Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #373

Title: “Mending Fences”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Dale Keown

Inker: Sam De La Rosa

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

The gray Hulk is trying to push the savage Hulk back inside the golden door. He says, “Get back in there, ya green goofball!” Savage Hulk says, “Puny Hulk thinks he can keep real Hulk away, but…” Gray Hulk tells him to shut up. Hulk says that everything was going great. He says that he was building his own rep and beating all the losers that thought he was easy pickings. He says that he beat the Abomination, the Thing, and The Blob. He says that he almost made the world forget that he used to have the brain and skin coloring of an avocado. He says that then the savage Hulk had to show up with his muscles and his cliché-ridden Hulk Smash shtick. The gray Hulk tells the savage Hulk to bug off and that he and Banner were doing better without him. The savage Hulk says, “Hulk hates puny Banner! And Hulk hates stupid door! And most of all… Hulk hates you!” The gray Hulk says, “Look! Behind ya! Ain’t that Lou Ferrigno?” The savage Hulk turns and says, “What? Who?” The gray Hulk slams the door shut and puts the brace across it again. Hulk shouts out to Banner and wants to know where he is. He asks what he thinks he was doing letting him out. He asks what was so important that it couldn’t wait until night. He asks what could have gotten him angry enough. Suddenly it dawns on Hulk that it has to be Betty. Hulk says that it takes someone you really love to get you that hacked off. Hulk says that this is great. He says that now that he let the green goofball out once that it will be that much harder to keep him in control.

Bruce and Betty hold one another. They start to talk to one another at the same time. Betty says that it is a miracle. Bruce says that if anyone was entitled to one that it would be them. Suddenly two cops are running down the track telling them not to move. They say that they want to talk to them. Bruce says that he considers that a conversation with little social value. They start to run. Betty asks if Bruce thinks they are upset because she jumped off a moving train. Bruce says that it probably didn’t help. Bruce runs up to a man getting on his motorcycle. He tells the man that they need his bike. Betty and the man both say, “What?” Bruce tosses the man to the ground and says that he thought what he said was fairly clear. Betty asks Bruce what he is doing. Bruce says that he is meeting the world on its own terms, and making sure that nothing separates them again. Betty says that this is stealing. Bruce says to think of it as creative borrowing. Betty says that he has never ridden a motorcycle before. Bruce says that Rick showed him once, and that it only has half as many wheels as a car so it should be half as difficult. Bruce speeds away and asks Betty how he is doing. Betty says that Rick would be proud.

In a shadowed alleyway, Rick Jones runs from two figures chasing him with their dogs. Rick leaps over a fence just as the dogs are nipping at his shoes. Rick run son the other side and says that he hates over aggressive fans.

The police stand around trying to figure out what happened. One says that he thought this stuff only happened in New York. One of them says that it was commies. Another tells Phil to give it a rest, but Phil says that he still doesn’t trust them. Phil says that the feds just showed up. One of the other cops asks how he knows. Phil says that all their unmarked cars look the same. He says that they are always taking charge too. The woman walks up, says that she is from the FBI, and says that they are taking over. Phil asks what business it is of theirs. The woman says that it is possible involvement of the Hulk. Phil says that the Hulk sure will be scared of her. The woman says that this is serious business, Phil says that he will try to stop laughing at her then. One of the cops calls out to “Sarge”. He points to floating torn skin that still has hair. He says that this is the weirdest thing he ever saw.

Bruce and Betty spot the FBI ahead. Bruce says that they can’t go back the way they came, and to just keep your head down and pray. He says that they have had some practice at that lately.

The FBI man says that it isn’t a dead body, but dead skin. The woman says that it is shed like a snake that outgrew it. The man says, “Bingo”. The woman says that the face is a positive ID for Banner too. She says that this is a variation on the classic Hulk/Banner scenario. The man says, “Bingo” again. He says that’s why the locals need them and that they are trained observers. One of the cops points out to the trained observers that the skin guy just rode by them on a motorcycle. The man says to contact the nearest army base and tell them that they are on the Hulk’s trail. The woman says that they will need all their available troops. The man says, “Bingo” yet again.

