Incredible Hulk annual #17

Title: “Vicious Cycle”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: John Romita Sr.

Inker: Fred Fredericks

Colors: Mike Thomas

Editor: Bobbie Chase

A young boy asks his father for a story before he goes to bed. His father tells Jeffrey to cut him some slack. He says that he has had a hard day, and that now he is reading the news. Jeffrey says that he read the news yesterday. Jeffrey says that he wants to hear the monster story again. His father says that he has told that one so many times before. Jeffrey asks please and his father surrenders. He says that it happened years ago in New Mexico when he was just a corporal.

A special new weapon, called the Gamma Bomb, was being tested. Suddenly a crazy civilian scientist drove up in a jeep and shouted that he had to get out onto the testing range. He told the man that he couldn’t allow that and that the bomb’s test is scheduled to go off there. The man said that he knew that and that it was his bomb, but that there was a teenager sitting in the middle of the testing ground. The other guard told the scientist that it was impossible and that the base is secure. The man asks if he is saying that he isn’t there because he couldn’t be. He told him yes. The man thanked him for his input and then drove through the barricade in the jeep. The other guard was going to shoot him, but he stopped him because he knew that it was Doctor Banner. He shouted after Banner that he would be killed. Banner told him that his assistant was stopping the countdown. But his assistant didn’t stop the countdown and the gamma bomb went off.

Jeffrey asks his father what happened. His father asks him why he is asking him when he already knows what happened. Jeffrey says that he wants to hear him tell it.

There was a teenager named Rick Jones who had snuck out on the testing field on a dare. Banner got him to a shielded ditch, but Banner absorbed the radiation from the bomb before he could protect himself. They took Banner to the infirmary, and he thought that was the end of that, but that night the monster showed up. He was on his way with some other men to see General Ross when the infirmary wall exploded outward. A voice that sounded like a washing machine with rocks in it shouted, “Out!!” Their jeep smashed into the monster, but it was the jeep and not the monster that was destroyed. He fired his gun at the monster, but the monster grabbed him and lifted him into the air. He looked in the monster’s face and saw rage, pain, hurt, and maybe even fear. The monster put him down and walked away with the Jones kid following after him.

Jeffrey’s father says that later that night as part of a search party he shouted, “Fan out, men! We’ve got to find that… that Hulk!” He says that the name stuck. He says that he was transferred soon after and that he never saw the monster again. Jeffrey asks his father what made the Hulk that way. His father tells Jeffrey that he is tired and doesn’t want to talk about it. Jeffery asks what made him so angry and destroying things. He father tells him to go to bed and that he means it. Jeffrey says that he doesn’t want to. He asks what the monster was afraid of, where his hurting came from. He asks who could have made him hurt. Jeffrey’s father asks what is with him. He says that he told him that he had a rough day, he told him that he was tired, but that he just keeps yammering at him. He raises his hand to Jeffrey and asks how he is supposed to get through to him. Jeffrey starts to cry. His father tells him to stop it or he will beat his brains out. His father stops and hugs Jeffrey. He says that he is sorry. He says that he is sorry. He is tired, but that it’s no excuse. Jeffrey says that it is his fault. Jeffrey’s father says that they can drop it and asks if Jeffrey wants to watch some TV. Jeffrey says that it sounds great and that no harm was done.

No Excuses rating: 6 out of 10

Eh, surely the point here is made, but the story feels and is rushed along. It’s nice to see John Romita Sr. working again, but I can’t help but feel it would have had a little more nostalgic if it had been on Spider-Man. The style of this story doesn’t really fit his style.

Title: “Old as the Hills”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Ron Wagner

Inker: Mike Witherby

Colors: Glynis Oliver

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Based on an original concept by Paul Ryan

