Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #333

Title: “Quality of Life”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Todd McFarlane

Inker: Pablo Marcos

Colors: Petra Scotese

Editor: Bob Harras

Blaire sits by the side of the bed crying with a black eye. Mike is in the bathroom shaving. He tells her to knock the crying off. He says that he is getting tired of hearing the same complaints over and over. He says that what happened last night she brought on herself. He says that she knew what kind of hours he would be working when they got married and that she has no business complaining about it now. He asks how she can deny him the right to go out for a drink or two with his men after the kind of days they put in. He says that if she were more reasonable they wouldn’t have these understandings. Blaire reaches into the nightstand drawer and pulls out a gun. Mike walks out of the bathroom and asks if she shaved her legs with his razor again. Blaire aims the gun at him and Mike asks what she is doing. Blaire pulls the trigger, shoots Mike, and smiles. In reality, Mike tells her not to just stand there and to answer him. He asks again what she is doing. He takes the gun out of her hand and asks her if she is crazy. He asks her if she knows what could happen when you wave a gun around. He says that it is a good thing that he always keeps it unloaded in the house. He asks her if she doesn’t know that pointing a gun at someone is the dumbest thing you can do. Mike hits her to the ground and shouts for her to answer him. He walks away and tells her to cry her head off and see if he cares. He says that he doesn’t know what goes through her head sometimes.

Rick lies on the ground in pain as the Hulk clears the last of the rubble from the destroyed cave. Rick says that he has to be alive because he hurts too much to be dead. He says that he thought he was dead when that equipment that siphoned off his gamma radiation exploded. He says that he is still alive and normal. He says that since it is night, and that was when he would become the Hulk, that he must be cured. Rick throws his arms around Hulk and says, “Doc, I’m cured! You did it! Now all we have to do is cure you and…” Hulk smacks Rick and asks if he is nuts. He asks him if he thinks he wants to be a puny weakling like him. He says that he wants to remain the Hulk all the time. He says that is what he owes his cure to. He says that he took his gamma radiation off him and gave it to the Leader so he could regain his intelligence. Hulk says that Leader told him that he would help him get rid of Banner forever, but the equipment overloaded, blew up the cave, and brought the whole place down on them. He says that now no matter where he digs that he can’t find a trace of him. He says that Leader is either buried or gone, and that either way he is stuck. Rick tells Hulk that there must be some Bruce Banner in him since he used his body to shield him from the falling rubble. Hulk tells Rick not to be stupid. He says that he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. He says that it is just the same as when Rick happened onto that testing field. He says that the gamma explosion let him loose for the first time so he kind of gave him his life. Hulk says that now, for whatever reason, he saved Rick’s life. Hulk says that they are even, and that next time he sees him he will step on him. Hulk leaps away. Hulk thinks to himself that the sun will be up soon, and that he will be changing back into Banner. Hulk decides that he has to put as much distance between him and Gamma Base as possible. He thinks how Gamma Base has enough equipment to make sure that he never gets out of Banner again.

Rick says that he can’t keep up with Hulk when he leaps away like that. Rick sees an ambulance and says that at least he won’t have to walk back to Gamma Base. Rick climbs in and sees the key in the ignition, but then he looks in the back and sees a dead body slumped behind the seat. He sees the empty gurney and wonders why the dead body isn’t on the gurney. Rick says that this is too much for him and that he is headed home. He says that the scientist types at Gamma Base work it out. He thinks that he should put the body back on the gurney, but he doesn’t really want to touch it. Rick decides that at least he won’t complain about the bumpy ride.

Hulk leaps along and says that he can feel Banner rattling around inside his head. Hulk says that he is tired of hearing Banner whining about how rotten his life is. Hulk asks what about his life. Hulk says that the strongest survive everywhere in nature, but that Banner and his friends want to get rid of the strong in favor of the weakling. Hulk says that Banner is always trying to get rid of him and that it is time for him to return the favor. Hulk says that this is war, and that he has to win. He says that his biggest problem is Gamma Base. He says that he can’t let Banner take him back there. He says that they might figure out a way to contain or kill him. He says that he has to put Banner out of commission. He says that if he tries crippling him that he might wind up killing Banner… and himself, but that it still might be better than being trapped inside him. Hulk entertains the idea of changing in mid leap, but then gets an idea as he walks by a liquor store. Hulk smashes through the window.

