Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #390

Title: “This Means War”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Dale Keown

Inker: Mark Farmer

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

In Trans-Sabal, where the few are happy and the many starve, the many have risen up against the government. Large mandroid armors blast through the Pantheon forces that fight for the insurgents. A tank is destroyed.  The Trans-Sabal commander in the mandroid armor asks if the heavy anti-armor gun that was sighted has been disposed of. Another mandroid soldier tells him that it has been knocked off its mount. He says that they can’t lift it much less fire it. The commander says that he loves his job.

Pantheon soldiers find the anti-armor gun on the ground pinning a soldier named Harry to the ground. Harry says that he can’t feel his legs and that he is going to die there. All the soldiers in the area try to lift the weapon off but cannot do it. One of the soldiers says to get the hydraulic lift, but another says that the mandroids will be here any minute. He says that they have to get out of there, but he is told that they can’t leave him to die. He says that they have to survive until the reinforcements arrive. Harry says that there are no reinforcements. He says that the Pantheon sent them there to die. He says that they are all dead. Hulk stands there and says, “Not yet.” Hulk lifts up the anti-armor gun and says that Harry was lucky. He says that it seems that the surrounding rocks were supporting most of the weight, but that he should lie still until the med-unit can look him over. Harry says that he will and asks if he is one of the reinforcements that was on the way. Hulk says that he is a one man Cavalry. Hulk inspects the weapon and says that it is a nice piece of work, and that the fall didn’t seem to damage it. He sees that the ammo is full and accesses the trigger.

A mandroid blasts one of the Pantheon’s tanks. In the wreckage he sees the driver and says that he thinks that he sees one of the leaders that they were briefed on. He is told that he is a unit leader and to approach with caution. The mandroid soldier says not to worry and that he isn’t putting up any resistance. As the arm reaches out for Hector. Suddenly Hulk says that he wants them to know that he finds the prospect of “littering the landscape” with them distasteful. He says that they are only grunts after all. He asks them to believe him when he says to them, “Let us reason together.” Hulk is standing there with the anti-armor weapon on his shoulder, another large gun in his left hand, and bunny slippers on his feet. The mandroids shout that whatever that is to kill it. Hulk is hit with a pulse cannon blast. Hulk says that he tried to be reasonable, and that unlike Emil and Sabra that this wasn’t personal. He says that they are just grunts, but that they had their chance and that at some point they have to be responsible for their own actions. He says, “And besides… your pulse cannons ruined my bunny slippers.” Hulk starts firing the anti-armor cannon and blows two of the mandroid armors in half.

The soldiers climb out and say that they were told that this would be easy. They say that they’re not being paid enough for this.

Rick wakes up Hector with smelling salts. Hector wakes up shocked and says, “Jones! Dick Jones!” Rick says that it is Rick, but that he prefers ‘Indiana’. Hector says that they named the dog Indiana. Rick says that it is nice to see that they share the same taste in movies and asks Hector if he has seen T2 yet. Hector asks if this is the best place to discuss it, and Rick agrees that there is too much “heat flying”.

Hulk blasts another mandroid armor apart. He sees that the weapon is out of ammo and is disappointed because he was enjoying the noise the gun was making. The mandroid armored soldiers advance on Hulk. Hulk asks if they are that dedicated or that stupid. He says that they still don’t get it. He says, “Hasta la vista, baby!” and starts firing his other weapon.

Inside the palace, Farnaq Dahn is dining with a woman and Mr. Galvin, a representative from the United States. The woman says that everything there is “simply sumptuous” and that it is like something from another time. Farnaq thanks her and says that there are those that would have the world believe that they are barbarians. She says that she understands that he is having some troubles with the locals. Farnaq says that they are just troublemakers, and that there are always troublemakers. He says that with the support that they are receiving from the United States that he doesn’t anticipate trouble much longer. Mr. Galvin agrees. The woman asks Galvin who he is with, and Farnaq says that it is one of those agencies with letters for names and that it doesn’t really matter. He says that he will almost miss Mr. Galvin and their discussions about the American view of things. He turns to the woman and says, “This ‘democracy’… such a fascinating concept, isn’t it?” He says that in exchange for the US’s help that he has promised to institute democratic reforms. He slaps Mr. Galvin on the back and causes him to spill food all over himself. Galvin excuses himself and calls Farnaq a jerk when he walks away. Penfold runs up to Galvin and tells him that they have a very large problem.

Hulk keeps firing the gun and says that he is enjoying this. He says that he didn’t realize the pure joy of mayhem for a good cause. The mandroids keep advancing. One grabs the Hulk and says that he is glad that he is enjoying himself, but that his new weapon is only slowing them down. He says that he has Hulk now. Hulk says that they would like it if he were helpless like the innocent civilians that their government has been abusing. The soldier says that he would enjoy that, and that Hulk is helpless. Hulk flips the mandroid over and says that he will never go back to the days of being helpless, either in body or in the mind. One mandroid tells the others to keep on him and that he is weakening. Hulk laughs at them and asks if they think that he is weaker because he is not a brainless brute. Hulk leaps at them and says, “Hulk Smash’ my green butt! I’m gonna kill somebody!” Hulk starts tearing through the mandroids. He grabs two of them and smashes their heads together. Hulk leaps onto another and says that they have seen how tough he is without weapons and suggests seeing how they stand up. He tears through the armor to get to the soldier and says, “Heh! You’re lookin’, ah say, you’re lookin’ mighty pasty-faced, boy. Puny that is. You oughtta get out more!” He grabs the soldier and throws him out of the armor. Another mandroid blasts Hulk from behind at close range. He says that is two points for them and that it stung. The mandroid puts the firing arm up to Hulk’s head and says that this will do more than sting. Ulysses leaps through the air and cuts off the mandroid’s arm. The mandroid grabs Ulysses’ head in his other arm and tells the others that he has identified the unit leader and another that they were briefed on. Ulysses tells the soldier that he no longer has a unit to lead. He uses his sword and stabs it right through the armor and kills the soldier. He says that it hardly matters now though. Hulk yells at Ulysses for killing the soldier. Ulysses asks what happened to him killing somebody. Hulk says that he was kidding, but Ulysses says that he wasn’t. He says that this isn’t a show. He says that they are trying to kill one another and that he thought he understood how this worked.