Tyrannus smashes a mirror. He says that this can’t be happening to him. He says that the hordes of Brutus are blocking him from the Fountain of Youth. He says that he won’t be able to maintain his immortality. He says that the ravages of separation are already evident. Mole Man says, “I grow old… I grow old… I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled…” Tyrannus says that he needs help not poetic quotes. Tyrannus says that the Avengers are captured and helpless. He says that Mole Man’s subterraneans are useless. He asks Mole man what he will do. Mole Man says that he will most likely die. Tyrannus grabs Mole Man and says that he doesn’t accept that. He says that Tyrannus was not meant for dust. Tyrannus says that he is his ally and that he must help him get to that fountain. Mole Man jabs Tyrannus in the stomach with his staff. He says that his forces have been halved, and that the destruction of Brutus has been devastating. Tyrannus says that he can’t let this happen. Mole Man says that they are recovering and that to attack Brutus now would be the height of insanity. Tyrannus says that he can feel his body dying cell by cell. He asks Mole Man how he deals with it. Mole Man says that he is short, ugly, and blind. He says that this existence is bereft of pleasure. He says that living holds more terror for him that dying. He says that death, like himself, is only a little thing. Tyrannus says that he doesn’t know what to do. Mole Man asks him what he did in the past when he had a crisis. Tyrannus says that he would kidnap someone and make them, or someone close to them, do his bidding. Mole Man asks who can handle the hordes of Brutus. Tyrannus says that the Hulk could. Mole Man says that he thought he might say that. Tyrannus asks where he is. He says that there was a girl Betty that he seemed to care for. Mole Man says that he doesn’t know about her, but that his associate Rick Jones has been in the news a lot and reports put him in Reno.

Betty is taking Marlo’s aerobic class. Marlo finishes up and tells the ladies that they did great. Betty tells Marlo that she was right and that she is out of shape. Marlo says that they will whip her back into shape in no time. She says that they will flatten her stomach and tighten her butt. Betty looks and asks what is wrong with her butt.

In the steam room, Betty asks again what is wrong with her butt. Marlo says that it is nothing that some solid work won’t fix. She asks if she doesn’t want to keep looking good. She says that none of them are getting younger. She says that it only takes a slight lapse in concentration and that gravity catches up with you and you can kiss your youthful firmness goodbye. Marlo says that if she starts to sag that she will fall over. She says that it isn’t that bad for men. She says that they can get heavy and bald and that they look “distinguished”. She says that women just look old. Betty says that she never thought of it that way and remarks at the things woman have to do to stay looking young.

Marlo tells “shorty” to move it and that Rick is meeting them at the beauty parlor at five. Marlo’s new employer asks her how her new job with them is “working out”. Marlo says that it is fine. She introduces Betty to Mr. Sweeney. Mr. Sweeney says that he is the owner and operator of Reno Sweeney’s Exercise Emporium. Betty says that she is Marlo’s roommate. Mr. Sweeney says that the two of them in one room is a stunning prospect. Betty asks how such a polished gentleman wound up running a gm club in Reno. Mr. Sweeney says that he used to be an intergalactic bounty hunter, but that he saved up his money and opened this place. Marlo says that the British are such kidders. Mr. Sweeney says, “Yes, aren’t we, though. Well, must run.” After he leaves, Betty says, “Intergalactic bounty hunter”? Marlo says for Scotty to beam her up.

“Hulk” hits “Dr. Doom” in the face. He tells “puny Metal Face” that no one makes him look stupid… not him… and not Betty… no one. Rick asks Hulk what he is doing. Hulk says that it is aggression therapy. He says that Rick had these toys and their accessories sitting out. He says that he usually works his frustrations out on cities, and that this seemed more socially acceptable. Rick shows Hulk the cool Captain America shield launcher. Hulk holds up his figure and says that he got a rock. Rick says that Surfer comes with a cool rolling surfboard. Hulk says that he got a rock. Rick says that Punisher has all these machine guns. Hulk says that he got a rock.  Rick tells Hulk to forget it. He says that he is meeting Marlo and Betty at five and tells him to come along. Hulk says that Betty has made her antipathy over his new situation quite clear. He says that he will stay there if that is okay. He says that Rick’s memorabilia brings back some pleasant memories and that they are hard to come by for him Rick says that he is welcome to stay, but that if he leaves to use the door. Rick closes the door. Hulk looks at the rock closely and says, “I got a rock.”

Rick walks by a sewer opening. A yellow hand tries to grab him but misses.

