Incredible Hulk annual #19

Title: “Dead Man’s Hand”

Writer: Peter David

Layouts: Dan Lawlis

Penciller: Kirk Jarvinen

Inker: Brad Vancata

Colors: Marie Javins

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Bruce is throwing darts. He has three in the bull’s eye. A little kid sits on his shoulder hitting him in the head with a spoon saying, “Not the mama! Not the mama!” Hulk tells a banged up Hector to make a note that the kids in the Mount aren’t allowed to watch that show anymore. He says that he is tired of being mistaken for Earl Sinclair. Hector says that he isn’t his secretary. He tells Bruce that is some nice tossing. Bruce says that he was a three time champion in his college days. He tells Hector to tell him what happened to him. Hector says that as Hulk knows that one of his jobs is to deal with the various outfits that they purchase raw supplies from. He says that one of their long standing providers is Hunter Technologies. He says that they buy hard to find machine parts from them and customize them for their own use. He says that he was supervising a delivery when they had a near fatality. He says that the forklift driver said the crate fell off by itself, and that a second later he was proven right. Several crates fly up into the air and then smash against the ground. The machine pieces start moving around and form into a giant monster. Hector says that he had his mace out, but the monster palmed it. The chain from his mace wraps around his neck and holds him up. The monster looked him in the face and told him not to deal with Hunter anymore. Hector asked who he was. The monster said that it was Lazarus, and then it was over. The machinery dropped to the ground. Hulk says that he will reassigned Atalanta to the oil spill problem and handle this one himself. He tells Hector to have communications patch him through to the head of Hunter Tech. Hector asks if he wants the transmission for Caucasian flesh tone. Hulk says right. He takes the kid off his head and says to take her back to child care.

Pretending to Mr. Bergen of McCarthy Industries, Hulk talks with Mr. Cameron of Hunter. Cameron says that he is sorry about the incident. He says that they should have been more forthcoming about the incidents. Hulk says that he was afraid of losing business and that he understands. He says that he appreciates that, but that ends when it concerns his people’s safety. He tells him to tell him what is happening. Mr. Cameron says that it started slowly. He says that trucks were losing controls and crates fell. He says that they thought they had their own poltergeist, but then the consistency made them suspect sabotage. He says this is like some super villain is out to get them. Hulk asks if they have any enemies. Mr. Cameron says that they have corporate rivals, but that is just business. He says that this is madness. Hulk says that he wants him to set up another delivery, and that they have a private airfield that they can use. Mr. Cameron says that they will handle everything with paper. He says that there will be no electronic trace. Hulk says that’s wrong. He says that he is betting that this Lazarus is keyed into their computers, and that he wants to make it easy for him to take his shot. Cameron says that he might suspect a trap. Hulk says that he is hoping he does. He says that he wants him to show just how powerful he is, make him overconfident. Cameron says that he seems to have the power to go with his confidence. Hulk says that is all right and that he has been fairly confident himself.

Ulysses drives the truck along. He is complaining about the fact that he had opening night ticket. He says that instead he gets to be a target and that no one is even attacking. Ulysses says that he needs a drink. Suddenly Lazarus appears. He stops the truck dead and lifts it into the air with some kind of telekinesis. The airbag goes off as Lazarus starts to squeeze the truck. He says that he issued a warning and that his superiors brought this on him. Ulysses is pinned inside the cab as the truck crushes smaller and smaller.

Hulk tries to contact Ulysses.

Ulysses can’t reach the button to respond. Ulysses activates his shield and then makes enough room to activate his sword. Ulysses cuts his way out of the truck. Lazarus recognizes the glowing weapons theme. He takes the sword from Ulysses with his power and turns it on him. Ulysses blocks with his shield. He leaps over the blade as it swipes at him. The sword hits his shield and knocks him to the ground. Ulysses thinks to himself that he doesn’t know if it will be worse getting sliced up by his own sword or knowing how smug Paris will be at his funeral. Just as the sword is about to stab Ulysses, Hulk grabs it. He says that when he didn’t hear from Ulysses that he figured he could use a hand. Ulysses says that he was just getting his second wind. Hulk says that he will handle this and that it shouldn’t take long. Hulk claps his hands and knocks Lazarus over. He leaps at him, but Lazarus uses his tk power and causes the Hulk to miss him and hit the ground. Hulk says that he might as well give up if that’s all he can do. Hulk looks up and sees a truck above him. The truck lands on Hulk. Ulysses tells Lazarus to face him. Lazarus just uses his tk power and sends Ulysses flying off into the air. Hulk tears through the truck and grabs Lazarus by the neck. Lazarus says that he is clearly the Hulk, and that the vocabulary threw him at first. Lazarus holds Hulk up with his power and says that he heard the Hulk was stupid. Hulk says that he heard wrong. Lazarus says that considering the imbecility of challenging him that he would say he heard right.

Ulysses struggles to his feet after the pain of the landing. He wonders where his sword is.

