Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #254Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #254
Title: “Waiting for the U-Foes!”
Writer: Bill Mantlo
Penciller: Sal Buscema
Inker: Sal Buscema
Colors: Bob Sharen
Editor: Al Milgrom
U-Foes appearance by Al Milgrom
U-Foes helped named by Jim Shooter
Hulk stands in the desert shouting. He asks what is wrong with him. He asks why he can’t have any friends. Hulk asks if the stars have the answer. Hulk asks why the stars don’t answer him. Hulk decides that it is because the stars are too far away to hear him. Hulk says that he has to get closer to them. The Hulk leaps and leaps. Finally Hulk jumps so far that he nearly leaps into orbit. Hulk says that he has leaped as high and as far as he can. He floats there and says that it is cold there. He says that it is hard for him to breathe and move. Hulk says that he is still so far from the stars. Hulk passes out from the strain. Hulk re-enters the atmosphere and starts burning up on re-entry. Hulk slams back to Earth on fire. Hulk sleeps with the crater he created. As he sleeps he turns back into Bruce Banner. Off in the distance from where Banner sleeps a rocket has been erected with the purposes of launching.
Near the rocket, a car pulls up to Utrecht Industries. The four passengers walk into the main gate after a voiceprint identification. They walk down the corridor into the room labeled “Mission Control”. Scientist and pilot, Mike Steel, tells Simon Utrecht that he thinks that his millions of dollars must have affected his mind, He says that he is crazy to attempt a manned space flight in an unshielded ship. Life-support specialist, Ann Darnell says that she thinks that Mike is missing the point of the voyage. She tells Simon to explain. Fuel propulsion engineer, Jimmy Darnell says that if Mike could design and build the ship without guessing its purpose then he doesn’t think explaining it will help. Mike says that he paid him to build the ship so he did it, but that he never expected that he actually would go up in it. Simon asks if he thought he was building a rich man’s toy. Simon says that the rocket is no toy. Simon says that it isn’t supposed to fly to the stars. He says that its purpose is to expose its crew to cosmic rays. Simon pounds his fist on a poster of the Fantastic Four. He says that years ago a similar foursome gathered with the intention of going to the moon. He says that they never reached their destination. He says that cosmic rays penetrated their ship and transformed them into the Fantastic Four. Jimmy says that Simon didn’t spend his money to explore space. He says that Simon is trying to duplicate the flight of the Fantastic Four, but that with even less shielding so they will gain superpowers too. Simon says that the Fantastic Four are good Samaritans and never realized their true potential. Simon says that he has millions of dollars and has held political office. He says that he craves power, and that he wants to do what no human as ever done. Ann goes to Simon’s arms and says that he isn’t going without them. She sys that the flight could make them more than just famous. Simon says that be serving him they have earned their place aboard. Simon turns to Mike and says that the Darnells have made their choice. He asks Mike if he is afraid. Mike slams the table and says that nothing in the world frightens him. He says that he will fly the ship.
After donning space suits, they follow Simon Utrecht to the launch pad. The rocket launches and the noise wakes up one sleeping Bruce Banner. Bruce looks at the trajectory and says that it could only be a space flight. He sees Utrecht Industries and figures that must be wear it was launched from. Bruce thinks how Simon Utrecht is a rival of Tony Stark’s. Bruce finds no guard at the building and walks in. Bruce says that the whole launch is being run by computers. On of the monitors says that they are right on course.
Inside the ship, Simon says that of course they are on the right course as Utrecht Industries designs the most accurate flight computers in the world. Ann says that the air is more pure than that in Los Angeles though admits that isn’t saying much. Jimmy says that the rocket is really guzzling the fuel. Mike tells him not to worry about it. He says that it is enough to carry them through the cosmic storm area and back.
Bruce is listening in at Utrecht Industries. He sees that the cosmic storm activity is at its peak. He wonders why they didn’t postpone the launch until it was over. Over the screen, a loud “tac” noise keeps clicking. Mike asks Simon if he hears the cosmic rays. Bruce wonders if they could have gone up without proper shielding after all the discoveries on the dangers of cosmic radiation.
