Future Imperfect #1

Title: “Future Imperfect”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: George Perez

Inker: George Perez

Colors: Tom Smith

Editor: Bobbie Chase

A large emerald castle stands on a large hill above the rest of the city. Down in the city, a loud man barks out his welcome to the ladies and gentleman. He welcomes them to Dystopia. He says that they have walked, ridden, or crawled there, but that the bottom line is that they are there. He gestures toward a group of nude women and tells them to feast their eyes on some of the lovely ladies that can be theirs. He says that if they want to feast more than their eyes that it will cost them. All over the square traders and vendors are bartering with their customers. One tells his customer to make him an offer. The customer tells him to drop dead, but the vendor asks for a better offer. An old man runs through the crowd. He calls out to Janis. He calls out and asks if she “slide it” to them. A woman with a red Mohawk tells Pizfiz to get over there and to shut up. Dakord tells Janis to just ignore him and pretend that he is with someone else. She say that the loud mouthed fool is going to get them all killed someday. A man with them tells Dakord not to be “arch” and that Pizfiz just loves the way of things is all. Pizfiz asks again if Janis “slide it”. Janis say that it has been slid and to get a grip. She says that she knows that he is excited, but that he has to remember the credo, “Go slow, low profile. Don’t attract attention by acting over the top.” Dakord says that this is too bizarre and that she will believe it when she see it. Pizfiz says to wait until she does. Dakord says that she has been watching her back against the Maestro for too long to believe that the “studly” they have retrieved is going to change things. A well dressed man says, “One side, peasants.” Pizfiz says, “Flark you!” and then says that things are going to be different around there sooner than he thinks. Dakord tells Pizfiz to shut up. She says that his boasting is going to get them all killed. She asks if he is completely dim and says that the gravity police are everywhere. She says that he can’t draw attention to himself. Suddenly, Dakord is shot in the forehead. The gravity police tells them to stay where they are. One says that they have been identified as insurgents Janis, Pizfiz, Shooter, and Dakord. He says that they have dispatched Dakord as a warning for the rest of them to surrender. He says that they can all be dispatched as easily. Skooter and Pizfiz open fire on the Gravity Police, but Janis tells them that they are outgunned and to fall back. Pizfiz is shot in the leg. The cop inside the floating ship says that he loves this job.

Janis hides. She says that “this bites all”. She says that have the studly stashed away, told him to wait for them, and that now they are being torn to shreds will he cools his feet. She says that she has to get the cops to where he is and that is the only hope left. Janis blasts one of the shooting cops off the floating cops with a blast from her staff. She hits another cop and turns to Skooter and Pizfiz. She asks if they can move. Pizfiz says that Skooter can, but that he is “bagged”. He tells them to go and that he won’t “slide ‘em anything!” He tells Janis to keep the children in the know. Shooter fires as he and Janis run. The Gravity Police says that there is no escape. One floater says that they are headed down an alley in sector 18A that is too narrow for the floaters to maneuver in. One shooter says that the floaters can track them and that they will follow on foot. One shouts our to Janis to drop the plasma rod and surrender in the name of the Maestro. Skooter asks if they ever get tired of saying that. Janis says that she thinks they are screwed. One of the cops takes aim at Janis’ forehead. He says that they have already secured Pizfiz and that they really only need one of them for questioning. Suddenly the building next to the cop starts to shake. It falls over and cops run out of its way. They are about to go after the outlaws again, but then they see a large green figure standing amongst the rubble of the building. The large man says that this will not do. One of the Gravity Police asks if that is who he thinks it is. The other one says that he doesn’t think so. The Hulk walks up to the two cops and says “good day”. He tells them that the doctor is in. They fire at Hulk. Hulk is hit, but just leaps at the men. He says that he admits that he isn’t a medical doctor, but that he can see that they need to be heavily medicated.

Skooter says that they can go back for Pizfiz now. Janis says that it is too late and that she saw one of the floaters “scarf” with him. Janis says that no matter how much Pizfiz holds out that sooner or later he is going to let the Maestro know everything … their set-up, their place, and that they have to go warn the others and get them relocated. Skooter asks what about the green guy. Janis says that from what Gramps has been telling her about him that they best thing they can do is to give him lots of room to work.