Hulk breaks through a hanger as he lands. Lazarus tells Hulk that his associate left this behind and tries to hit Hulk with Ulysses’s sword. Hulk says that he will have to be quicker than that. Lazarus says that sounds like a request. As he swings, Lazarus asks Hulk why he is mixed in this and that it is none of his affair. Hulk lifts and plane over his head and says that he says it is. He throws the plane. Lazarus says that it isn’t and then catches the plane with his tk power. He slams it into Hulk, and when Hulk gets up he uses his tk power to hold the sword to Hulk’s throat. He tells Hulk that he and his friend have survived because he has allowed them to. As he flies out he tells Hulk that if he crosses him again that he will not live to regret it. Lazarus stabs Hulk through the leg with Ulysses’ sword. Hulk deactivates the blade. He says that he is going to give him some regrets.

At night, Cameron walks into his office. He sees someone in his chair and says that he is going to call security. Lazarus turns around and tells him to go ahead. He tells Cameron that he was going to take him apart slowly, but that he has upped the stakes by calling in super powered mercenaries. Cameron says that he is crazy. Lazarus uses his power to lift Cameron off the floor by his tie. He says that since he has upped the stakes that he is going to have to… “up yours.” He says that the only thing that you can count on is death and taxes, but that he forgets that Cameron has so many tax shelters that he barely pays any taxes. Rosalind Hunter walks in for Cameron, but Lazarus greets her as “the grieving widow”. He says that he has been dealing with business affairs since her husband died. He asks if she was conducting affairs before he died. He says, “Tawdry little affairs….” Rosalind tells him to stop. She tells him to put him down and then says, “…T…Todd…?” Lazarus picks Rosalind up by the throat and says that she has him confused with someone who died… someone she killed. Hulk lands into the room. He leaps into Lazarus and says that he shouldn’t have screwed around with him. He says that this isn’t going to be pleasant. Lazarus uses a tk ram into Hulk., He tells Hulk to get back or he will…but Hulk cuts him off and says that he will do nothing. He says that his tk power isn’t as effective against living tissue. Hulk throws Lazarus out the hole he made leaping in. Hulk leaps out after him.

Hulk tells Lazarus that it is over. Lazarus blasts Hulk and says that it will be over… over his dead body. Hulk says that he can arrange that. As Hulk comes down, Lazarus blasts Cameron’s Porsche.

Rosalind tells Jack Cameron that they have to get out of there. She tells him that was Todd. She says that she knows Todd is dead, but that it is him and he knows. She says that they have to leave while they can. Jack says that he doesn’t know how he came back, or where he got his power, but that they can’t let him live knowing what he knows. Jack grabs a gun.

Lazarus says that he doesn’t know why Hulk ignored his warnings. As Lazarus tells Hulk that he will kill him, Hulk takes a spoon out of his back pocket and throws it into Lazarus’ helmet’s eye hole. Lazarus screams in pain. Hulk says that he told him that messing with him would bring him grief. He asks who ignored who. Hulk rams Lazarus and knocks him into the electrified fence. Lazarus gets off and Hulk hits him. Lazarus slides on the ground right in front of the building. Hulk asks Lazarus who he is and why he has it out for Hunter Technology. Lazarus says that if he really wants to know to ask Jack and Rose about the final days of Todd Hunter. Jack shoots Lazarus in the chest. He tells Hulk to get away and that he is dangerous. Hulk says that he is starting to wonder who is dangerous there. Jack shoots Hulk and the bullet bounces off. Hulk knocks the gun away and asks why he was so anxious to shut him up. Hulk says that Todd Hunter died when his mansion exploded. He asks Jack what he knows about that. Rosalind shouts out to leave him alone. She says that it was her fault, her idea. She says that she is sorry. She says that he was an invalid and that she hated him. Lazarus tells her to drop dead. Lazarus uses his tk power to lift the building up. Hulk leaps up to save her. Lazarus uses his tk power, picks up Jack’s gun, and shoots him in the face.

The building collapses. Hulk protected Rosalind. She says that it is all her fault. She asks about Jack and Hulk says that Jack looks dead. Hulk says that Lazarus isn’t getting away. He says that his wrist tracer has a lock on the tracking device he slapped on him when they first met. The police are arriving. Hulk tells Rosalind to tell them everything. She says that she will. Hulk leaps away as the cops pull up.

Later in the cemetery, Hulk follows the tracer to Todd Hunter’s grave. Hulk takes the tracer off the headstone and crushes it.

No Excuses rating: 5 out of 10

Half-Life, Mercy, Speedfreek, Frost… Lazarus? Oh well they can’t all be winners. Everything about Lazarus gives me a headache. His design sucks, his powers… while lovely… seem to have nothing to do with him as a person or as his origin. Wait, what’s his origin? More forced crossover crapola. Hey everyone, why not design a villain for the annuals! That’d be great. Sigh. Oh well at least we’ve never had to put up with Lazarus rising again. Why would Todd Hunter know who the Hulk was and why would his vocabulary throw him? Why is Hulk afraid of the blade at his throat? So it starts to cut and he pulls it away and the healing power takes over. I can’t decide if I would have liked Lazarus if the art hadn’t been so lousy. At this point I hope I never know.