At the beauty parlor, Betty tells Marlo that she appreciates this and that she doesn’t get her first paycheck until next week. Marlo asks Betty if she is buying the make up to look good for Bruce. Betty says that she is buying it to look good for herself. Betty asks if Marlo watches her appearance for Rick. Marlo says that she does. Betty says that Marlo is the one that said she should live for herself. She asks if the same doesn’t apply to her. Marlo says, “heck no”. Marlo and Betty spot Rick in his red convertible. He says that he got it for a song and did the fix up himself. He says that they made them to last in the 50’s. The ground starts to shake. Marlo says that it is an earthquake. Rick says that his life isn’t that simple. Mole Man drills his way to the surface. He tells his subterraneans to get Jones. Jones tells Marlo and Betty to get in the car. Marlo asks who that is. Rick says that is the Mole Man. He says that he is like Danny DeVito, but with a bad attitude. As they try to drive away from Mole Man’s giant drill, Betty says that this is going to ruin their dinner reservations. Rick asks how she can worry about dinner reservations. Betty says that she skipped breakfast. Rick turns the wrong way down a one way street. Marlo says that this is a one way street. Rick says that he is only going one way and Betty tells him to get some new material. Mole Man’s drill comes up right in front of them. Rick has to break to stop from hitting it, and then a group of subterraneans grab Rick. Betty tells Marlo to hold onto Rick, and that she will get the wheel. She tells Rick not to quit. Rick says that there is no chance. He asks if Cap would quit. He asks if Mar-Vell would quit. He asks if the Hulk would quit. Rick fights them all off and asks who wants more. A giant swarm knocks Rick to the ground. He says that he quits. Rick tells Marlo and Betty to get Bruce and that he is at his place. Mole Man hears “Betty” and remembers Tyrannus’ original idea for a captive. He says to grab the “plain looking one” Betty starts asking what he means and that he isn’t Tom Cruise. Mole Man says to leave the other and that she will get word to “Bruce”.

Hulk walks out of Rick’s building. He says that he doesn’t really appreciate Betty’s current attitude. He says that he loves her and has never said so much as a harsh word to her. He says that she acts as if she would rather play patty cake with Edward Scissorshands than be near him. He says that he is her husband and that he is feeling better than ever. He asks why she can’t see that. He says that it makes you wonder who your friends and enemies are. Hulk leaps into the air. Marlo runs around the corner and shouts out to Bruce. She shouts out that Betty and Rick need him. She sits down on the curb and wonders what to do now. A giant boom knocks Marlo off her seat. She thinks that maybe it is the Mole Man again. She sees Hulk and says that she didn’t think he heard her. Hulk says that he heard her, but that he isn’t exactly equipped with airbrakes. He asks what happened and what that was about the Mole Man.

In Brutus’ lair, Brutus asks why he should care that Tyrannus has sent Mole Man to the surface. Brutus’ man says that he seeks an ally to help him through the blockade to the Fountain of Youth. Brutus says that it is the desperate actions of a desperate man. He asks that with the Avengers his prisoners who he could get that would be a threat. Brutus’ man tells him that Mole Man has kidnapped the wife and partner of the Hulk. Brutus says that could be a problem. He says that he will see personally to the barricade and perhaps arrange a surprise or two. He says to have Gort sent to him as a bodyguard.

Mole Man tells Rick that as hard as it is to believe that they are on the side same of this one. Rick says that is hard to believe. Tyrannus says that it took long enough. Betty recognizes Betty and says that he kidnapped her years ago. Rick says that it is déjà vu all over again. Tyrannus tells them to be quiet and that they are merely pawns. Betty asks if she can be the queen or maybe the castle. Rick says that he wanted to be the castle. He says that he has been rooked. Mole Man says that is enough and asks Rick if he knows what they are doing beneath the surface. Rick asks if they are publishing underground comics. Tyrannus hits Rick. Rick says that he is off his Christmas card list. Tyrannus says to ignore them. He says that they have to get the Hulk down there. Mole Man says that he should be along directly and that he left a clue or two behind.

Hulk walks through the tunnels. He sees that they are starting to cross one another. He thinks about doubling back, but large signs point Hulk in the right direction. Hulk says that he will bite, and that if it is a trap that it will be their problem. One of the underground creatures sees Hulk.

The creature reports in that the Hulk is coming. Tyrannus asks Mole Man to go to him and tell him his terms. He says that he can’t stand the thought of being seen in his hideous aged condition. Mole Man says that Tyrannus is so vain, and asks why he should take the risk. Tyrannus says that he won’t do anything to him so long as he has Rick and Betty. He begs Mole Man.

