Incredible Hulk vol. 2 #415

Title: “The Troyjan War, part III- Jammin”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Gray Frank

Inker: Cam Smith

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Ch’od, Raza, Hepzibah, and Corsair stare out the window of their space ship. Ch’od looks at a large green man in a suit lying on the windshield. He says that is something that you don’t see everyday. Corsair says that is the Hulk from Earth. He tells Ch’od to get him inside. Hepzibah says that the Hulk can rot, but Corsair says “no way” and tells her to keep her voice down. He says not to anger him. Raza says that he can’t hear them, but then Silver Surfer is outside the windshield holding the Hulk. He says that the Hulk cannot hear them, but that for one that can detect a meteorite whistling a thousand light years away that it is no problem.

Atalanta throws up as they come out of hyper speed. As she is crouching over, Trauma grabs her head from behind and knocks her unconscious with a blast. He says that she led him on a merry chase, but that he isn’t laughing.

Elsewhere in the ship, Hector, Cassie, and Ulysses continue fighting on. Hector asks how long she can keep her starbolts pumping. Cassie says long enough and to watch them go down. Ulysses asks what happened to Cassie the pacifist. Cassie says that the 60’s live on as a fashion statement, but that’s it. Ulysses says that is the most depressing thing he’s heard her say. Suddenly, Trauma appears holding Atalanta. He has a blade at Atalanta’s face and tells them to look at what their resistance has driven him to do. Trauma tells them to surrender. Cassie asks if he would really kill the one he loves. Trauma says that he loves her for her inner being, not her outer appearance. He says that he cares for that the least. He says that no healing ability will help her once he is through with her, and that with the good eye he leaves her that she will see a face that only a Troyjan could love. He tells her to surrender or Atalanta will pass as his twin. They drop their weapons.

Bruce wakes up and sees a large flying metallic bug hovering over him. He snatches it out of the air. Surfer tells Hulk to release him and that Sikorsky is a medical technician that he owes his life to. Bruce asks if the flying bug is a doctor. Corsair says that not all doctors can look normal like Dr. Banner. Bruce says, “All right, touché.” He asks who they are again. Surfer introduces the Starjammers. Bruce sees that Hepzibah is a bipedal skunk, but decides that since the introductions are being made by a guy that looks like an academy award that he guesses he shouldn’t say anything. Hulk asks how he got there. Corsair says that Shi’ar outposts indicated a lot of Troyjan activity and that since they share some borders that they were sent to investigate. He says that they detected a Troyjan jumphole. He says that they checked it out and found the two of them. Surfer says that they were separated in the backwash, but that he found him just in time. Bruce asks if they can take him to the Troyjan home world. Corsair says that they don’t exactly welcome company and that their frontier is densely guarded. Bruce says that he is fairly dense himself. Bruce says that his ship should be around somewhere. Corsair says that there is no sign of it, but that the backwash could have pulled them light years away from their original position. He says that they could have been blown out of space. Bruce says that Achilles is too stubborn to die with unfinished business.

On the Pantheon ship, Prometheus asks Achilles what the devil he thinks he was doing. He says that he left Banner to die and that when he tried to help that he knocked him unconscious. He asks if he has completely lost his mind. Achilles slams Prometheus against the wall by his neck. Achilles tells Prometheus to listen up. He says that Ulysses has a homing signal under his skin and that Prometheus’ presence isn’t mandatory. He says that they have taken care of their own long before the “gamma goon” shoved his nose in their affairs. He says that they don’t need him, and that if he can’t deal with that Achilles reminds him that he is invulnerable and that Prometheus is not. Achilles says that the crunch is coming down and that Prometheus would be wise to decide whose side he is going to be on.

A Troyjan presents Lord Armageddon with video. He says that he can see that his son, Trauma’s, accomplishments are quite flattering. He says that he has acquitted himself well and that his strategies were solid. Armageddon says that is excellent. He says that Trauma was never the brightest of lads, and that though he often “means well” that meaning well is not enough for a future ruler. He says that perhaps his romantic misadventures have some merit after all. Armageddon says to zoom in on the Earth creature. Armageddon looks closely at Hulk. He asks if all the Earth creatures are green now. He is told that they are not and Armageddon says that is good since it is a ghastly color scheme. Armageddon asks when his son arrives. He is told that it will be within the hour. The Troyjan advisor says that word has just come from the frontier that the Starjammers are running the blockade. Armageddon says that they are not a threat. He says that the Silver Surfer is with them. Armageddon says that is interesting. He places his hand inside a hole and it comes out with a blasting weapon on it. He says that there is little that can stop the Silver Surfer if he has resolved to go somewhere. He says that if they are to have guests that they are obliged to prepare a proper welcome.