In the ship, Mike says that they are in the heart of the cosmic storm area. Ann says that they are penetrating the ship, but that she doesn’t feel anything. Jimmy explains that they are just rays of light. He says that they can’t feel them, but that they will effect them just the same. Jimmy says that he is starting to feel aglow with power. Mike collapses on the floor. He says that he can’t move his arms as if the whole mass of the ship were on his shoulders. Ann stumbles back into the life support cylinders and breaks them. She says that the mixture of gases are flooding into her suit and lungs. Simon doesn’t hear any of them. Linked to the ship’s computers, Simon finds himself deluged by a mass of data.
Bruce says that the crew is helpless. He says that they are being bombarded by the cosmic rays, and that in another few minutes they will be dead. He sys that he has to re-program the flight-control computers to bring them back. Bruce works as fast as he can and then rushes out to see what happens.
The rocket swings right to the ground and
crashes. Bruce says that the automatic re-entry system
malfunctioned. He says that nothing human could have survived
that crash.
Bruce looks
horrified as Simon Utrecht and his crew, who are beyond humanity,
step out of the rubble. Bruce says that he had hoped to bring
them back before the cosmic rays had altered their generic
structure, but that he was too late. Bruce says,
“You’ve changed! You’re no longer human beings!
Your cosmic ray-flooded cells have made you something…
different!” Simon says that he interfered with their flight
program. He says that they could have absorbed even more cosmic
rays and become even more powerful. Bruce asks if they did this
to themselves deliberately. Simon says that he makes it sound as
if it were madness to seek power. He says that it may be if they
had failed, but that they have attained the power they sought. He
tells them to behold the power of Vector. With a gesture, Vector
raises a rock into the air. He causes it to perform some
complicated spirals and sends it smashing into Bruce Banner. Ann
wonders what greater acts they could have performed if Bruce
hadn’t interfered. She is in the form of a noxious gas and
hovers around Bruce. Ann asks Bruce what he would expect from
Vapor. Mike grabs Banner and says, “Utrecht! Ann!
You’ve both gained weird powers… but look at me!
I’ve taken on the mass of the ship… become a walking
metal monster… an Ironclad! Maybe it woulda been different
if you hadn’t brought the ship back before the cosmic rays
were finished with me!” Jimmy says that there is no telling
what they would have become if he hadn’t interfered. Jimmy
tells Ironclad to hold him still while he gives him an X-Ray
treatment. X-Ray blasts Banner with radiation. Bruce writhes in
agony until he goes limp in Ironclad’s arms. Ironclad says
that they are murderers now, but decides that it doesn’t
matter since they aren’t human anymore and no prison could
hold them. Ironclad says that Vector was right, and that they
might be even more powerful than the Fantastic Four. Ironclad
says that they need a name that shows that they are at odds with
the human race. Ironclad says that it was Utrecht’s idea and
so he votes that they call themselves the U-Foes. Ironclad
suddenly sees that the pale “corpse” has become green
and hard to hold.
Hulk swats Ironclad and says that he
doesn’t want to be held. He says that he will make him let
go. X-Ray realizes that they are against the Hulk. Vector says
that he was a fool not to recognize Bruce Banner, and says that
it accounts for how a half naked stranger in the desert would
know how to re-program their flight computers. Hulk tears the
nose of the ship off. He says, “Banner! Banner! Banner! Hulk
hates that name!” Hulk says that they are friends of Banner
and that is why he tried to save them. Hulk says that is why they
attack him. Hulk throws the nose. X-Ray tries blasting it, but he
says that it didn’t do anything except make it white hot.
Vapor says not to worry about her, and that she will just let the
fireball pass through her. Vector says that it will be simple for
him to deflect it. He raises his hand and hits Ironclad with it.
Ironclad says that he thought they were on the same side. Vector
tells Ironclad to think. He says that the hear can’t hurt
his metal form, but that it can raise his surface temperature
making his touch deadly to the Hulk. Hulk asks if the metal man
in on fire. Ironclad says that he is, and that he wants to share.
Ironclad leaps onto Hulk and grabs him in a bearhug. Hulk says
that he burns and tells Metal-Man to get off him. Ironclad says
to make him. Ironclad pins Hulk to the ground. Ironclad says that
Hulk can’t do anything as he increases his body mass while
pinning him against the ground. Hulk says that Metal-Man is heavy
and forcing him down. Hulk says that he will not stay down. He
says that he is stronger than Metal-Man. 