One floater says that he has called for back up. He says that they are to rendezvous with a Dog O’War in Sector 18C. The shooter says that they don’t need one of those “overstuffed canines”. He says that the green guy just caught them off guard. Hulk leaps up and grabs onto the floater. He tells them to land and that they have to talk. The floater tries to pull up, but he spirals out of control and explodes as he hit the wall. The shooter leapt off, but Hulk realizes that the floater wasn’t just piloting the platform, but that he was melded to it somehow. He couldn’t eject because he was part of it. Hulk hears a loud thumping. He looks up and sees a large metal “Dog O’War” with a cop on its back leaping at him. Hulk asks what the hell that is. The cop on back says that he is about to be eaten by a Dog O’War, and that if he wants to shout out the names of his next of kin in his dying screams that they will be notified in the next 48 hours. The Dog grabs Hulk and puts his head inside its mouth. The cop says that resistance is futile. He says that the Dog O’War series is specially bred by the Maestro. He says that it can crush adamantium in 7.3 seconds and that he hardly thinks his neck will afford much challenge. Hulk gets upright and then punches the Dog’s head off. Two floaters swoop in to pick up the Dog O’War operator. Hulk grabs the Dog’s head and banks it off one floater into another and causes both to explode. Hulk says that he would have thought that they could withstand more impact than that. He thinks that maybe they self-destructed when they became incapacitated. He says that it doesn’t matter. Hulk walks up to the Dog O’ War operator and says that he has him and that he is going to bring a message to the Maestro. He says, “Tell him I’m coming for him. That the fear is over. That he’s out of time. Tell him the incredible Hulk said so.” Hulk nails him in the head.

Inside the large emerald castle, an old man in robes, with a large metallic hat and a device over his right eye, walks along saying that it can’t be the Hulk. He says that it is temporally implausible. As he walks by a guard gets up off the woman he was with he stammers out, “Oh! Minister I was just about to go back on duty and…” but the Minister doesn’t even look at the man as he hurries by. The guard says that he didn’t even notice them. The woman with the guard says that the Minister scares her almost as much as the Maestro. As the Minister approaches a double doorway, the guard says that Maestro that he was not to be disturbed today with matters of state. Minister tells the guard to let him pass and that if the Maestro doesn’t hear this immediately that he will scream for the head of the one that kept it from him. Inside the large hall, people are laughing. Nude and topless woman with the men they are cavorting with eat to gluttony. The Minister walks past it all up toward the stairs to the bedroom. He tells the old woman there to tell Maestro he is there. The woman says that he is busy and that he was very specific. The Minister tells Esmeralda to step aside or he will put her name at the top of the list to be bonded with the first available four-legged mammal he can obtain regardless of its health, gender, or pedigree. Esmeralda steps aside. Minister stands outside the purple drapes. He tells the Maestro that a problem has arisen that requires his immediate attention. A large olive green hand pulls back the drape. A giant olive-skinned, balding and bearded man says, “This had better be good.”

The people on the street look wearily at the Hulk. They say that they could swear that it is him, but that he looks different. They don’t know of anyone that even comes close. Hulk walks through the wary crowd. He says that there is a “stench of unreality” here. He says that it goes along with the other stenches of people who haven’t bathed in years. He says that the people are all looking at him with fear and respect. He says that the fear he is used to, but the respect is new. He says that he kind of likes it. A voice calls to Hulk from down an alley. Hulk sees Janis and says that he was wondering where they had gotten off to. Janis tells him not to stand there jawing and to get in the hideyhole quick. Hulk tells her not to worry and that no one would dare follow him.

A man down the street follows him.

Inside, Hulk says that this place is amazing and asks Janis if they built it themselves. Janis says that they built some of it. She says that some of it was already there and “those of us in the know” rigged it special. Hulk and Janis step into a yellow lined boxed grid. Hulk asks if this is an elevator. Janis says that it is a lifter and to just hold still. Bruce asks where the controls are. Janis announces aloud to receive Janis and companion under her authority and gives the passcode. The lifter scans her face and the two of them start to go down. Hulk asks how far they are going down. Janis says, “All the way.” They hear a blast and Hulk asks what that was. Janis says that someone “dared” follow him. Hulk asks if he will lead others there. The cop steps onto the lifter and moments after the identity scan there is an explosion. Janis says that there are lots of entrances, but that if you aren’t the right stuff that there are no exits. Two guards shout for Janis to get down and that “he” is right behind her. Janis asks if they think she is blind. Hulk looks at everything and says that there is an entire community down there. He says that all the people look at him with the same terror from above. He tells Janis to hold it. He says that he has gone along with this so far, even gotten her out of trouble with the local authorities, because she was her guide there. He says that she had better start proving the things that she has been telling him or he will bring this place down.

