Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #375

Title: “Night of the Living Skrulls”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Dale Keown

Inker: Bob McLeod

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Rick stands in the middle of a Skrull ship. Rick says that it is a Skrull outpost. He says that he has been kidnapped by aliens and that this is just what he needed. One of the Skrulls ask Rick what he is doing still wearing the ugly human of Rick Jones for. Rick says, “Uhhh… it’s stuck.” The Skrull asks what in the nebula he is talking about, but the Skrulls are distracted when on the screen they see Super Skrull about to dispatch some intruders. One of the Skrulls says that they were asking all over town about Jones. The other says that he knows that he is thinking about bringing Jones out here to watch his friends die. He says that nothing produces as much stress as watching fellow humans die. The Skrull says, “That stress will stimulate his mind to display the mind power he once wielded, so that we can tap it. That is our mission, after all.” Rick says, “Display his power?’ You mean the mind power that ended the Kree-Skrull war? But… but that was the Intelligence Supreme pushing him into that! He could never do it on his own.” The Skrull says that is for their mission to decide, and that he is surprised he is questioning orders.

Betty tells Super Skrull to stay away from Bruce for his own safety. Super Skrull says that inferior beings have screamed when they faced him, cursed him, and fainted dead away, but none have ever expressed concern for his welfare. He says that is amusing. Bruce asks Betty what is happening. Betty tells Super Skrull that he doesn’t understand. She tells him that if she attacks Bruce… Super Skrull cuts her off and says, “He’ll what? Bleed profusely?” Bruce thinks that he will change into the Hulk, but that he isn’t getting angry. He say that there is a fog on his brain… a gray haze”. Bruce realizes it’s gray.

Hulk says, “Yeah, Banner! Me!” Hulk stands against the golden door holding the savage Hulk in. He says, “You want anybody, you let me out! Not Mr. Potato Head back there. I don’t need this green jerk to solve problems. It’s like Hyde was saying. The main reason I stay corked up during the day is because you’re ashamed of me! Ashamed of what I represent! Well you better get unashamed, mister… and you better do it fast!” The savage Hulk pounds on the door and shouts to let the real Hulk out! Gray Hulk tells him to flex himself. Savage Hulk says that he will kill him. Gray Hulk tells him to put an egg in his shoe and beat it. Savage Hulk shouts that he doesn’t wear shoes.

Super Skrull tells Betty that her companion is threatening. He says that he is “threatening” to pass out. He tells Betty not to worry about him and that he has survived some of the most vicious assaults imaginable. He says that the Silver Surfer thought he had mortally wounded him and left him for dead. Super Skrull says that he was actually in a deep healing coma, as is customary for his kind when they are frightfully injured. He thought that he was dead so he dropped him into a planet’s atmosphere thinking it would cremate him as befits a warrior. Super Skrull says that what Surfer didn’t realize was that the friction merely activated his Human Torch powers. He says that the flame hastened his recovery, but he was picked up by a ship that had been following him and saw what happened to him. The Badoon were planning on dissecting him to learn his secrets, but he came to and killed them.

Rick says that he isn’t questioning orders. He says that he is just saying that they won’t shock him by showing him death on a screen. He says that they have that on Earth all the time and that it is called television. One of the Skrulls says that he is right. He says to order the Super Skrull to return with his captives.