Bruce and Betty bang on the door of the convent. A nun answers the door and tells them to stop banging, but is surprised to see Elizabeth. Betty says that she has to see the Mother Superior. Betty tells the Mother Superior that she knows it is asking a lot, but if she could please hide them just for a short time until things calm down. The Mother Superior looks at Bruce and says that he is Betty’s “late husband”. She says that he isn’t what she expected. Bruce says that he is never what people expect. The Mother Superior tells Bruce not to take this the wrong way, but she asks why he isn’t dead. Bruce says that he doesn’t know. He says that whatever saved him from the gamma bomb put him out of commission for several months and left the Hulk in total charge. Betty asks the Hulk what the Hulk was doing for those months. Bruce starts to tell her, but then claims that he doesn’t know that either. He says that he sounds like a broken record. Betty says that it doesn’t matter. She says that they have found each other, and that nothing is going to separate them ever again. A loud voice booms, “Doctor Banner! We know you’re in there! This is Colonel O’Connor of the United States Army. You are to come out immediately with your hands raised over your head. Otherwise… things could get ugly.” The Mother Superior says that this is the rudest thing and that this is such a quiet neighborhood normally. Bruce says that they do this to him all the time. The Mother Superior says that it is most inconsiderate. A sister runs in and says that they have to stop them. The Mother Superior asks if they are supposed to rip out their ignition wires like on the Sound of Music. She says that she doesn’t care for their tone though and walks out.

The Mother Superior walks up to the Colonel and says that the Banners have requested sanctuary in a house of God, and that they will kindly leave. The Colonel says that they are wanted by the U.S. government, and that he is going to get them out. The Mother Superior asks Colonel O’Connor if he attended Catholic school. The man says he attended St. Francis. The Mother Superior says that she knows the principal over there and that he runs a tight ship. She asks him if he would have addressed the sisters there in the fashion that he is now. She tells him not to just stand there. She asks if this is how he behaved in school. The Colonel says that isn’t the point. The Mother Superior says that respect is respect, and that it is certainly the point. She says that if he had spoken to his teachers this way that he would have gotten his knuckles rapped. She says that she has a ruler on her desk. Doc Samson asks if there is a problem. Colonel O’Connor says that you would have to go to Catholic school to understand. Samson says that being intimidated by nuns is a common phobia for Catholic school grads. Samson says that he attended Yeshiva, and that he will be fine unless a very strict rabbi shows up. Samson tells the Mother Superior that with all due respect that they will wait forever if they have to, but that the Banners aren’t leaving.

Betty is looking out the window. She tells Bruce that Leonard Samson is here too. When Bruce doesn’t answer she looks over and sees the gray Hulk. Betty says that she can’t believe that she forgot.

Samson tells the Mother Superior that she has no idea the power of the man she is dealing with. He says that she must have questions. The Mother Superior asks Samson why his hair is green. Samson says that it is because of steroids. Suddenly Samson realizes that the sun is going down. The FBI man tells Samson not to worry about it. He says that their intelligence reports that Banner has reverted to the green Hulk scenario with anger triggering the change. He says that is why they are proceeding with caution. He says that they have a tranq rifle for back up. He says that the day/night thing obviously doesn’t apply since the green and the gray Hulks can’t co-exist. Samson says, “Oh, of course. They couldn’t possibly co-exist. Wait a minute. Banner’s a multiple personality. Why can’t they co-exist?” Hulk sneaks out a manhole cover. He shouts, “Hey! Sigmund Freud! Prescribe this, ya quack!” Hulk throws a tank at Samson. Samson shouts to Hulk that there is a man in that tank. Samson takes the hit to protect the man inside. The tank pushes Samson back to the lake.

