Incredible Hulk vol. 3 #6Incredible Hulk vol. 3 #6
Title: “New Lives For Old”
Writer: John Byrne
Penciller: Ron Garney
Inker: Dan Green
Colors: Steve Buccellato
Editor: Tom Brevoort
Man-Thing stands in the swamp looking vacantly. Suddenly the Hulk lands in the swamp right next to Man-Thing. Hulk, sounding like Bruce Banner recalls how he just learned that Tyrannus was trying to control him. Hulk sits down in the swamp and falls asleep. As he sleeps Hulk turns into Bruce Banner. Man-Thing just stands there like a walking potato. Man-Thing startles as he hears people coming. Man-Thing camouflages himself in the swamp before they appear. The people recognize the man as Bruce Banner since they think they just saw the Hulk leaping. They decide to carry Bruce as, “She will want to see him.” As cauliflower brain stands there he thinks back on his own origin into the lamest character in the history of the Marvel universe. Man-Thing decides to follow the others.
Later Bruce Banner wakes up with a startle. Bruce sees Betty standing before him. Bruce is in shock since Betty is dead, but she tells him to calm down and that all will be explained to him soon.
Bruce is taken to see Owen Candler. Bruce says that he recognizes the name, but that the Owen Candler he knows was a very old man when he read about him as a freshman in college. Bruce starts to think of how old Candler would be now, but Candler interrupts and says that he would be dead now, as would all of those here, if not for a miracle. Bruce says that he isn’t big on miracles and asks for a more detailed explanation. Candler says that he will, but that the hour is late and Bruce still needs to rest.
Betty walks Bruce to his hut. Bruce asks Betty what the deal with Candler is, but Betty says that she can’t answer, as that would be a betrayal to Owen. Bruce gets to his hut and asks Betty if she isn’t coming in. Betty says that they all have their own huts and that she has to go to hers. She says that this is hard on her too and asks him to get some sleep.
Bruce can’t sleep and so he heads out for a walk. He walks past the location where a family of deer were lying down, but instead of finding deer all he finds is a pile of strange moss. Bruce looks around and sees that the moss seems to be everywhere. He doesn’t remember seeing it at all before. His senses are telling Bruce that something is wrong. He looks into the huts and finds that every place there should be a sleeping human there is instead a pile of moss. Bruce runs to Betty’s hut and finds that she too is moss. Bruce’s pulse starts to race, but instead of changing into the Hulk Bruce passes out.
Back in Tyrannus’ cavern the subterraneans have taped up Tyrannus’ rubs. He shouts that he wants to know where the Hulk is. The commander says that there have been no traces of him. Tyrannus blasts the commander with his staff killing him. Tyrannus asks how they can lose the Hulk since he causes earthquakes as he walks. Tyrannus starts raving that he had the power of the Hulk for his own. He says that Hulk escaping was a fluke. Tyrannus calls for the commander, but another subterranean reminds Tyrannus that he just killed him. Tyrannus makes that subterranean the new commander but says that he will suffer the same fate if he doesn’t find him the Hulk.
The next morning Candler says, to a bound Bruce Banner, that he had hoped Banner wouldn’t discover their secret so soon. He assures Bruce that he has nothing to worry about and that they are all friends still. Bruce says that if Candler ties up his friends that he would rather be enemies. Candler says that to be against him is to be against all life there. Bruce asks what Candler has done to his wife. Betty says that he has done nothing to her. Bruce starts saying that he doesn’t know how Candler did it, but that all the people there aren’t real, but vegetable duplicates. Betty is confused, but Candler asks Betty and the others to wait outside and to forget what Bruce just said. Once outside Candler hits Bruce and says that he had hoped Banner would understand, but that he sees Bruce is like all the other “meat” out there. Candler says that his people are in harmony with everything, and that it is the spores and pollen from his salvation seed that prevents Bruce from becoming the Hulk. Bruce and Candler argue whether it is better to be “meat” or vegetables (like anyone cares). Candler says that he read about Betty in the news and recreated her from his link with the salvation seed.
Outside with the others again, Candler tells Bruce about his lifelong work with plants, and how the strain of his work caused the heart attack that killed him. His special genetic matrix restored him to life. Bruce shouts that they aren’t human, but just duplicates. Betty asks again what Bruce is talking about, but Candler says that it is just the ravings of a man driven mad. They ask if there is any way to help him. Candler says that they must throw him into the part that must be fed so that he can be remade like them. Candler chucks Bruce off a plank and towards the mouth of a giant flower.
No Excuses rating: 0 out of 10
Could this story be more boring? No. After shooting his mouth off that he could bring Betty back in two panels I think that Byrne may have written this issue just to torture those of us who opposed his taking over the book. That is unless he just really needed to get this story of some plant people out. The plot is advanced by the smallest of possible margins after enduring the first four issues which is the same story told from different perspectives, and then a recap of those issues for the fifth issue. This story is going nowhere and fast.
The art isn’t bad, but there is really nothing to look at in the issue. Hulk is in a total of seven panels and all he does is go to sleep. The rest of the issue is an old man talking about his plants.
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