Shooter appeals to the crowd and swears that Hulk will help them. He says to let him slide what they know. The people say that they don’t need to be slid anything and that they know what he is. Janis and Hulk walk into the room and Janis says that they don’t know anything. She says that the only one who knows is Gramps and that he slid us the only hope they have. She asks the people if this is how they want to go on… hiding and being afraid. Waiting for something better. She says that this is the studly to help them and that Gramps said so. Janis takes a jewel out of her staff and says that she will slide them why so they will all be in the know. Janis places the jewel inside a machine and the jewel lights up. Suddenly there are images everywhere as Janis speaks. She says that the studly’s real name is Robert Bruce Banner and that decades ago that he was a “scrawny git scientist” testing out a gamma bomb. She says that before it went off that he scanned a teenager out on the test site. He ran out there to save him. The boy got to safety, but that his own hide got shot through with gamma radiation. She says that they all know what gamma radiation can do, but that it did him different… real different. She says that is when he got tagged with the name: The Hulk. She says that he came there to help them through a leap of faith, and that now he needs them to make a leap of faith for him. Hulk looks at the images and says that he has never seen this before. He asks where she got them. Janis says, “The mind’s eye. What’s scanned is what’s known.” Hulk says that he came there for two reasons. He says that Rick Jones vouched for her, and looked like he had seen a ghost while he was doing it, and that she told him some things that were too hideous to ignore… especially if the Maestro is who she claims. He says that now he wants proof. Janis points Hulk down a hallway. She tells him, “If you follow the light… then you’ll see the light.”

Hulk and Janis walk into a large room. Among other things in the room are: Thor’s cracked helmet and cape, Silver Surfer’s broken surfboard, Yellowjacket, Sunfire, Black Knight, Crimson Dynamo, Magneto, Wizard, Nova, Ant-Man, and Titanium Man’s broken helmets, several pieces of Iron Man armor, Dr. Strange’s cape and Eye of Agamotto, Shatterstar’s sword, Namor’s trident, Spider-Man’s mask and one web shooter, Thor’s hammer, Cyclops’ visor, Dr. Doom’s mask, Professor Xavier’s wheelchair, Vision and Warlock’s head, the ebony blade, the Beast’s blue hide, Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton, Captain America’s mask and shield, USAgent’s mask and broken shield, some bricks on the ground along with one green brick, a black Spider-Man outfit, a red skull, a Sentinel’s head filled with orange rocky chips. Hawkeye’s bow, arrows, and wrist guard, Ghost Rider’s bike, Stilt-Man’s legs, Doctor Octopus’ arms, a ball and chain, and two nega bands that act as planters. Hulk stands stunned. A old man in a wheelchair asks if that is him. Janis says that he is. She says that he talked and acted exactly as he said he would… “every step of the way”. Hulk says that the room is filled with… but the old man cuts him off and says, “Relics. Like me. Needs a giant penny. Pretty complete otherwise.” Hulk asks who he is. The old man says, “This old man. He played one. Play one for you. Soon as I wet my whistle. The old man takes a sip and pulls out a harmonica. He starts playing and Bruce realizes that it is the song that was playing the first time he met Rick Jones. Bruce asks, “Rick?” The old man says, “Bitchin’ huh, Bruce.”

Outside, the people stand around a garbage can fire and say that it is cold. One man says that he bets the outlaws are warm in their base. He says that maybe it pays to be an outlaw. Another tells him not to say that even if he is kidding. One says that he heard that they have an outlaw up at the castle. He says that they are going to strip slide him for sure. Another man says that he would rather freeze to death out there than scream to death in there.

