Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #383

Title: “Green Canard”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Dale Keown

Inker: Mark Farmer

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Betty Banner looks into the mirror in a state of shock. Her hair is green. He screams for Marlo. Marlo wakes up on the couch. Betty says that she is going to grow feathers again. Marlo wakes up and sees Betty’s hair. Betty says that her head is splitting and that she is going to change any second. Marlo tells Betty that she isn’t changing. She says that she is hung over. Betty suddenly remembers and says that Marlo is the one that did that to her hair. Marlo asks if she did. She says that she can’t feel her face and asks if it is still there. Betty says that it won’t be for long. Marlo says that the important thing is not to panic. Betty says that is one option shot. Marlo heads into the bathroom. She says that he gets what happened. She holds up two bottles. One is a hair dye and the other is called “Janitor in a Drum”. Marlo says that they were really drunk and that the bottles do look alike. Betty shouts that Marlo cleaned her hair with cleaning fluid. Marlo says that it was an honest mistake. Betty says that the Alaskan oil spill was too. There is a knock at the door. Marlo goes to the door as Betty hides her head under a pillow. Marlo says that things go wrong in life, and that if she wants to escape it she should become a nun. Betty says that she tried that, but that it didn’t help. Marlo opens the door and pulls back in shock. Rick and Hulk stand at the door. Hulk rests his arm over the top of the door as Rick tells Marlo that he knew Hulk would be back. Betty looks up at Bruce from the couch. Hulk looks at Betty’s hair and says, “For me? Aw Betty… you shouldn’t have.”

Frank and Charlie are climbing down into the sewer system. Frank is telling Charlie that when he and his wife go to parties that people are actually impressed that he works in the sewers. Charlie doesn’t believe him, but Frank goes on. He says that people are always asking him if it isn’t dangerous to work in the sewers with all the alligators and monsters in the New York sewers. Frank tells Charlie that he always thought that monsters in the sewer story was ridiculous. A voice agrees with Frank. Frank and Charlie turn their flashlights towards the voice. They say that he shouldn’t be down there. Abomination says, “Tell me about it.” Frank and Charlie goes running and screaming out of the sewer. Abomination says that is your tax dollars at work. He climbs out of the sewer and looks up at the building in front of him. He climbs the building until he is outside Nadia’s window. He looks in on her sleeping. He says that he wishes he knew the things to say or the things to do. He says that he doesn’t know if he is paralyzed by her beauty or his own ugliness. He asks for a sign of what he should do.

Hulk sits at the table with Rick, Marlo, and Betty. He tells them of his time with the Pantheon. He says that they only want the best for humanity and that they want him to be a part of it. Rick asks if that doesn’t sound cool. Betty says, “Oh… very cool.” Bruce says that he wants them to move into the Mount. He says that they will finally be able to be together. He says there would be no more running or hiding. Betty says that they would be practically be prisoners. She says that she just left an insular closed life and that she doesn’t want more of the same. Hulk stands up and reaches his hand out towards her. He says that she has it all wrong. He says that they could be together. Bruce sees that Betty is flinching when he reaches towards her. He goes quiet. Bruce says, “It’s not them. It’s me, isn’t it?” Betty reminds him that he said he would give her time. Bruce turns and tells her to take all the time she needs. He walks out.

Out on the street he tells himself that he is okay giving her time because he really loves her. He says that he is fine with this. Hulk slams his fist against a car and destroys it. Rick comes out after Hulk and sees the wreck. Rick tells him that Betty will come around. Hulk says that she had better, but doesn’t repeat it when Rick asks what he said. Rick says that he trusts Bruce, but that maybe the Pantheon gig isn’t good. Rick spots an enormous ship overhead. Rick asks if Luke Skywalker is flying. Hulk says that is his ride. He grabs Rick and leaps up to the ship. Hulk makes introductions. He says, “Rick, this is Ulysses, one of the Pantheon. Ulysses, this is Rick Jones, one of the best.” Ulysses says that he read Rick’s book. Rick asks what he thought. Ulysses says that it was turgid and self-aggrandizing. Rick asks if he can use that as a pull quote. Rick asks Ulysses if he is supposed to be Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon. Ulysses says that he is cute. He asks Hulk where his wife is. Hulk says that she is indisposed. He asks if they are going back to the Mount. Ulysses says that they have a slight detour. Hulk asks how slight. Ulysses says that it is 2,000 miles and that they are headed to New York.