Mole Man walks up to Hulk and says hello. He says that he understands that they can expect a higher level of conversation from him these days. Hulk says that what he can expect is that he will bring this place down if he doesn’t release Rick and Betty. Mole Man says that he would be brining it down on their heads too. He says that they will let them go if he saves a man’s life. Hulk asks what he is talking about.

Rick asks Tyrannus if all this is just because he is cut off from the Fountain of Youth and that he is afraid of dying. Tyrannus says that of course he fears it and asks if they don’t. Betty says that she worries a little when nuts like him kidnap her, but that she doesn’t think about it much otherwise. Tyrannus asks how she can’t. He says that he has lived for centuries and that the prospect of dying fills his every waking moment. He says that they live for only decades and asks how it cannot concern them. Betty says that maybe their lives are so short that they worry more about the living and less on the length. Tyrannus asks if she doesn’t think about her skin wrinkling, hair turning white, head balding, teeth rotting, and gums blackening. He says that they haven’t seen what being without the fountain has done to him. He says to look with horror at the face of Tyrannus. Tyrannus pulls back his hood… looking very much like Tyrannus.

Brutus says that the perimeter is secure, but to be cautious because Tyrannus wants the youth source. Hulk sees Brutus and says that he is one butt ugly petty dictator. Hulk says that his perimeter has been breached, and that unless he wants his head to be next that he will back off. A giant headed, giant mouthed creature stands behind Hulk. Mole Man tries to warn Hulk. Brutus tells Gort that is his next meal. Gort tackles Hulk. Hulk kicks Gort off. He breaks off a stalactite, but Gort just eats it. Hulk says that he didn’t think that would work.

Rick and Betty look at Tyrannus, They look at one another. Rick turns to Tyrannus and says to excuse them for a moment. They whisper to one another for a moment. Rick says that they might be a little dense, but that they think he looks fine. Tyrannus asks if they are blind. He says that he has crow’s feet and a gray hair at his temple. Betty asks if he is aging excessively quickly. Tyrannus says that he has drunk enough of the Fountain so that at this point he would just age normally, but that the point is that he is aging. He says that in fifty years or so that he will die. He says that he can see it in his face. Rick says that Tyrannus is losing it. Betty says that she thinks that she can help.

Hulk hits Gort, but Gort gets Hulk’s entire right arm in his mouth. Brutus tells Gort that is it and that this will be a day to dismember. Blood pours out of Hulk’s arm. He says that this is a day for the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. Hulk grabs one of Gort’s teeth and breaks it off. Gort lets Hulk go and grabs his face in pain. Hulk says that was enjoyable, but that he doesn’t want to lose sight of his goal. Hulk charges through the Deviants. He smacks Brutus away. Hulk dunks the canteen into the water. He says that now that he has what he came for that he sees no need to waste anymore time with them. As Hulk claps his hands together, Mole Man shouts for him not to. Brutus and the Deviants run as a cave in buries the Fountain of Youth. Mole Man says that he was trying to warn him that might happen. Hulk says that it seems like he should have warned him a little sooner.

Tyrannus looks in Betty’s make up mirror. He says that she is right and that you can’t even see the wrinkles. Tyrannus thanks Betty. Rick asks Betty why she is doing this. Betty says that she isn’t thrilled that he kidnapped them, but that he didn’t do it for greed or power. She says that he is just afraid of losing his looks and getting old. Betty says that this is a motivation that a woman can understand. She says that it is almost a relief. Hulk and Mole Man return. Mole Man says that he wanted to deliver it himself and that you don’t lightly dismiss a demand from the Hulk. Mole Man looks at Tyrannus and says that he thought he was aging. Tyrannus says to never mind that. He asks if the fountain is liberated. Hulk says that it is buried and that what is in the canteen is the last of it. Hulk tells Tyrannus to release them. Tyrannus says that they are free to go. He takes Betty’s hand and kisses it. He thanks her for understanding. Tyrannus turns to Hulk and tells him to give it to him. Hulk opens the canteen and pours the water all over the ground. Tyrannus drops to the ground. Betty tells Tyrannus to let it go. She tells him to be a person again and not a slave to being afraid. She tells him to let his life run its course. Tyrannus pauses. Then he starts lapping the water off the ground. Hulk laughs and Mole Man tells the subterraneans to take them back to the surface.