He says that he
is stronger than anybody. Hulk says that he is the strongest one
there is. Hulk lifts Ironclad over his head. Ironclad tells the
U-Foes to do something, and that he can’t hold him anymore.
Hulk says that no one can hold him when he doesn’t want to
be held. Hulk adds that he doesn’t want to hold Ironclad. He
throws Ironclad at Vector. Vector deflects Ironclad. Ironclad
asks why Vector didn’t stop him. Vector says that he was
afraid he would hit him. X-Ray reflexively blasts Ironclad with
radiation. X-Ray apologizes. He says that this is the Hulk’s
fault, and that he will make Hulk pay. Vapor surrounds Hulk. She
says that he can strike the others, but that he can’t hit
what he can’t touch. Vapor turns herself into mustard gas
and Hulk starts to have trouble breathing. Vector says that he
will help Vapor, but the wave of his hand deflects her off the
Hulk. Vapor is headed towards X-Ray so she changes from mustard
gas into hydrogen. X-Ray tries to warn her that his body is super
hot, and that hydrogen burns, but Vapor still catches on fire.
Vapor is in pain. Ironclad says that they have to help her.
Vector says that they have to get past the Hulk first. Vector
points his hand and belts the Hulk with rocks. Vector tells X-Ray
to hit him with concentrated x-ray beams. X-Ray says that he can
throw all kinds of radiation at the Hulk, and that they can give
him radiation poisoning. Hulk screams in pain. Ironclad knocks
Hulk to the ground. He holds him down with one hand and hits him
with the other.
Vector rushes to Vapor’s side. She has reverted her body to human, but says that she is unsteady. Vector tries to hold Vapor, but bounds away from his body. Vector says that his new power is driving him away from her. He says that his cosmic ray ability is turning into a Midas Curse.
Hulk kicks Ironclad into X-Ray. He says that if they want to fight so bad that they can fight each other. Ironclad hits X-Ray, and X-Ray says that Ironclad’s mass is striking quanta of energy off him in the form of photons. Ironclad lies on the ground and asks X-Ray what he did to him. He says that he feels like he is on fire. X-Ray says that just touching him has given Ironclad radiation poisoning. Vector tells him to get away quickly. Vapor asks how they can work as a team if they can’t even get near one another.
Hulk says that the rocket people have burned and choked him. He says that they have tried to crush him and thrown stones at him. Hulk starts to say that he will smash them, but Hulk looks at the U-Foes and sees that they don’t want to fight anymore. Vector says that he is feeling so strange. Ironclad says that he can’t get off the ground. X-Ray says that he is dizzy, and Vapor says that he is shifting to gas against her will. Ironclad says that he can’t control his mass anymore, and that it is just increasing and increasing driving him into the ground. Vector says that he is deflecting even the air, and that he can’t breathe. Vapor can’t hold herself together and dissipates in the breeze. X-Ray asks Hulk what he has done to his teammates. Hulk says that he hasn’t done anything. X-Ray says that it is the cosmic rays. He says that they never stopped changing them. He says that with the bigger dose than the Fantastic Four got, that their powers are increasing to the point where they can’t control them. X-Ray starts to die of radiation poisoning from his own body. He flies into the sky and explodes in a burnout. Hulk sees Ironclad has sunk into the Earth. Ironclad will continue to sink into the Earth until he reaches the molten core. Vapor tries to save Vector by turning herself into breathable oxygen, but her efforts are in vain. His powers scatter her. Vector is about to fall to the ground, but he deflects himself off the ground and up into the sky. Hulk says that he didn’t even have to smash them. He says that they smashed themselves. Hulk says, “But their leader has done what Hulk could not do… he has reached… the stars!”
No Excuses rating: 10 out of 10
I love the U-Foes and their creation automatically garners a perfect score for me, but really the artistic writing in this issue transcends my ability to convey them. Go pick up the issue and enjoy. Sal does a wonderful job with the art and storytelling. His facial expressions and body language always let you know exactly what each character is thinking. Truly a magical issue.
Review and pictures by The Leader