Nadia Dornova walks out to the car where Sergi waits for her. He says that she looks gorgeous as always. Nadia gets in the car. In the review mirror stands the large shadowed silhouette of her stalker. Nadia asks if they are being followed again. Sergi looks and sees the mirror empty. He says that it is nothing and that he has contacted some friends to be sure that it stays nothing.

Betty is drying her hair. Marlo says that there is a lot of things that Betty should have told Bruce. Things he was entitled to hear. Betty says that he wouldn’t have wanted to hear it and wouldn’t have understood. Betty reveals her new short blond haircut. She asks how she looks and Marlo says that she looks like a punk Barbie doll. Marlo asks what Bruce wouldn’t have understood. Betty says that she knows that it sounds selfish, but that she wants to feel needed. She says that when Bruce was just Bruce that he needed her desperately. She says that she wants someone that can’t live without her. She tells Marlo that she saw how easily he walked out of there and left her behind. Betty says that Bruce doesn’t need her and doesn’t need anyone. Betty says that Marlo is the one that said she should make her own life. Marlo says that she didn’t want to break up her marriage. Betty says that she was afraid to tell him. She was afraid of how he would react. She asks what kind of marriage it is if she is going to be afraid of him. She says that she doesn’t want to be afraid and that she doesn’t want to be baggage. Betty opens the newspaper and says that she wants to find a job where she matters.

As they fly along, Ulysses pulls a picture up. Rick asks who the babe is. Ulysses says that the “babe” is Nadia Dornova. She is an actress from the Soviet Union. He says that she is currently starring on Broadway in Metamorphosis. Rick asks if that is the Kafka thing that was like a first draft from “The Fly”. Hulk says that is one way of looking at it. Ulysses says that the Pantheon has hundreds of operatives around the world. He says that one of the operatives is a man named Sergi. Ulysses says that Sergi has informed them that Nadia has been being stalked for the last week or so by a big bruiser. He says that they would like Hulk to check it out. Hulk asks why they want him specifically. Ulysses says that they did some checking into Nadia’s background. He says that it turns out that she was once married to an Emil Blonsky. Ulysses pulls up a picture of Emil. Hulk says that the name does sound familiar. Ulysses says that this is a “before” picture. Ulysses pulls up a current picture. Hulk says, “The Abomination! You’re right. He’s definitely my problem…especially since I dumped him in toxic waste. He must have recovered enough to escape from wherever the government was holding him. Rick asks if they realize that if it wasn’t for bad guys that they would all be sitting around playing pinochle. Ulysses asks Hulk if he is sure that he wants “this bozo along”. Hulk says that Rick is worth ten of Ulysses. Ulysses says that he would ram those words down his throat if there wasn’t a good chance that he would kill him. Rick says that the Abomination running around in New York is something nice and simple. He says that he has had enough Skrulls, Kree, and Supreme Intelligence. He says to give him something down and dirty instead of something cosmic any day.

Silver Surfer tells Dr. Strange that he doesn’t understand. He says that Thanos is all-powerful and totally mad. Dr. Strange tells Silver Surfer to calm down. He says that if Thanos has returned that they will stop him like they always have. Strange tells him to pull himself together. Surfer says that his mental state doesn’t matter. Surfer says that if they don’t stop Thanos that nothing else will matter ever again.

Abomination broods in the sewers. He says that he thought he could do it. He thought he could watch her from a distance, but that a desire to win her back is swelling up inside him. Abomination says that he is already less than a man on the outside, but that if he stays there he is less than a man on the inside as well. He says that he is going to do something tonight. He doesn’t know what, but he will do something.

