Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #413

Title: “The Troyjan War: part 1: Illegal Aliens”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Gary Frank

Inker: Cam Smith

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Trauma kneels before his father, but his father has his back turned to him and looks out at space. Trauma says that he cannot get Atalanta out of his mind. He says that he has ravaged hundreds of females, but that every time he can think only of her. He says that her defiance is attractive, but that he has had enough of it. He says that he wants to go to Earth with the full power of the Troyjan behind him and take her for his mate. His father says, “I have long opposed this, Trow-Mah, entitlement or no. You know that do you not?” Trauma says that he does, but that he asks it nevertheless. Trauma’s father kicks him in the face. He says that he is his son and that he can deny him nothing. He says that he has his permission, but that if he has to do this to try and not “make a muddle” of it.

Samson hurls his notebook through the Hulk’s hologram. Samson says that he can’t keep showing up to their sessions as a hologram. He asks how they can address the problem if he isn’t even really there. Bruce says that his only problem is that he is needed at the Mount, and that this is just a time saving device. Samson says that he is interested in saving Bruce Banner, and not time. Samson tells Bruce to describe himself as a bottom line. Bruce says, “A man of science. Rational, analytic.” Samson asks how Bruce dealt with the Trans-Sabal business. Bruce asks how he knew about that. Samson tells him to answer. Bruce says that they were fighting against a cruel dictator. Samson asks if he considered opening up a dialogue to try and convince him of the error of his ways, or did he go straight to war. Bruce says that they went to war, but that there was no reasoning with him. Samson asks what about the U-Foes and the Leader. He says that Rick told him about them. He says that he begged him to leave the Leader alone. Samson asks what Bruce did. Bruce says that Rick talks too much. He says that he did fight them, but that they attacked him. Samson asks about the Avengers. He says that he checked with them and they said he fought them in South America. Bruce says that he was mind-controlled. Samson asks who was controlling him when he attacked Captain America. Bruce says no one. Samson asks what Bruce did when he tried to interfere. Bruce says that he hit him. Samson asks about Piecemeal. Bruce says that he hit him. Samson asks about Bi-Beast. Bruce says that he hit him. Samson asks about the Fort Cheer breakout. Bruce says that he hit a lot of people. He asks if ‘Hit Parade’ is still on the air and that he could be a guest. Samson puts his head in his hand and says, “Gevalt. He’s making jokes. Doesn’t it seem odd, ‘rational’ man, that you’re resolving everything with force? Fighting is the last resort of the incompetent, not the first resort of the intellectual. Bruce Banner knows that, and should be looking for an alternative to violence. But you…! You wade in and start slugging. What’s more, you get off on it. You were smirking about your ‘conquests’ just now. That’s not the way of the rational man. That’s the way of the rampaging Hulk. Bruce, you’re in danger of  losing everything… including yourself. In the name of God, is that what you want?” Hulk looks at Samson stunned. He quickly recovers. He says that it is an interesting theory, but that he is wrong. He says that he has to go. Samson says, “They say if the universe were shrinking at a steady rate, and all units of measurement were shrinking proportionately, then we’d never know. You universe IS shrinking, Bruce, and it seems okay to you because you’re inside it. But the rest of us out here want to help you, before it’s too late. Bruce disappears. Rick pokes his head in the door and asks if Bruce left already. Samson tells Rick that they have to talk right now.

At the Mount, “Wolverine” leaps at Hulk. Atalanta says that Banner can’t be serious. Hulk shoots Wolverine and says that he is dead serious and that he wants her to separate from Achilles for a while. Atalanta shoots her plasma energy at a representation of Silver Surfer. Both Hulk and Atalanta are wearing virtual reality helmets for the simulation. Bruce says that every time Ajax sees the two of them together that he stomps around breaking equipment and scaring people. He says that it has to stop. Atalanta says to talk to Ajax about it. Bruce says that he can’t make him understand, but that he can make her understand. Atalanta tells him not to bet on it as she shoots a virtual Hawkeye. One of the virtual creations shouts, “Doomsd…. Urkh!” Hulk punches it and tells it to be quiet. Bruce says that he appreciates that she and Achilles were discreet for as long as they were, but that it isn’t working anymore. He says that if she wants that he can reassign her and Achilles to another facility. Atalanta says that the Mount is her home. She says that she grew up there and that he can’t throw her out. She says that he is a newcomer. Bruce says that what he is, is her boss, and that he has to do what is best for all concerned. Atalanta says that he can’t order her to stay away from Achilles. Hulk punches a Thing over Atalanta’s head. He takes off his helmet and says that what he is doing is ordering her to make a decision. He says that the decision is up to her. As Bruce starts walking away, Atalanta says that she thought she was starting to get a handle on him, and even beginning to like him a little bit… especially after he saved her butt from Trauma, but then he pulls something like this and that she doesn’t understand him at all. Bruce says, “Yeah, well… that makes two of us.”