Hulk says that he has to drink a lot because of his metabolism, but that there has to be some left in him when he becomes Banner. He says that if he drinks too much it could kill Banner, but if he drinks to little that Banner will get back to Gamma Base. Hulk says that he isn’t going back to Gamma Base. Hulk drinks bottle after bottle after bottle. As dawn arrives, Hulk is sitting on a floor completely covered with empty bottles. Hulk says that even he is feeling it and that it’s sure to affect Banner. Hulk says that if this didn’t work that at least he got the last laugh. Banner keels over and clutches his stomach. Mike, the sheriff, and his deputy Larry come upon Banner reeking of booze. Banner gets up, babbles incoherently, and falls over. Mike says that it is hard to believe that a little guy like him could put away that much booze. He says that there must be more to him that meets the eye.  

Rick drives up to Gamma Base and suddenly finds himself surrounded by soldiers with guns aimed at him. A short time later, Rick realizes that they found out that he was the Hulk. He says that he doesn’t blame them for being cautious, but that he isn’t the Hulk anymore. Betty runs up to Rick and hugs him. Rick tells Betty that he is sorry about her father. Betty says that at least he died a hero. She says that she doesn’t mean to be short, but asks Rick if he has seen Bruce. She says that she is worried. Rick tells Betty to keep this quiet, but that the last time he saw Bruce was before sunrise and he was leaping skyward. Betty asks if he really became the Hulk again. She says that first he ignores her and then he runs around and recreates the monster that has haunted them all these years. She asks how he can claim he loves her. Rick says that he did it because he thought that the only way to handle him as the Hulk is with another Hulk. He says that it worked. Betty storms off. Rick tells Betty that she means everything to Bruce, and that he was just doing what he felt he had to. Hideko hands Betty a message. The note is from Ramon and says that if he ever meant anything to Betty to meet him at Christie’s Bar at 7 pm.

Blaire sits thinking about a movie she saw where a woman went back in time and tried to prevent her teenage self from making mistakes that would trap her in an unhappy marriage. She thinks about how good things were when she first met Mike. She looks at the picture of him in their high school yearbook and thinks about how gorgeous he was. She thinks about how tongue tied he made her and how she followed him around just trying to work up the nerve to ask him where he had moved from. She remembers the day Mike got into trouble with, the school bully, Piper and his thugs. She remembers Piper lording it over everyone since grade school, but when he started in on Mike that Mike beat Piper and all his cronies. Blaire remembers how one of them came at Mike with an iron bar. Mike took it from him and bent it. The punk didn’t stop running until he hit the state line. She thinks how Mike still carried the iron bar to this day. Blaire wonders what she would tell younger self if she could go back. She wonders if she would tell her not to be ecstatic when Mike White finally notices her, about how Mike would become sheriff, about how the doctor would tell her that she couldn’t bear Mike’s children, about how Mike became so frustrated that she couldn’t give him the son that he wanted that he hit her for the first time. She thinks how he apologized later, but that he stopped apologizing long ago. She thinks how everyone thought that they would have a safe town when Mike was elected Sheriff. She thinks that the only threat is Mike himself. She remembers when Jack Flaherty ran against Mike for sheriff and how they never did find Jack. She says that of course nothing could be proven. She thinks about what she would say to her younger self and realizes that she would tell her to run as fast and as far as she could. Blaire grabs her bag and puts on sunglasses over her bruised eye.

Mike says that it looks like their guest is going to sleep the whole day away. Larry says that he wonders what makes a guy get like that. He says that the guy is going to wind up with a liver the size of Rhode Island. He says that “Sleeping Beauty” is talking again. Banner is dreaming on his cot and talking, “Cl… clam up Leader. Tryin’ to fix the machines. Machines… machines to change you back… Banner gotta get rid of Banner. You promised. What are you… smirking about? What do you mean you know… all about us?” In Banner’s dream Samuel Sterns says, “What I mean, Doctor Banner… sorry, Hulk… is that I’ve studied you thoroughly. I know why your changes have been in constant flux throughout the years. It goes all the way back to the gamma bomb explosion that created you. Unlike every other such gamma exposure I’ve studied, this one took place outdoors.” Hulk asks, “Yeah? So?” Stern goes on, “The Sun Hulk, don’t you see? The Sun’s light and radiation interlaced with the intense gamma rays. It’s not the moon that’s affected you, then and now, it’s the Sun, it always was. That’s why you change into the Hulk only at night. Not because the moon has risen, but because the Sun has disappeared, removing the passive influence it has on you. That’s why the Hulk, when you were Hulk during the day, was not malevolent, but wanted only to be left alone. But that’s not all. The moon has a continuing effect on you, since moonlight is only reflected sunlight. Essentially, it’s the inverse of the werewolf legends. The more full the moon is, the more reflected sunlight there is, and the less powerful and dominant will be the Hulk persona. Conversely, during a new moon, the Hulk persona is at its strongest. Even to the point where you can subliminally affect the thoughts of Bruce Banner. Rick Jones shared this split with you, since it was the nutrient bath with you that created his Hulk. Recent sunspot activity, I theorize, expedited the changes in his personality that led to his Hulk becoming more savage.” Hulk says, “I get it, when it’s darkest, that’s when I’m at my peak. Those are the times I have the most chance of getting rid of Banner…” Larry reminds Mike that they are supposed to turn the clocks back tonight. Banner sits up with a start. He sees the clock on the wall and tells the sheriff that he has to call Gamma Base immediately. Mike says that after that they will call Moon Base Alpha. Bruce says that he doesn’t understand who he is dealing with. Mike smacks Banner’s hand with his iron bar and says that he is the one that doesn’t understand things here. He says that he is in charge and that no one tells him what to do. Not his whining wife, not the mayor, not the city council, no one. He says, “I’m king here, understand? I rule with my good right arm and my iron bar.” Banner changes into Hulk. Hulk tears apart the cell and says, “Oh, yeah? And whaddaya do when ya meet somebody… who’s got a bigger bar?” Larry shoots his gun off Hulk’s back. Hulk knocks Larry over and says that they still don’t get who they are dealing with. He says that he barely has to tap him to knock him out. Mike punches Hulk in the face with his iron bar. Hulk says that isn’t bad, but wants to see if he can take it.