Super Skrull says that if he can survive all that he can survive them. Super Skrull has his elastic arms wrapped around each of their necks. Super Skrull says that it is nothing personal. He says that they want to beat the Kree, but that humans always seem to get in the way. Under orders from the commander, the Skrull tells Super Skrull that the commander tells him to return to the ship with his captives alive. Super Skrull says that is nonsense. He says that they are his captives and that he will dispose of them as he wishes. The Skrull says that the commander was most explicit. Super Skrull says that he tires of his commander’s arrogance, and that he doesn’t know who he is dealing with. Super Skrull says that he thinks he will show him now. Super Skrull says that he is going to kill the woman first because of her ludicrous claims of concern for me. Banner begs Hulk. Hulk tells Banner to choose. He says that it is her or him. Banner says, “All… all right…” Hulk says, “Awright.” Banner hulks out. Super Skrull says that this is getting more entertaining by the moment. Super Skrull says that mutated as he is could he be the Hulk. Super Skrull says that their intelligence says that the Hulk is dead. Hulk says that it sounds like he could use some more intelligence, and that he is just the one to pound it into him. Hulk hits Super Skrull’s head and with the elastic neck sends it rocketing backward. Super Skrull says, “For the love of Kolker! Is there no one on this planet who’s normal anymore?!”

On the Skrull ship, Rick says, “All right! That really is Bruce out there! I knew he wasn’t… dead?” The Skrull realizes that this is the real Jones. He says that he is impersonating the Skrull that was impersonating him. Rick says that now he can watch his impersonation of Indiana Jones. He says that they are related. Rick hits the Skrull and runs.

Betty says that now she is really confused. She says that she thought he was only supposed to come out during nighttime. Hulk says that he figures it has to be night somewhere. Betty says that is no answer. Hulk says maybe, but that is all she is going to get for now. The Skrull that came down to order the Super Skrull back to the ship takes a shot and hits Hulk’s back. Hulk tells Betty to excuse him for a second and that he has something in his eye. Hulk punches the Skrull and he is sent sailing away. He says that it is gone now. Super Skrull flies into Hulk with Torch’s powers and Thing’s hands. He says enough wasting time with underlings. He says that true warriors will fight now. Super Skrull says that this will be glorious. Hulk says that he has to be kidding him. He says that his fire can’t hurt him, his stretching is a joke, and that as for his strength he says to excuse him for not being impressed by an “ersatz Thing”. Hulk says, “I’ve gone toe-to-toe with the genuine article, and believe me… there ain’t nothing like the real Thing, baby.” Super Skrull says that he is mocking him. Hulk says that Super Skrull is quick. Super Skrull smashes Hulk through a wall and says that he is the greatest warrior in the Skrull army. Hulk says that they must not have a real picky enlistment office. Super Skrull tosses Hulk away. He says that Hulk seems to think that he is something special. Super Skrull says that he is facing an opponent whose home is in the stars. He shoots flames at the Hulk. He says that he has strode across planets and ravaged it with his own two hands. He says that he has detonated stars, collapsed worlds, torn down civilizations and rebuilt them in his own image. He says that he has fought and conquered beings of cosmic scope. Super Skrull asks Hulk what he has done lately. Hulk says that he has been “beating the tar out of boasting, self-aggrandizing bozos like you! Morons who take joy and pride in the suffering of innocents! That’s what I’ve done lately!” Hulk hits Super Skrull and sends him flying.

Rick runs through the ship. He says that he hopes the Hulk is doing okay. He says that he hopes he is doing okay. Suddenly Captain America appears. He says that it is okay and that the Avengers are here. He says that it is just a matter of mopping up. Rick extends his hand and says that he is glad to see him. Rick flips Cap over the walk way and says that it confirms for him that the Skrulls aren’t getting any smarter. Rick asks if they thought they would catch him the same stunt twice. Captain America turns into a flying Skrull. He pulls a pistol and tells Jones to surrender. Jones says that he doesn’t get it. He says that first the Hulk is dead, now he is alive. He says that the Skrulls lose their shape shifting powers, and now they have them back. The Skrull says that the ability to change is a gift the empress gives to her finest warriors. He says that he is the best engineer in her royal forces. He says that he has no hope of escaping him. He says that he knows this ship like the back of his hand. The Skrull slams into the wall.

