She-Hulk #3

Title: “Dead Certain”

Writer: Dan Slott

Penciller: Juan Bobillo

Inker: Marcelo Sosa

Colors: Chris Chuckry

Editor: Tom Brevoort

Weeks ago, at Hammer Aeronautics, an aircraft manufacturing plant, Bailey asks if they can do this another night. Angie says that tonight is their anniversary. Bailey asks since when they are married. Angie says that it is the anniversary of their first date. Bailey says that he is kind of busy. He tells Alpha Team to set up the nose section in the wind tunnel for some tests. Angie says that Bailey is always busy. She says that he cares more about his “stupid plane” than he does about her. Bailey says that the “stupid plane” is his life’s work. He says that it is going to change the face of air travel. Mr. Newton walks up to the two and asks when that will happen. He tells Bailey Briggs that every time he pushes back the delivery date that they lose millions of dollars in contracts. He says that the plane can take off, fly, and land. He tells him to sign off on it already. Bailey says that he can’t do that until “she” is perfect. Angie says “she” and says that now they know who the real love of his life is. She walks out and tells him to go back to playing with his prototype and that she is sure that the two of them will be very happy together.

Bailey leans on the nose of his plane inside the wind tunnel. A shadowy figure enters the control room. The figure says that Bailey is forever tweaking his piece of junk. The figure asks if he has any idea how much he has cost him. The figure says, “All the energy. The wasted time”.  The figure seals the testing area and disengages the safety protocols. Finally the figure activates the fan for reverse rotation at maximum speed. The figure says that it is a shame about the soundproof chamber and that he really wanted to tell him off. Bailey realizes what is happening and starts banging on the glass. He shouts that someone is in there. Bailey struggles, but in the end he is sucked into the fan.

Today at the Superhuman Law Offices of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg, & Holliway. Mr. Newton and his attorney are meeting with Holliway, Mallory Book, and Dr. Stephen Strange. Newton’s attorney says that due to the grisly nature of the murder that the prosecution is pushing for the death penalty. He says that right now that all evidence points to his client. Mallory says that is interesting, but asks what it has to with their area of expertise. She asks if he was possessed, mind-controlled, or replaced with a robot and/or space phantom. Newton says that he wasn’t. He says that he is innocent. Newton’s attorney says that a witness has recently come to light whose irrefutable testimony can clear Mr. Newton on all charges. Mallory asks what the problem is. Strange says that the courts won’t acknowledge his existence. He says that the witness is the ghost of Bailey Briggs. Suddenly Bailey Briggs appears in full military. Strange says that Bailey’s soul is in turmoil and will roam the plane unfettered until his earthly affairs are resolved. Bailey tells Mallory that he needs to testify and have his day in court. Bailey says that Strange said she could make it happen. Holliway leans over to Mallory and says that it sounds like another one for the record books. He asks if she wants it. Mallory says that she will take it on the condition that she gets the “new girl” on second chair. Holliway asks if she means Jen Walters. Mallory says she means She-Hulk.

Friday night, in the attic of the law library, Jen and Mallory sit together. Jen says that she doesn’t believe that Mallory asked for her on this one, and that she thought they got off on the wrong foot. She says that a ghost wanting to testify at his own trial is pretty cool. She starts to say that she already has a dozen ideas, but Mallory cuts her off and says that she is sure she does. She thinks of testimonies from beyond the grave such as taped confessions and suicide notes. She asks Jen to get a book from the second shelf from the top. Jen says that she doesn’t think that she can reach it and that Mallory is taller than her. Mallory says that Jen can be seven feet tall if she wants to. Jen says that she thought Mallory knew, and that she promised Holliway that she wouldn’t change into She-Hulk at the office. Mallory says that she cleared it with Holden, and that he said she can use her remarkable assets at her discretion. She says that they are the last ones there and that she won’t tell if Jen won’t. Jen says, “deal” and changes into She-Hulk. She-Hulk says that Mallory has no idea how good that feels. Mallory says that was impressive. She-Hulk grabs the book. She says that she doesn’t see what the big deal is. She says that as the She-Hulk that she is still Jennifer Walters and that she is still a lawyer. Mallory says that she agrees and that she thinks that Jen will be much more useful to her in this form. She says that she can reach things off shelves, to heavy lifting, and that her rolodex expands their superhuman contacts. She says that she needs Jen to get in contact with the Thing, and see if he can clear a time for him to come to court next week. She says that she knows how to make Briggs’ testimony hold up. She says that she will see Jen on Monday. She-Hulk is left standing there and crushes the book in her hand.