Rick walks with Hector. Rick says to hold on and walks up to look at the armor. He says that he thought so when he sees the SHIELD emblem on the armor. He wonders what Bruce has gotten him into this time. He says that when he was brought to the Mount that he didn’t think about it, and decides that maybe he didn’t think at all.

Not long ago, Rick walks into Hulk’s door of his Pantheon quarters. He starts to call Bruce, but when he sees Hulk sitting, reading, and wearing glasses he apologizes saying he thought this was the Hulk’s room. Hulk looks up, takes off his glasses, and asks Rick what he is talking about. Rick sees Hulk without the glasses and “realizes” that it is him. He says that he never believed in that “glasses-as-disguise” thing, but that now he is convinced. Hulk says that he feels more comfortable reading with the glasses on. Hulk says that he is glad he could make it, but Rick says that when two Pantheon jumpsuits show up at his door that it is hard to resist. Rick says that this is a nice place, and that it is no wonder he stopped hanging out at his apartment. Rick hands Hulk a box and says that this is from Betty. Hulk says that Rick must be kidding. Rick says that she saw them in the store and that she couldn’t help but think of him. Hulk says that is amusing since he hasn’t thought of her in days. Rick picks up a book and asks how “How to Please a Woman and Make Her Beg for More” got there. Hulk says that he has no idea. He opens the box and sees two giant pink bunny slippers. He says that they are different and asks Rick to thank her for him. He says that he didn’t know bunny slippers came in size 20. Hulk tells Rick to come with him and that he wants to show him something. Hulk takes Rick to a burn ward and says that this was one of the reasons that he joined the Pantheon. He says that tomorrow a squad of them are going to join with Pantheon troops that are already fighting these people’s oppressive government. Rick asks if he means that these people’s own leaders did this to them. Hulk says that they did this and more. He says that he was hoping that he would join them. He says that Rick is smart, savvy, and has learned battle tactics from the best. He says, “And besides… in the words of Sherlock Holmes… I would be lost without my Boswell.” Rick says that he appreciates that, and that he will be happy to “ace the creep who treated his own people like this…”

Rick grabs the arm of one of the soldiers that was inside the mandroid suit. He says that he is not from SHIELD and asks the man who his boss is. The man weakly says, “I serve… the noble Farnaq Dahn… our ruler… appointed by God… And we will kill all those… who rise against him… we will fight to the last man… we will…” The man dies and Rick shouts that he wants to know where he got his equipment from. Hector says that he can’t tell him anything now. Rick says that he wishes he had asked Betty’s advice and that she always knows “what’s what”.

In Reno, Nevada, Betty is working at the Hot Line. She says that she doesn’t understand and wants to know what is going on. She asks Veronica if she took this message for her. Veronica says that she did and asks why. She says that the message said that Rick Jones’ mother called, but that it can’t be right since Rick is an orphan. Veronica says that she doesn’t know who Rick Jones is, and that she was just doing her a favor. She tells Betty to take her own messages next time. Betty thinks to herself that if she is going to do her a favor that at least she could do it right. Betty takes a call and a voice says that she has to talk to her. Betty says that she is talking to her. The voice says that she needs to meet with her in person. Betty asks who this is. The voice says that she is Jackie Shorr and that she is Rick Jones’ mother. Betty drops and breaks her coffee mug.

At the palace in Trans-Sabal, one of Farnaq’s soldiers is talking about the huge green monster. Galvin says that it sounds like one of the ninja turtles. Farnaq tells Arman to calm down and go get cleaned up. Galvin says that they do have a problem, kidding aside. Farnaq says that Galvin is the one with the problem, and that he said his government would provide him with SHIELD agents and equipment. Galvin says that isn’t the case. He says that they provided equipment and training for the soldiers, but that they can’t do more than that right now. He says that things are tricky with SHIELD’s personnel losses and the UN connections. Farnaq says that he doesn’t care how tricky things are. He says that he has assurances from the President. He says that Trans-Sabal aids the US’ energy needs and that the US aids them. He tells  him not to lose sight of that and asks who the green monster is. Galvin says that he is guessing that it is the Hulk, and that they knew he had fallen in with the Pantheon. Farnaq says that he has two hundred thousand troops and asks what difference a “Hulk” can make. Galvin says that is spoken like someone who doesn’t know what he is up against. Galvin says that the Hulk got a presidential pardon, and that he responded by going on a rampage. Galvin says that is why the GOP made such a big deal out of Willie Horton to cloud the issue before the Democrats could focus on the Hulk pardon. Galvin says that he has already told the President, and that he is sending a special task force. Farnaq asks what kind of task force. Galvin says that they are recently formed and answerable only to the President. He says that X-Factor should be able to handle the Hulk, the Pantheon, and the whole stinking lot.

X-Factor flies to Trans-Sabal. Val types on her laptop. Alex looks out the window. Wolfsbane and three Jaime Madrox are playing poker while Quicksilver watches. Polaris is reading something, and Guido is doing needle point…. and wearing giant pink bunny slippers.

No Excuses rating: 8 out of 10

Review and picture by The Leader

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