Marlo and Betty are putting wedding invitations in envelopes. Marlo asks Betty if Rick seems preoccupied lately. She says that it could be pre-wedding jitters. Betty says that she thinks that Rick is convinced that his superhero pals are cold-shouldering him for a reason. She tells Marlo not to worry about it and that he will get over it. She says that he has dealt with cosmic loons and that he can handle getting married. Betty says that she has been avoiding bringing this up, but she was wondering where they are going to live. Marlo says that they figure Rick’s place since it is bigger and since she has less stuff to move. Marlo says that Rick is like a packrat and that some day he’ll need a huge place just for his souvenirs. Marlo says that Betty will have this place all to herself. Betty says that she can’t afford the rent solo, and that she will miss having someone to talk to. Marlo mentions to Betty that she does have a husband… one that would be happy to be with her. She says that Betty has to make a decision about him. Betty says that she knows and that she thinks she is about to. She says that they should get back to the invitations.

Ulysses knocks on Bruce’s door and asks if he wanted to see him. Bruce says that he did. Ulysses asks why. Bruce says that is self absorbed, thinks with his glands, and that if he never led another mission that he would be a happy camper. Bruce says that he also thinks that he is the only person in this “loony bin” that he thinks he can trust. Ulysses says to stop and that he is embarrassing him. Bruce says that he thinks they have a leak. He says that there is no way that SHIELD should have known about the prison break, and that if they have a leak that he wants it plugged fast. Ulysses says that he bets it is Paris, and that whenever anything goes wrong that it is usually his doing. Bruce tells Walter that he doesn’t care about his grudges and that he wants him to go in without preconceptions . He says that it might be Paris. Bruce asks Ulysses how Susan is settling into their Tokyo facility. Ulysses says that she is great. He says that she is ten pounds heavier and her hair is growing in. Bruce says that is superb and to keep him updated. Ulysses asks what was with Atalanta and that she stormed off. Bruce says that it was personal and that she will be back. He asks if there is anything else. Ulysses says not to call him Walter. He says that was a long time ago and to never call him that. Bruce gets real close to Ulysses’ face and says, “Walter. Walter. Walter.” Suddenly Bruce and Ulysses hear a scream. The go over to see a tall thin attractive woman with long blue hair down to her shins holding Hector up in the air hugging him. He tells her to knock it off. Cassie says that he knows that she is crazy about him, and that it is so great to see him. She says, “You and me, Hec. Right here. Right now. You know it’s inevitable!” Hector says that it will never happen. He says that she knows why, but that he just refuses to believe it. Cassie says that a real woman could straighten him out. Hector starts to say,  “I don’t like real women! I like…” Ulysses interrupts, “Inflatable women”. Bruce asks who this is. Cassie drops Hector and introduces herself. She says that everyone calls her Cassie. Hector says that isn’t what they call her when she isn’t around. Bruce thanks her for coming. He introduces himself, but she says that she has been a fan of his since his first paper on particle physics. Bruce says that was years ago and asks if she read that. Cassie says that it wasn’t bad. She says that it was a little passionless, but that she could see the talent. She says that they need to chat. She says that she will tell him about neutrinos and that he can tell her about her dad. Ulysses looks and Bruce and says that he warned him. Hector “thanks” Ulysses for the inflatable women comment.

A coyote stalks a roadrunner. Sitting on the edge of the trench that saved his life, Rick Jones sits playing the harmonica. He thinks about the conversation he had with Samson.