Hulk thinks that the sunlight is still slowing him down. He says that he has made headway in being the dominant persona, but that Banner is making it tough for him. An invisible Thing hand hits Hulk in the face. An invisible Super Skrull presses Hulk over his head. Hulk tells him to come out and fight like a whatever. Super Skrull says that invisibility is one of his greatest weapons. Hulk says that he would sneak into girls’ locker rooms. Super Skrull throws Hulk and says that what he is going to do is die. He says that death is the only possibility when you are facing someone with all the powers of the Fantastic Four at his disposal. Hulk thinks to himself that Super Skrull keeps boasting that. He wonders why he doesn’t just use them all, all the time. Super Skrull sees that Hulk has stopped moving and asks if that means he has accepted the inevitable. Hulk thinks to himself that it must tax his strength. He figures that each power drains him. He thinks that he picks and chooses. He thinks that he won’t use a power unless he knows he’ll need it. Hulk quietly breaks off a piece of a bar. Super Skrull turns Hulk around. He asks where his boasts are now. He says that the strength of the Thing that he mocked earlier will surely finish him now. Hulk says, “Wrong. And don’t call me ‘Shirley’. Hulk stabs Super Skrull with the piece of the bar he broke off. Super Skrull says that he stabbed him. Hulk says that it is too bad he wasn’t using Richards’ rubberiness or Torch’s flame or even if he his whole body was rocky. Hulk hits Skrull and says that he understands about him wanting to conserve power. Hulk says that he doesn’t have that problem. Super Skrull struggles to his feet, but just as he stands up… Hulk lands on him.

Rick pushes his way past a Skrull. The one Skrull tells the other not to fire at him. Rick figures that they can’t take a chance at hitting the controls. Rick starts pushing buttons. The ship starts to rumble.

Betty asks why the ground is shaking. Hulk says that it is because his life isn’t exciting enough.

The Skrull tells Rick to get away. Rick tells him to dry up and that this isn’t much more complicated to drive than his old Chevy.

The ship rises out of the ground… leaving Hulk, Betty, and Super Skrull standing on top of it. Hulk grabs Betty and says that he has better things to do than become an astronaut. Super Skrull swings at Hulk, but Hulk dodges and the Thing hand goes through the outside of the ship.

One Skrull points out to the commander that there has been a hull breach.

Super Skrull says that there will be no more tricks and that this will finally end. Hulk says that if he insists. Hulk hits Super Skrull and drives him like a spike through the ship. He falls into the energy core. Betty falls off the side of the ship. She shouts, “Hulk! Bruce! Help meeee!” Hulk asks her if she wants him or Banner holding her when she lands from a thousand feet up. Betty says she wants Hulk. Hulk compliments her choice.

The Skrull tells the commander that something has fallen into the energy core. He says that it has ruptured and that overload is commencing. He says that they only have seconds left and asks what they do. The commander says that they die. The ship explodes.

Betty says that Rick was captured by them and that he must have been on the ship. As Hulk transforms into Banner he says, “Yeah, well its… it’s not like I care about… about… Rick… my friend...” Bruce says that he is gone after all they have been through. Rick parachutes right in front of Betty and Bruce. He asks them if they missed him. Rick says that he always carries a miniature parachute in case he has to jump from an exploding Skrull ship. Bruce says that is ridiculous. Rick asks why and says that he had to. Rick says that Bruce looks good for a dead guy. He says that it is night now and asks where the Hulk is. Bruce says that he doesn’t know what it means except that maybe for the first time in ages that he can get some sleep. Rick tells them to come with him to hitch a ride home. He says that he has had enough of the book tour jazz and that he wants to go home. Rick says that he has a new apartment in Reno. He says that he has a swimming pool and a new girlfriend. Rick says that they are going to love her.

Rick’s girlfriend knock on his door. Rick’s neighbor says that if she is looking for god’s gift to women that he is still on his book tour. She says that Mr. Flirtation is Rick all right. His neighbor says, “Ill tell him you came by Miss…?” Rick’s girlfiend says, “Chandler. Marlo Chandler. I’m his girlfriend.”

No Excuses ratings: 8.5 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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