Pizfiz is hooked into a machine. He says that he isn’t sliding them anything. He says that they don’t know who they are dealing with and that he will resist anything. The Minister says that the question of his resistance is somewhat academic. Pizfiz tells him to stuff it. The Maestro stands there with a woman cuddled up to him. He says that Pizfiz is a brave one. He says that there are things that he respects in the this world. He says that bravery is one of those things. He says that he abhors stupidity however, Maestro says that Pizfiz needs to show the bravery to turn his back on his friends. He says that they cannot help him now and that only he can. He says that if he is cooperative and brave that he can reward him. He says that he has vast resources. Maestro gets very close to Pizfiz and asks what he says. Pizfiz spits in his face and braces for impact. Maestro pulls his fist back to kill the man, but Minister tells Maestro that is exactly what he wants. Maestro says of course he would want to die before they learned anything. He says that it was a rudimentary cunning, but that it nearly worked. He thanks the Minister. Minister asks Maestro what he wants to view. Maestro says that the last 48 hours should suffice. Pizfiz tries to fight, but suddenly his memories are on display.

Pizfiz knocks on the door. He says that there is no answer and that maybe he isn’t there. Janis says that they didn’t come there for “not there”. She bangs on the door with her staff. Rick opens the door and says that the circus is in town. Rick tells them that this is a bad day. He says that he had a fight with his girl, some aliens tried to kill him, the Avengers think he is a traitor, and they just got him out of the shower. He says that whatever they are selling to peddle it elsewhere. Janis knocks the door in. Rick tells her to fork over the two bucks for his chain lock. Janis says that they are there to deliver a message. Rick says that the only message being delivered right now is that they have five seconds to get out of his apartment. Rick counts, “One, two… five!” and then kicks Pizfiz in the face. Rick flips Janis. He tells her that he learned his moves from the best. Janis says that she did to and flips Rick. She says that all she wanted was to talk. Rick catches Janis in a head scissors and says that he isn’t in the mood. Pizfiz pulls his gun and tells Rick not to move. Janis tells Pizfiz to get a grip. She says that he is their hope not their enemy. Janis tells Rick that she is going to pull something from around her neck and to scan it. Rick asks what he is supposed to scan it with. Janis tells him to scan it with his eyes and asks if he doesn’t tweak English. Rick recognizes his Avengers Priority pass, but says that his is still in his wallet. He asks if that is a fake. Janis says that if it is to look at the writing on the back. She asks if the writing on the back seems familiar. Rick says as he reads, “Shake hands with… oh man. Oh, this is too…” Maestro cuts in and says that this is boring. He says that he knows what they did. He says that he needs to know how they did it. Minister says that if they jump around too much that it might be bad. Maestro says that he doesn’t care and to just do it.

Pizfiz looks into a reflective surface. Dakord tells him to stop staring at his ugly mug and to put it down. She says that it isn’t a toy. Pizfiz says that he has never seen anything like it. Janis sees that gramps is awake and asks if he heard the reports. Rick says that he didn’t believe them, but that is it all right. He asks if the have it up and running. She says that they are going to test it. Shooter steps onto the reflective surface. Suddenly the surface rises into the air and Shooter disappears as it rises. Dakord says that she doesn’t believe it. Janis asks if that is the way it is supposed to work. Rick says that he has seen Doctor Doom’s time machine operate before and that it was textbook. He asks where they sent Skooter. The man working the machine says that it was thirty-five seconds into the future. Skooter appears and asks what happened. He says that it didn’t work. They tell him that it did and asks if he feels okay. Skooter says that he feels fine and asks why he wouldn’t. Janis says that it is working and asks what now. Dakord says that they should escape to another time away from this hellish world. Pizfiz asks if they are just supposed to run away from the Maestro and abandon everyone to his rule. Dakord asks what then. Rick starts to tell them what to do, but he trails off. Pizfiz checks him and Rick pulls his Avengers Priority pass off from around his neck. He says that they will need this. Janis asks Gramps if he is okay. Rick asks why he wouldn’t be. He says that they have to fight fire with fire. He says that they have to go back and find the big green fireman. He says that first they have to find him to help convince him. Janis says that she doesn’t need to find him… he’s right there. Rick says that not him now, him then. He writes on the back, “Shake hands with your great granddaughter, stud.” He says that if he needs more convincing to remind him of the time with him, Marlo, and the bowl of cherry… The picture is gone and Maestro asks what happened. Minister says that they have lost Pizfiz and that the process can be quite devastating if the subject is too resistant. Maestro asks if Minister is saying that the subject is of no further use to them. Minister says that is correct. Maestro punches Pizfiz’s head off and says that is for spitting on him. The woman with Maestro screams. As Maestro walks out of the room he tells Minister to round up a strike force. He says that he will be leading them personally. He tells him to have this mess cleaned up.