Rick tells Samson that Bruce trusts him and that they go back a long way. Samson says that Rick has to tell him where the Pantheon is headquartered. He says that he has been there. Rick repeats that it is because Bruce trusts him and that there is no way he would betray that trust. Samson says that he thinks he is getting through to Bruce, but that he can’t get anywhere unless they are face to face. He says that Bruce can’t keep disappearing on him when the going gets tough. Rick says that he isn’t ratting him out. Samson says that this isn’t grade school. He says that he is worried sick about Bruce, and that it haunts him at night. He says that he had a bizarre dream about he, Bruce, and Spider-Man that Rick wouldn’t believe. Rick says that he has his own problems without turning traitor. Samson says that the Avengers already think he has turned traitor. Rick asks what he is talking about. Samson says that he has connections and that people talk to him. He says that the Avengers know what the Hulk is up to. He says that is bad enough, but that they went ballistic when he sicced the Hulk on Captain America. He says that they don’t trust him anymore and that if they knew about Trans-Sabal that they would probably come after him. Rick asks if Samson is saying that he would tell them. Samson says that he is saying he will do what it takes to resolve this.

Atalanta stands next to Rick at the trench and compliments his harmonica playing. Rick says hello and asks what she is doing there. Atalanta says that this is where the Hulk started and that she thought if she came out there that she might understand him better somehow. She says that it was a stupid idea, but that since she is here that she might as well stay a while. She sits down next to Rick and says that he must have really been distracted if he didn’t hear the ship landing. Rick says that he has a lot on his mind. Rick asks Atalanta if she believes in doing what is right. Atalanta says that there is no “right”. She says that it is subjective, and that it is like being in space. She says that there is no up or down… just what is relative to you. She says that what is important is staying on target. Atalanta blasts the coyote as it pounces toward the roadrunner. She says that her problem is that she has so much anger in her that she just sees things and shoots them. She says that she is tired of the anger. She says that it is exhausting and that she is always looking for ways to get away from it. She says that her relationships with Ajax and Achilles isn’t about running toward them, but running away from herself. Rick says that Atalanta barely knows him and asks why she is telling him all this. Atalanta says that she is talking to herself, but that he just happened to be sitting there. The coyote gets up. He sees a shadow above him. He looks up and lets out a whimper as a giant ship lands on him hard. Rick and Atalanta are lifted into the air from the impact. Trauma stands behind them. He says, “Atalanta, my dear… our engagement has gone on long enough. It’s time for you to come with me.” Atalanta says that this is swell and that it is Trauma. Rick asks if he is the guy that made the “Toxic Avenger” movies. Atalanta says that was Troma. Troyjan troops rush out of Trauma’s ship. Atalanta tells Rick to get out of there and that she will hold him off. She fires one of her plasma arrows. Trauma palms the arrow and says that not this time. Rick leaps and kicks in the air, but Trauma swats Rick away. He says that when it comes to defenders that this guy isn’t in the Hulk’s league. Trauma blasts at Rick, but Rick dodges. Atalanta hits Trauma in the back with an arrow and says that his fight is with her. A Troyjan troop grabs Atalanta from behind. Trauma tells him to secure her and to dispose of the idiot boy. A troop shouts out as the Hulk arrives. Trauma says that his timing is nauseating. Bruce says, “All right, Trauma! Now I’m going to… to… to try and work out some peaceful means of negotiation.” Trauma tells his troops to kill Hulk. Bruce thanks Samson. The troops open fire. Hulk knocks over two soldiers. He tells Rick that if he is going to stand there to paint a target on his chest. He tells him to get down in the shelter and pushes him in. Rick says, “Wow! Déjà vu all over again!” The Troyjan troops fire and fire on Hulk. The force of the blasts knocks Hulk over into the trench. Rick says that they killed him. Hulk says, “The devil… they did… just getting… my… my second… wind!!!” Hulk slams the trench wall and shatters the ground. Rick tells Bruce to save it and that they’ve gone. He asks Bruce how he knew. Hulk says, “Sensors detected inbound ships. Got here… fast as I could… They took Atalanta… I wasn’t strong enough to stop them. They think they can do that to me? TO ME? I’ll show them! They think this is just some business-as-usual raid! Well it isn’t! This is war! I’ll hunt them down and smash them! Smash them all!!” Rick stares with wide eyes at Hulk and says, “Oohhhhhh boy…”

No Excuses rating: 10 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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