As the Starjammers fly through the blockade, Hulk asks Corsair if they always have this many ships trying to blast them. Corsair says that it has been known to happen once or twice. He says that if Bruce doesn’t like it that he can get out and walk. Hulk tells him not to tempt him. Hepzibah spots a Troyjan interceptor, but Silver Surfer spots it too and blasts it out of the sky. Surfer is hit in the back with a large blast. He says that attacking him from behind was uncalled for. He asks where the Troyjan sense of justice is in such an attack and says that he dislikes such hypocrisies. Surfer blasts the large cannon into pieces and Hulk says that he is glad that Surfer is on their side. Bruce sees an enormous floating city. Raza says that is a Troyjan starport, and that it is the official entry to Troyjan territory. Corsair says that everyone engaged in lawful trade with the Troyjans passes through the starport, but that they aren’t exactly being lawful. Corsair is contacted by the Lord High Vittio. He tells them to land and submit to arrest immediately. Bruce says that is perfect and to land the bucket. Corsair asks if they are going to submit to arrest. Bruce says that he didn’t exactly say that. Corsair says that he is starting to like the way Bruce thinks.

Rick stands in the shower. He says that this stinks. He says that Bruce is off in space having some incredible adventure and that he is stuck there on Earth. He wonders if this if marriage means being stuck. A staff taps on Rick’s door. Rick figures that it is probably Marlo and wonders if he really wants to keep arguing with her. He decides that maybe she won’t give him too much grief if he is only wearing a towel. Rick answers the door. An old man and a young woman with a red Mohawk stand outside. The old man sees Rick and says that it is him. Rick says that the circus is in town. He says that this is a bad day. He says that he had a fight with his girl, some aliens tried to kill him, the Avengers think that he is a traitor, and that they just yanked him out of the shower. He says that whatever they are selling to peddle it elsewhere. The woman kicks in Rick’s door and breaks the lock. Rick tells her to fork over the two dollars for that chain. The woman says that Rick has to listen and that they have a message. Rick says that the only message being delivered is that they have five seconds to get out of his apartment. Rick counts, “One, two… five.” He kicks the old man. Two kids outside wonder if they should call the cops, but one of them says that they would just stop it.

The Troyjans shout to stop them. Bruce says that is easier screamed than done. He asks Ch’od if he is still there. Ch’od says that Hulk makes it hard to keep up, but that he is trying his best. Raza shouts for Corsair to get down and hurls his sword into a Troyjan’s chest. Troyjans start to surround Raza, but Hulk approaches them. Hepzibah is surrounded by Troyjans. He says that they have her trapped, but that she will make a final accounting of herself. She asks who will die first at Hepzibah’s last stand. Surfer stands behind Hepzibah with his eyes glowing. The Tryojans run and Hepzibah says that she is more formidable than she thought. A tiny figure appears. He shouts that he is Lord High Vittio and that he commands that this stop. He says that they are all under arrest. He says that if they think that they can act like this on his station that they have another think coming. Hulk sees the tiny figure and says that he has to be kidding. Vittio tells Hulk to address him with respect or shut up. Bruce says that with all respect that they are pursuing Trauma and that he has kidnapped. Vittio cuts Bruce off and says that Trauma is the son of the ruler Armageddon and that he can do as he wishes. He tells them to complain to Armageddon. He says that Trauma is not his problem, but that they have committed capital offenses and that judgments must be rendered. Raza is about to advance on Vittio, but Bruce tells him to hold it. He asks who renders the judgments. Vittio says that capital offenses are judged by their ruler. Bruce asks if he means Armageddon the guy they want to find anyway. Vittio says that is correct. Bruce says that they can either keep fighting their way through the heart of Troyjan territory, or they can be “arrested” and let “Yoda” escort them to Armageddon. Bruce asks if that is right. Vittio says that he doesn’t know “Yoda”, but that is correct. Raza says that he thinks they should fight. The Tryojans cock their weapons and he says, “Or not.”

Trauma walks with a bound Atalanta, Ulysses, Hector, and Cassie. He tells Atalanta that she doesn’t have to be chained. Atalanta says that if her family is to be bound that she will remain that way too. Trauma asks her to understand that she is being given a great honor. He says that their union is not only a compliment to her worthiness, but that she is also part of an agreement going back centuries of Earth time. Atalanta says that she doesn’t know what he is talking about. Armageddon stands before them and says that he will be happy to explain it to them. Armageddon looks at Atalanta and says that he admits that by Earth standards that she is a handsome woman. He says that she will be acceptable payment for the tithe. Ulysses asks what he is talking about. Armageddon says that it is for services rendered by his ancestors to Agamemnon. He says that Agamemnon must have explained the reasons for his long life. Atalanta says that his father was a god, but that he never knew which one. Armageddon laughs. He says that is so naïve. He says that Troyjan science have him the long life he craved, and that in return they can reclaim any of his descendants for whatever use they desire. He tells Atalanta that she is bound by an ages old agreement, and that she will abide by it or he will revoke it. He says that the extended lives of every Pantheon member, here and on Earth, will be forfeit.

No Excuses rating: 9 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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