As they walk away, Betty tells Bruce that is the single most heartless thing she has ever seen. She says that he made him crawl around like an animal. Hulk says that he is an animal. He says that he kidnapped them and that seems a little more heartless than what he did. Betty says that she expects more from him. Hulk says that all things considered that he let him off lightly. He asks why she doesn’t take any pleasure in humiliating him and getting back at him. Betty says that the question isn’t why doesn’t she, but why he does. They walk along in silence.

Mole Man says that was quite an appalling display. Tyrannus tells Mole Man to say what he wishes, but that he can feel immortality racing through his veins again. Tyrannus clutches his throat. He says that Brutus poisoned the fount and collapses.

Brutus laughs.

No Excuses rating: 6.5 out of 10

The story itself doesn’t do too much for me, but then this seems like another forced involvement storyline. It doesn’t do anything against the storyline, but it doesn’t do much for it either. Betty is disgusted with Bruce, but that’s it. The thing that I absolutely love is Hulk’s dismay over getting a rock. It mirrors the Hulk’s disgust with his getting the short end of the stick, but it also highlights the poor treatment I feel the Hulk gets in the main stream focus. “I got a rock” comes from “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!” where Charlie Brown, perpetual loser, goes trick or treating and gets nothing but a rock from every house he visits. Sometimes it feels like Hulk gets the rock when it comes to respect in the Marvel Universe and certainly in marketing.

Title: “Hero Worship”

Writer: Eric Fein

Penciller: John Statema

Inkers: Jeff Albrecht & Ralph Cabrera

Colors: Mike Thomas

Editor: Bobbie Chase

In a hotel in a small town in New Mexico, Rick Jones is a guest speaker while promoting his book Sidekick. James asks Brenda if this isn’t so cool that they are going to meet Rick Jones. Brenda tells him to calm down and that it isn’t like he is movie star or something. One man asks Rick who the Teen Brigade was. Rick says that they were just a bunch of kids who used ham radios to alert heroes like the Avengers to disasters in the making. He says that he hooked up with them just after the Hulk came into being. Everyone seems to be love Rick except one man.

Later Rick is signing autographs. The one angry man walks out. James gets to the front of the line. James stammers a bit. Rick tells him to calm down and that he will sign the book. Brenda says not to mind him and that he is just tongue tied. Rick signs their books and says that he is done for the day. He waves goodbye and walks out. Brenda says that she has to admit that this was fun. James says that he made a fool of himself. He says that he has to go talk to Rick and tell him how neat he thinks he is. Brenda tells him not to and that she thought Rick looked like he had enough of fandom for the day.

Rick walks outside and puts his earphones in. James calls out to Rick, but he can’t hear because of the music in his earphones. James sees a truck speeding right at Rick. He runs and shoves Rick out of the way just as the truck passes by. Rick says that guy tried to run him down. Rick and Brenda help James up. Rick thanks James for saving his life. James says that he guesses that even a sidekick needs a sidekick. Brenda nudges James and says that he promised to help her study for the trig test. James says that he just wanted to tell Rick that he thinks he is the best. Rick says that he has a little time and asks if they want to get a soda and shoot the breeze. He says that it is the least he can do for a guy that saved his life. James says that would be terrific.

At the Ice Cream parlor, James says that he can’t believe he is hanging out with his idol. Rick thinks to himself that he has been there for fifteen minutes and that the kid hasn’t stopped gushing over him. He thinks that he wishes his girlfriend would say something. James says that if Rick needs any help that he is his man. Rick thinks to himself that the kid is starting to worry him. He says that he reminds him of himself at that age, but that he seems just north of nuts. Rick says that he has to be going. Brenda says that it was nice meeting him. James tells Rick goodbye and to call him if he ever needs any help. James gets up. Brenda asks him where he thinks he is going. James says that he forgot to give Rick his number. She says that she doesn’t think he wants it. James says that sure he does and that he saved his life.