Title: “Still Dead”

Writer: Peter David

Penciller: Paul Pelletier

Inker: Tom Mandrake

Colors: Sabra Mossoff

Editor: Bobbie Chase

Hank Hunter stands before the destroyed Hunter mansion. Lazarus watches from the bushes. The dogs start growling. Lazarus telekinetically removes his glove. The dogs smell him and he pets them. He says that they forgot all about the dogs. He says that they are both scrounging for food. He says that he will come back in a bit and make it up to them. Hank drives off.

He realizes that he has to come up with another way to get the money. Hank looks to his left and sees Tommy in the car next to him. He looks in his rearview mirror and sees Simon. He wonders how they found him and speeds off.

Lazarus watches from the sky. He thinks that Hank’s weakness was money… not speeding. Suddenly, Hulk hits Lazarus from behind. He says that he was on the way to the Hunter mansion and just spotted him. Hulk drives Lazarus into the ground.

Hank races away.

Lazarus tosses the Tilt-A-Whirl at Hulk. He tells Hulk to step aside and that he has trouble to attend to. Hulk says that he has that right. Lazarus says that he doesn’t have the time. He raises Hulk up to the Ferris wheel and ruptures the support strut. He tells him to attend to that and leaves.

Hank’s pursuers force him to crash his car. They pull him out. Hank says swears that he will get the money. Simon says that he ran all the way across the country, then ran from them, and now he says he will get the money. Simon points his gun at Hank’s head and fires. Lazarus stops the bullet. He blows the gun up in Simon’s hand. He then levitates the cars above Hank’s creditors and drops them. 

Hulk asks if everyone is okay. One guy asks if he says that if he says he is does it mean he can’t sue later. Hulk leaps away. He finds one guy left that was chasing Hank. He says to take him to the police and that he will turn state’s evidence against his boss and put him in jail forever. He says not to let the guy in the mask get him.

Hank asks Lazarus if he is one of those rich super heroes. He is about to ask for a loan, but Lazarus smacks him and tells him to get a job and grow up.

No Excuses rating: 5 out of 10

Lazarus! The villain so lame we had to see him twice in the same issue and then never again. Paul Pelletier, whose talent develops into a much better style does adequately on this portion. 3 out of 5 for the art.

Title: “A Town Called Hulk”

Writer: Ron Fortier

Penciller: Paul Pelletier

Inker: Bob Cram Jr.

Colors: John Kalisz

In a town in Arizona, formerly called Dustpit, Mayor Buddy LaRue dedicates his idea of renaming the town “Hulk”. He says that tourists will descend on them, and that they will become famous overnight. The young sexy Mrs. LaRue says that her Buddy is smart. Suddenly Abomination shows up. He introduces himself and then tells the fools to get out of his way. Abomination grabs the mayor and asks where Hulk is. Buddy says that he isn’t really there and that it is just a gimmick.

A ship lands, Titania and Gargantua get out. Gargantua says, “No see Hulk. Me want to go home now.” Titania says that she is in charge and gives the orders. She says that if the Hulk is there that they will find him. She says that she told Absorbing Man that this wouldn’t take long. Abomination tosses the mayor over his shoulder. He says, “Man say Hulk not here. Man say all big joke. Titania says that she doesn’t think it is funny. She shouts to start searching and that she wants Hulk found.

Abomination grabs a truck and throws it into a building. He says, “This sure to make Hulk mad! Him come quick!”

Titania tells the stupid overweight moron of a sheriff to get out of her way. The sheriff and his men open fire. The bullets bounce off her. Titania knocks them out. She takes the sheriff’s car and throws it at the gas station. The pumps and car explodes.

Gargantua rips the top of a building off to look for Hulk, but smashes the thing to pieces when he doesn’t find him.

The people watch horrified.

Abomination has a building he is lifting. Titania tells him to put it down. She says that the Hulk isn’t there. Abomination asks how she knows. Titania tells him to look around. The entire town is destroyed. Titania says they can leave now. Abomination says that he wants to go find the Hulk.

As the villains leave, Buddy LaRueis happy that they are still alive. The rest of the town chases him for his part in getting the town destroyed. Buddy starts to run and says that he has important business in Alaska. Mrs. LaRue tells him to wait as he runs and says that she has never been to Alaska.

Hulk arrives and says that the town should be there, but that all there is, is desert and rubble. Hulk says that it must be a practical joke and asks who would name a town Hulk anyway.

No Excuses rating: 4 out of 10

Review and picture by The Leader

RETURN TO ISSUES PAGE

RETURN TO NO EXCUSES

RETURN TO LEADER'S LAIR