Rick watches Nadia’s performance from the wings. He says that this is incredible. Sergi tells Rick to lower his voice. Rick apologizes and says that it is incredible. Sergi says that he continues to be impressed with it himself. He says that he is also impressed with how quickly Ulysses responded to his request for help. He asks Rick where his associate is. Rick says that he is in the alley outside. Suddenly the man playing Gregor on stage disappears. Nadia freaks and asks Jack what happened to him. Rick says that is a great effect, but that Nadia blew her line since his character is named Gregor. Sergi says that the actor’s name is Jack, and that it isn’t in the script.

Strange tells Wong that he can feel something hideous is happening. Wong disappears before Strange’s eyes. The tray he was carrying drops to the ground.

Spider-Man is swinging along when his spider-sense suddenly goes insane.

In the play’s audience people start to just disappear. Hulk smashes through the door when he hears the people screaming. He asks where Abomination is. Rick says that he has to call Marlo. He says that he has to make sure that she is okay and that people are just disappearing. Hulk asks where Abomination is. Rick says that it isn’t the Abomination. Suddenly Rick disappears. He says that he can’t die now and that he has a gig on Thursday. Hulk freaks.

Surfer tells Dr. Strange that billions and billions of souls are blinking out of existence.

People are running around on the streets talking about how it is Judgment Day. Nadia falls as she runs and calls out for help. Abomination emerges from the manhole. He says that it is incredible. There is mass panic in the streets and that she is simply delivered to him. Abomination asks how clear the signs could be. Nadia screams when she sees Abomination. She passes out. Abomination scoops her up and says that she is safe now.

Hulk says that this is insane. He says that both Rick and Nadia are gone. He leaps through the ceiling and says that he needs to be up high. Hulk spots Abomination and says that this must be his diversion. Hulk calls out, “Blonsky! Drop her!” Hulk realizes that Emil can’t hear him. He also realizes that if he leaps down that with all the people running around that he is bound to crush someone. He climbs down the building and says that people are idiots getting in his way. Emil is climbing back into the manhole. He walks down the stairs. He says that he has never been a believer in fate, but that this is enough to convince anyone. Hulk follows him down. He says that it is hot as Hades, and that when he is through with Emil that he will be able to compare firsthand.

Hulk knocks through a door. He calls out to Blonsky to hold it. Abomination sees Hulk. He puts down Nadia and tells her to excuse him to take care of some unfinished business. Abomination sees that Hulk is green again. He asks if he lost a fight with Ted Turner. Hulk leaps over the catwalk towards Emil and says that he has a smart mouth. Emil notes that Hulk has a smart one as well. He says, “So what are you? The Intelligent Hulk? The Banner Hulk? The Dumb Hulk?” Hulk plows into Emil and says, “I’m Robert Bruce Banner… the Incredible Hulk!” Hulk asks where Rick and the others are. He asks how Emil pulled it off. Emil says that at least when Hulk was stupid that he knew what he was talking about. Hulk says that Emil made them disappear and to bring them back. He pushes Emil into a pipe which blows steam into Hulk’s face. Emil swings at Hulk, but misses. Emil says that maybe Hulk is intelligent and his hearing is just bad. He says that he didn’t make anyone disappear. He says that he only took back what was his. Hulk grabs Emil’s wrist and says that he will show him what is his. Hulk slams Emil against the floor. He says that is his. He says that there is more where that came from. Hulk says that if Emil thinks that he is ugly now to wait. He says that he will be nostalgic for his present looks when he is done. Hulk repeats again to tell him what he did with the people. Suddenly a vortex opens behind Hulk and snatches him from the sewer. Abomination says, “Well… if that’s not a conclusive sign… I don’t know what is.”

No Excuses rating: 9 out of 10

I love the references to Betty becoming the Harpy again. Her “head splitting” is hysterical. I’m also thrilled with the Abomination’s appearance. Abomination finally seems to have a reason to exist instead of just fighting Hulk because he is also a Gamma Person and because someone told him to do it. Keown does a great Abomination, though I do wish that he had maintained his more classical look for it. 4.5 out of 5 for both writing and art.

Review and pictures by The Leader

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