Outside the truck tries to run Rick down again. Rick dodges, but the truck comes around for another try. Rick leaps onto the truck. He smashes his way into the cab and hits the driver. The truck goes out of control and hits a car. The driver gets out and starts to run. Brenda grabs a paint can and knocks the man over. Rick asks the man who he is and why he is trying to kill him. The man says that he is to famous to remember his past. He says that he is Tom Smith and that he was one of his buddies from the Teen Brigade. He says that he has followed his career and that for every success Rick had that he had failure. He says that Rick got to see the world, but that he never got past Las Vegas. He says that he had to drop out of school and support his family when his dad died. He says that the book was the last straw and that he hates him. Rick says that he is sorry his life is screwed up, but that he isn’t the one responsible, and that now he has made it even worse. The police arrive and arrest Tom.

Later outside the police precinct, Rick tells Brenda and James that the make a good team. He asks her where she learned to throw like that. Brenda says that she is the captain of the girls’ track and field team. Rick says that he better be going. James asks where they are going. Rick asks what he is talking about. James says that it is clear that Rick needs a partner. Rick says that James’ fixation with being his buddy isn’t normal. He says that if James doesn’t take a reality check that he is going to wind up like Tom. He tells James that he has a cool girlfriend, that he is smart, and that he has guts when it counts. James says that he has been acting a little strange. He says that he just wanted Rick to like him. Rick says that he does. He says that he isn’t a bad guy. James shakes his hand and wishes Rick luck with the book. Brenda says that she hopes he outsells Stephen King. Rick says thanks as he leaves.

No Excuses rating: 5 out of 10

Did this story really need to be told? I mean its fine, but who cares? The art is adequate, but awkward in spots.

Title: “Not to the Swift”

Writer: Gary Barnum

Penciller: John Stanisci

Inker: Tim Dzon

Colors: Mike Thomas

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Ringer tells Blacklash to step on it. He says that they are losing him. Blacklash says that they are doing 100mph now and asks how fast the kid is. The kid thinks to himself that maybe if he gets to the freeway he can lose them. He tries to run down an alley. Ringer’s ring bounces off a wall above his head. Blacklash says that Ringer missed, but Ringer says that Barrier should be in place. The kid hits what he thinks is brick wall, but is actually Barrier. Barrier says that they just want to talk to the kid. They say that the boss is looking for new talent. They say that they know about his tough family situation and his college dream. They say that they want to help him with a little job. The boss arrives.

Agamemnon tells Ulysses and Achilles that these villains are about to lead Luis down the wrong path. He says that he senses a purpose in Luis for good. He tells Ulysses and Achilles to handle it themselves. Ulysses says that he never shirks his duty. He asks what is so special about the kid. He says that he is fast and a good kid, but what makes him special. Agamemnon says that something is about to happen that will define Luis’s purpose.

Justin Hammer says that Luis made a good showing and that he deserves the costume he has for him if he wants to take his offer for employment. Luis says that he has school, and that he graduates this spring. He says that he quit track to keep up with his studies, but he may still get a scholarship. Hammer says that his mother could use some financial help with Luis’ brother and sister. He says that it is an offer he can’t refuse.

Ulysses says that it is so much for his fishing trip. He says that he doesn’t know if they are going to be able to change the kid’s mind. Achilles says that he is just glad to get away from the Hulk. He says not to sell the kid short.

At Edwards Air Force Base in California, Hammer tells “Thunderbolt” that this is a test they set up in advance with the proper authorities. He tells him to use his speed to get in and out undetected. He says that if he can bring him back the plans for the experimental aircraft that the test will be complete. Ulysses and Achilles show up and tell Luis not to do it. He says that he will be running behind bars. Hammer tells Luis to do his job or they will be paying a “visit” to his family. Hammer tells his goon to get them. Luis knows Hammer is a crook and reaches for the costume. Achilles punches Barrier. Ulysses slices Ringer. Thunderbolt starts to run, but one of Ringer’s rings trips him up. Blacklash reels back to whip him, but Thunderbolt hits him before he even sees him move. Ulysses says that was good, but says that Hammer got away. Luis asks if everyone knows who he is. Ulysses says that they won. Luis says that he lost a job, and that all he knows how to do is run. Ulysses says that at least he is back on the right track.

No Excuses rating: 0 out of 10

Review and picture by The Leader

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