Mike goes flying through the window and Hulk says that he guesses not. Blaire and some of the townspeople see Mike hit the ground. Mike sees Blaire’s bag and asks where she thinks she is going. Hulk leaps outside and says not to tell him that he collapses after the first punch. Blaire sees the Hulk and tells Mike to run. Mike tells Blaire to shut up. Mike shoots two bullets off Hulk’s chest. Hulk tells Mike to keep acting the tough guy and giving out orders. He knocks the gun out of his hand and tells him to show everyone what a big man he is. Mike says that this is his town and for Hulk to get out. Mike hits Hulk with the bar again. Hulk tells him to go ahead and get real mad. He tells him to get as mad as he was when he was lording it over Banner. Hulk says that he would have left him alone if he hadn’t made him mad. Hulk grabs the iron bar and tears it apart. He tells Mike that was his first mistake. Mike says that this is his town. Hulk grabs Mike and lifts him into the air. Mike says that he isn’t afraid of him. Hulk slams Mike against the ground and says that was his second mistake.

The people cheer the Hulk on to beat up their bully. Blaire remembers when the crowd was chanting for Mike instead of against him.

Hulk hits Mike again. Hulk says that best of all is that he isn’t even breaking a sweat. Hulk says that compared to guys he has fought that Mike is less than nothing. He says that if he cut loose that Mike would be dead. Mike says that he has to beat Hulk and protect his town. The people are cheering for Hulk to finish Mike. Hulk says that it sounds like the people don’t share Mike’s concern. Hulk thinks to Banner to look at those people and then tell him who the monster is. Blaire grabs Mike’s gun and shouts for Hulk to leave him alone. Hulk says that she picked up the gun even though she knows it won’t hurt him. Blaire says that she made a promise long ago to him. Hulk says that he can see it in her eyes that she wants the same thing the crowd wants. He says that he makes her life miserable and to let him end it for her. Blaire cocks the gun. Hulk tells Blaire that she can have him. Blaire helps Mike up and says that they have to get him to a hospital. Mike starts yelling at Blaire that he doesn’t need her help. He says that he doesn’t need her simpering over him in front of the whole town. He says, “You’ve humiliated me in front of everyone! How am I supposed to function from now on?! How do I get respect if everyone thinks my wife has to rescue me? You idiot! There’s going to be the devil to pay when I get you home!” He reaches for the gun, but it goes off and kills him. Blaire turns to Hulk and says that she didn’t mean to do that. Hulk says, “Hah. Sure ya didn’t.” Hulk leaps way and tells Banner not to cry. He says that Banner thought that he was alone, but that there are monsters everywhere. He says that most of the time you don’t even need gamma rays to let them out.

At Christie’s Bar, Ramon is just about to give up on Betty since she is over two hours late. Ramon says that it is too bad. He says that she had something in her that only he could touch. Betty stands behind Ramon and asks if he is going to turn into a monster. Ramon says that he turns into a wolf when the moon is full. He says that she knows him. Betty says that she thinks she does, but that she thought that she knew Bruce, her father, and herself. She says that sometimes she thinks that she doesn’t know anything. She tells him to make her feel special the way he used to. Ramon says that is what he does best.

No Excuses rating: 8 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

If you don't feel like hunting down the individual issues go out and buy Hulk Visonaries: Peter David Volume 1. It collects Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #331-339 and fits in nicely before Hulk Ground Zero which collects Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #340-346. To order the Visionaries book click here or on the picture to go to the amazon.com page.

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