Hulk turns to the soldiers and says, “Next.” The soldiers start firing on Hulk. The bullets bounce off and some rounds start hitting the convent. Betty dives to the ground. Hulk leaps into the air to draw their fire away. He says that puncturing nuns is going to make them look real good. Hulk says that next they will be shooting one another. He says that he has to stop them for their own good. Hulk stomps the ground and sends them all flying from the shockwave. A soldier hopelessly throws a grenade. Hulk is yelling and turns and the grenade lodges itself right in his mouth. Hulk starts choking. He thinks about how if he doesn’t get it out that there will be a lobotomy all over the street. He uses the Heimlich on himself and spits it out. The grenade explodes in Hulk’s face. Hulk clutches his eyes and says that he was looking right at it and got shrapnel in his eyes. He says that he is blind. Samson tells Hulk that he is there. He calls for a medic to come quickly. Hulk opens his hands over his eyes and says, “Sucker.” Hulk hits Samson three times and knocks him to the ground. Hulk says that Samson is such a jerk. He says that the green-skinned goon has an excuse since he is a moron. Hulk asks “Lenny” what his excuse is. Samson says that his excuse is that he cares and wants to help him. Hulk says that the government stooge wants to help him to an early grave. Samson blocks Hulk’s punch and hits him in the stomach. Samson says that Hulk is wrong about him, and that he is wrong to underestimate him. Samson kicks Hulk in the stomach and says that he forgets that he knocked him out… even when he was green. Hulk says that now Samson is comparing him and that he hates that. Hulk grabs Samson’s hair and smashes his face into the ground. Hulk says that Samson only decked him because he tricked him, and that he can’t forget about stunts like that with him from now on. Hulk holds Samson in the air by his hair. Samson weakly tells Hulk to listen to him. Hulk says that he is listening and that he can hear him fine from over there. Hulk tosses Samson into an army vehicle. Hulk says that it is always army jerks. He wonders why they never send real men like the marines after him. One of the soldiers says that there is no one better than the army. Hulk jumps up and says, “Hey, you almost made me laugh. And that’s a trick ‘cause no one has ever has.”

Hulk tears through the wall and tells Betty that they are “blowing this berg”. Hulk asks her what she is looking at. Betty says that she doesn’t know and that he looks different somehow. Hulk says that he started using Grecian formula to get the gray out. He says to come on so they can go. The Mother Superior comes in and sees the mess that is her office. Betty says that she is so sorry about this, and that she hates to leave her like this. The Mother Superior tells her it is all right and to go. Betty hands her a goblet and says that she caught it. The Mother Superior thanks her and says that it has sentimental value and tells her to go. Betty says that her desk is still standing and that you can hardly see the bullet holes. The Mother Superior asks her to just go. The Mother Superior places the goblet on the desk. The desk collapses. The Mother Superior says, “This was a test, wasn’t it?”

Samson tells Hulk to wait and that he just wanted to help. One of the army men watches Hulk leap away with Betty and says that somehow he gets the feeling that Hulk doesn’t want his help.

Betty says that she thought he was dead. Hulk says that monsters always come back in the sequels. He asks if that isn’t what he is to her… a monster… an ugly side of her husband. Hulk says that he is like alcoholism. He says that she loves Banner, but that he has this huge problem that she is stuck with. Hulk asks Betty if it makes her hate him. Betty asks Hulk what he did for all those months. Hulk says that it is none of her business and to answer the question. Betty says that she doesn’t hate him, and that she has spent the last few months learning how not to hate. She says that there has to be a reason for everything… even monsters. Hulk says that maybe he hates Betty. Betty says that he doesn’t hate her. She says that he is afraid of her. Hulk scoffs, but Betty says that it is true. Betty says that he feels affection for her, and that it makes him like ‘puny Banner’. She says that they are both tangled in clumsy emotions, but that maybe, like alcoholics and their families, they can form their own support groups to deal with things. Betty says that if they can’t love each other that maybe they can at least tolerate, or even help, each other. Hulk says, “Who do you think you’re talking to? A boy scout? Cripes! Support groups! You’re nuts! I can just see it. ‘Hello, my name is the Hulk. I’m a gamma-irradiated monster, I admit it freely.” Betty is silent and then starts to laugh. Hulk asks what is so funny. Betty says that she is picturing him, the Abomination, and the Leader on little folding chairs in a circle. Hulk says that she has really lost it, but then he says that the little chairs keep breaking under them. Hulk and Betty laugh together.

No Excuses rating: 10 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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