She-Hulk asks Thing if he can believe that and asks if he has any idea how that felt. Thing says that honestly he hasn’t the foggiest idea. Thing is holding pratically all of She-Hulk possessions. Jen says that is very funny. She says that they don’t have to do this all in one trip, and that he doesn’t have to help out in this trial if he doesn’t want to. She says that it bothers her that her firm might just be using her to get to her superhero friends. Thing says that friends help out and asks if Thursday is okay for him to come to the courthouse. He says that he should be back from the Negative Zone by then. Jen says that she wants to go to the Negative Zone and punch out Blastaar. She says that she never gets to have adventures anymore. Jen puts her goldfish in their bowl. Thing says to take it from a guy that recently “had his ticket punched” that life is an adventure. There is a knock at the door and Augustus Pugliese sticks his head in the door. He says that he is from across the hall and says to call him Pug. Jen asks if she hasn’t seen him from the office. Pug says that the firm owns the Excelsior and that lost of them live there. He says that Ditto and Awesome Andy live in 3F. Thing asks, “Awesome Andy?” Jen says that she will explain later. Pug says that this was one way to make sure that the “special” people could get a place to live. He asks if she needs any help unpacking or moving furniture. She-Hulk says that she doesn’t and that she is one of those “special” people. She says that she is super strong. Thing tells She-Hulk to go easy and that this guy is just trying to be a good neighbor. He says that he is going to go get the rest of the big stuff out of the truck. Thing asks Jen if she is going to play nice. Jen rolls her eyes and says “yeah”. He says, “And life is…?” Jen says, “A great big adventure.”

She-Hulk and Pug are riding together in a car. Jen apologizes to Pug about the attitude and that she is just having some second thoughts about the firm. She says that she is playing by their rules at the office and now she finds out that she is living under their roof. She says that she feels like she is being manipulated and not to even start her on Mallory Book. Pug says not to knock her and that she is one of the best they have. He says that most people think that what they do is a joke, but that Book doesn’t. She says that she views it as a way to try the cases that no one ever imagined before… a way to go down in legal history. She-Hulk asks Pug why he is interested in superhuman law. Pug tells her about one night when he was working his way through law school as a bouncer. He says that four guys from the Maggia crime family didn’t like the way he asked them to leave. They were beating him and that he doesn’t even want to think about what would have happened if Spider-Man hadn’t shown up. He says that he had never even seen him before or since, but that he saved him and left before he could thank him. He says that he does it to thank guys like Spider-Man for the way he looked out for him. They arrive at Avengers mansion. Jen says that Pug doesn’t have any powers and asks why he is in the Excelsior. Pug says that he asked for it when he heard about her deal with Holliway about not being “hulked up” as much. He says that he thought that he might be able to look out for her as well. He says that he knows that he isn’t the best lawyer, but that he can take a hit and maybe give her enough time to “hulk-up”. She-Hulk asks why she would do that and that he doesn’t even know her. Pug says that is the point and asks if she was even listening. Suddenly the Avengers mansion alarms go off. Jen realizes that she isn’t cleared for visitors anymore. The security system arms grab Pug and She-Hulk smashes her fist through the console. She asks Pug if he is all right. Pug says that he is fine, but that he feels like an idiot. He says that he is talking about watching her back and then she has to save him from a bunch of coat hangers. She-Hulk says that they are made out of a “super-strong carbonadium alloy”. Pug asks if She-Hulk’s people just make up words. Jen says not to make fun and that the arms attack anyone without Avengers clearance. Pug asks if they would go after the Thing. She-Hulk explains that they wouldn’t because Thing was an Avenger years ago and that he is still in the system. Pug asks if that counts for anyone that’s ever been on the team. He says that he just had a crazy idea. Jarvis runs out with a pot on his head and a baseball bat and asks She-Hulk if she set off the intruder alarm. Jen says that she is sorry and asks if he is wearing a pot on his head. Jarvis explains that it is cast in invulnerable forbushian alloy. She-Hulk says that Pug is right and that they sound like idiots. Jarvis asks if her new boyfriend is the intruder. Jen says that they just work together and that he is helping her move. Jarvis thanks Heaven and says that he will get a broom.

Monday, ten minutes before the trial, Mallory tells Jen that there is still time for her to get a snack, go to the bathroom, or grow big and green. Jen says that she isn’t dignifying that with a response. Mallory says that what she just said was a reponse, but Jen just tells her to shut up. Minutes later, the prosecution reminds the court that the testimony of Bailey Briggs has been decided. Mallory says that he has a right to be heard, but prosecution reminds her that he is dead and has no rights in a court of law. Mallory says that she would like to call an expert to refute that claim. The prosecution asks what claim she means. Mallory says that she means the claim that Bailey Briggs is dead. The prosecution says that he is a ghost and that you don’t get more dead than that. Mallory says that she asks for a little leeway since the state is asking for the death penalty. The judge grants it and tells her to move on. Mallory calls Benjamin J. Grimm to the stand.