Hulk kneels before Rick and asks how this happened. He says that he came there because he trusted Rick, but now he has to tell him what happened. Rick asks Bruce how he is doing. Bruce says that he is fine. He asks “when” is he… how many years in the future. Rick says that it has been about ninety years since there was lots of explosions, fighting, and dying. Bruce asks if he means a war. Rick says that it was a big one. Bruce asks if Doom, Leader, or Red Skull was responsible. Rick says that it wasn’t. He says that it is kind of funny what with all the good guys protecting them from the bad guys that humanity went and blew it all up without any help from anyone. Rick asks Bruce if he remembers the reports of how people might survive atomic wars. He says that it was all exaggerated. Rick says that Thor, Wolverine, and Cap… all of them… were gone. Rick says that after the third world war that there was another one and that he doesn’t even know what that one was about. Bruce asks what is left of the world. Hulk says that Rick is there and asks about Betty. Rick says that she is right there. Hulk looks at the jars on the shelf. Rick says that Betty is right there between the Leader and Jean Grey. She says that she is behind the Wasp. Rick says that Dystopia is pretty much it for the next few hundred miles. He says that the rest of it is wastelands with random mutant encampments. Rick says that Dystopia has anti-mag radiation shielding from underground generators… not that the Maestro cares. Hulk says that name Maestro again. He asks who he is. Janis says that the radiation didn’t bother the Maestro. She says that when it all went down that the radiation pumped him up. She says that gramps said he could survive anything short of a ground zero nuke. Janis says, “When the world went to Hell, the Maestro was stand at the gate with the key.” Rick says that he was smart enough and strong enough to create the city from the ruins. He says that the people underground, like himself, didn’t know what the Maestro was doing until it was too later. Rick says that he does what he wants, takes what he wants, and lives for his own amusement. If he favors you it’s great, but if you don’t you can forget it. Rick says that he is insane. Hulk asks who he is. Rick asks if he really has to ask.

Maestro walks through the streets with the strike force. The people offer him all they have… even their own daughters. Maestro says that he doesn’t have time for this. He kicks over a man in his way. They stop and Minister tells him that they suspected the outlaws were in the vicinity, and that Pizfiz’s memories confirm it. He says that they have been stymied since they cannot find an entrance and its depths make it inaccessible. Maestro asks if that is their only problem. He tells the idiots to step aside and starts digging. He says that they should have consulted him months ago. Minister says that Maestro has been busy.

The underground scanner picks up someone digging toward them. Janis says that it has to be the Maestro. Skooter says that everyone has been relocated, and that when the Maestro gets there he will have a “right proper surprise”. Janis says to clear the last grunts out of the area. Skooter asks Janis if she thinks Pizfiz is all right. Janis says no and to start moving his ass.

Maestro bursts through the wall. He tells the others to hurry up and that he is sure that the outlaws aren’t unaware of his coming. Maestro tells the men to spread out and find all the rebels for him. He says to leave the large green one for him. He says, “Oh, and bring me the broomstick of the witch of the west.”

The men run ahead and ask what a broomstick is. Suddenly shower heads spray out acid and dissolve the Maestro’s men.  Gas shoots out of the floor and eats through the men’s uniforms. Another group of men are slaughtered by a room full of lasers. Minister turns to Maestro and says, “Bobby traps.” Maestro says, “And we were the bobbies who were trapped.” He says that he thought the rebels would be man enough to confront them face to face, but that he guesses he gave them too much credit. Maestro tells the Minister to stay there.

Maestro walks through the room of lasers and says that he should have known that the rebels wouldn’t be that stupid. He says that their locating Doom’s time machine should have put him more on his guard. He walks through the gas. As he walks through the acid he says that it is ruining all his best clothes. Maestro shouts out that he may as well come out now. He says that he doesn’t have all the time in the world and to show himself. The acid and bones wash away down a hole. Slowly, out of the hole, the Hulk rises. Hulk and Maestro look at one another and says, “Well. Doctor Banner, I presume.”

No Excuses rating: 10 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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