is 92 degrees out and that his costume is riding up. He says that he has enough problems. Guido shouts out through the bullhorn that he wanted Strong Guy and that he is Strong Guy. He says to get down there and take his best shot or surrender. The lunatic leaps off the Monument. He lands in front of Strong Guy and Guido asks, “What’s the deal with you, cupcake?” Slab introduces himself as a Nasty Boy and says that he is there to kill him. Guido asks if there is a reason. Slab asks why a man climbs a mountain. Guido guesses “masochism”. Slab says that this is between the two of them and that no one can interfere. Havok asks who he is to tell them what to do. Slab says that he is the guy that planted the bomb that will detonate by remote control if Strong Guy doesn’t battle him. Strong Guy says that is fine with him and that he has hasn’t had any exercise since he joined “this chicken outfit”. He says, “By the way, Slap, what’d you do, take a double dose of ugly pills this morning?” Slab says that it isn’t Slap. Guido tells Slab that his shoe is untied and trips him. Slab asks if Guido thinks he can beat him with that pathetic trick. Guido says that he has plenty of other tricks if that one doesn’t work. Slab tells Guido that he isn’t funny. He says that he is trying to crack jokes “like the far stronger, far more witty heroes populating our world.” He grabs Guido and slams him into a car. Slab grabs a car and smashes Guido with it. He says that battling at the Monument is appropriate since Strong Guy’s defeat will be monumental. He hits Guido, but Guido hits back. He says that he really hates puns.

Havok asks Quicksilver to scan for the bomb. Quicksilver races off. He thinks to himself that he is fine now, but that any minute the strain will kick in. Quicksilver collapses.

Multiple Man says that he doesn’t believe this. Edmund says that he is sorry, but that with 98 percent accuracy, that his tests show that he is the imposter. Jaime Madrox says that he is glad that is cleared up and that it feels good to be free and released. Edmund says that Multiple Man might even believe that he is the one, but that deep down he knows the truth and is denying it. Multiple Man shouts that Val knows him. Jaime says that he understands how confusing this can be and that dupes can be very vehement. He says that he remembers one that was mutated off him during some business with unipar and a coconut grove. Multiple Man asks what he is talking about. Jaime says that proves it, and that as not a perfect dupe that he doesn’t have a perfect memory. Val asks if Moira can confirm this coconut thing. Jaime says that she can. Val says that she will give her a call at Xavier’s, and that she apologizes again to “Mr. Madrox” for the confusion. Jaime tells her to call him “Jaime” and that he feels as if she knows him already. Multiple Man shouts for Val not to leave him like this. He says that it is a trick and tells her not to fall for it. He shouts for her as she leaves.

Back at the Washington Monument, Havok asks where Quicksilver is and says that he should have found the bomb by now. Wolfsbane is holding Quicksilver and says that she found him slumped a few feet from the monument. She says that he is barely breathing. Havok says that he must be worse more than he was letting on. He says that his breathing is more regular now. He asks Lorna if she can feel the bomb. She says that she doesn’t, and that maybe it is all plastic.

Strong Guy bites Slab. Slab says that was so immature, but Strong Guy reminds him that he is the one that called him out. Slab leaps at Strong Guy and slams him against the monument. Strong Guy hits Slab. He says that he has seen tons of bullies like him. He says that they picked on him when he was young because he was nerdy looking, but that ended when he hit puberty. He says that mutants love puberty and that he started growing. He says that after that they left him alone or he would leave them in traction. Slab slumps against the monument. Strong Guy tells Slab that he has been absorbing the energy from his punches and adding it to his strength. He says that the madder Slab gets the stronger he gets. He says that he has to expend the energy quickly or it gets ugly. Strong Guy swings, but Slab dodges and Strong Guy hits the monument. Strong Guy says that was a nice dodge and that next time he will spend less time talking. The monument begins to rumble. Slab’s hostages fall off the monument, but Polaris catches them with her power. The monument falls to pieces.

Alex tells the team to make sure no one was trapped under the rubble. He thinks about how steamed Val will be. Quicksilver wakes up and asks if he missed anything.

Guido says that he really is stronger than he thought. He says that he didn’t hear any explosion so Slab must have been lying about the bomb, and that in the confusion he must have escaped. He says that this won’t look good on the news. An evil individual, a Senator Shaffran, runs up and says that he wants all of them arrested. He says that they have destroyed a national monument and that they should all be locked up like animals. Havok asks who he is. The man says that he is Senator Steven Shaffran, and that they are about to choke down a three course helping of trouble.

Mutant Scum rating: 9 out of 10

 Review and pictures by The Leader

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