Mallory has Thing tell the court about his recent adventure where he died and came back to life. Thing says that it was a first for him, but that he knows guys who die and come back to life all the time. He says that there is Wonder Man, Adam Warlock, Drax, and that even his pal the She-Hulk. Co-counsel leans over to Jen and asks if that is true. Jen says that it is and that she’s died twice. Thing says to not even get him started on how many super-villains die and come back. He says that if he had a nickel for every time Doctor Doom came back that he could take everyone there out for beer and hoagies. The prosecution objects and says that none of this has any relevance on their case. He says that all these examples are from the superhuman community and that Bailey Briggs had a violent, but normal death. The judge says that he has a point. Mallory says, “Uh…” Jennifer Walters stands up and introduces herself for the defense. She asks Ben if he ever witnessed this kind of thing happening to normal humans. She says that she brings to his attention the Infinity Gauntlet Affair. Thing says that was the time that Thanos killed half of the whole universe and then brought everybody back. Jen says that includes half of Earth’s population. She asks, with the court’s permission, for a showing of hands of how many people died and came back during that event. Certain people in the courtroom raise their hands… even an employee of the prosecution. The judge decides that she can’t deny Mr. Briggs his rights since he may one day rejoin the land of the living. She reverses her decision. Briggs suddenly appears hovering over the witness stand. The judge tells him that this is a court of law and to show a sense of decorum. Thing gets off the stand and says that he nearly gave him a heart attack. Thing walks past Jen. He says that she has his number if she needs him, and that she did a good job back there. Briggs has some trouble swearing in the witness since Bailey’s hand just passes through the bible. Bailey says that is just the way he is now, and that he will remain this way until his earthly affairs are resolved. The judge says to go ahead and proceed. Mallory says that she only has two questions. She asks if Maxwell Newton killed him. Bailey says that he did not. Mallory asks who did it then. Bailey points to Angie Cryer and says that it was the only woman that he ever loved.

Angie tells interrogators that she didn’t do it. Her attorney is about to advise her, but Angie says that she has nothing to hide and asks why she would kill him. She says that Newton had a reason to kill him and that he was costing him millions of dollars. She says that she was done with him, and that ever since he started working on his jet that they barely saw one another. She says that by the time she walked away that they were strangers. She asks why a passionless person would commit a crime.

Jen watches the interrogation as Mallory applies her lipstick. She asks Walters what she is doing and says that their case is closed. She says that the murder victim himself vouched for their client. Jen says that she doesn’t know and that the evidence and strongest motive point to Newton. She says that they should look into this. Mallory says that none of that matters and to stop thinking like a superhero. Jen says that she is thinking like the prosecutor and that if something is off that he is going to find it. Jen says that if Mallory wants him to be the one of blow the case wide open and ruin her perfect winning streak that is up to her.

Hours later, Mallory and Jen arrive at Hammer aeronautics. Mallory asks what they are doing there. Jen says that they are looking for something the cops may have missed. Mallory asks if she was a latchkey kid raised by television. She asks if that is from Matlock, Knight Rider, or Scooby Doo. Jen says that she isn’t listening to Mallory. Mallory asks how she knew what she said then, but Jen just tells her to shut up.

Inside the wind tunnel, the police ask them not to touch anything. Jen asks what all the little chalk circles are. The cop explains that is the chalk outlines of the victim’s body. Mallory asks if they can look around. The cop says that he can’t allow that. Mallory says that her assistant is an Avenger and that she has a card or a decoder ring that she can show him. The cop lets them enter. Jen asks if that was necessary. Mallory says that she told her that she was useful to have around. The two of them look at Bailey Brigg’s life work and Jen realizes that it is named “The Evangeline” after Angie Cryer. Mallory asks so what. Jen tells her to think about it. She says that he is a ghost that can never be touched or held, and sets up his lover for the death penalty. Bailey Brigg’s ghost watches the two of them. He disengages the safety protocols and sets the fan for reverse rotation at maximum speed. Mallory asks if he wouldn’t want revenge on his killer. Jen says that Bailey knows about the afterlife now and that he would know that it was a matter of time until his killer would die. The fan starts up. Mallory bangs on the glass. Bailey says that he is sorry, but that it will only hurt for a second. Jen grabs hold of the nose, but Mallory only grabs a piece of police tape before being sucked back. Jen changes into the She-Hulk. She leaps at Mallory and grabs her before passing through the fan unharmed. She-Hulk tells Mallory to talk to her. Mallory says that she underestimated She-Hulk. She says that she isn’t just good for reach high spots and heavy lifting. Jen is about to tell her that it is okay, but Mallory says that She-Hulk is also good as a human shield. Jen drops Mallory on the ground.

Hours later, Strange stands before a Cage of Cyttorak, Angie, a guard, Mallory Book, and Jennifer Walters. He tells them all that everything has happened for a reason. He reminds them that Bailey Brigg’s soul was in turmoil and that he would roam unfettered. Jen says that he means that they would be unable to hold him. Strange says that is true until his earthly affairs had been resolved. He tells her to confront him with the truth that they have uncovered and the Cage of Cyttorak will hold him. Jen says that she thought the truth would set you free. Strange says that the spiritual realm is filled with ironies. Bailey appears in the cage. Jen tells him that he lied under oath and accused Angie of a murder she didn’t commit. Mallory says that he perjured himself and got the real killer acquitted. She says that he knew he would eventually wind up in the land of eternal torment. Newton says that the jury said he was innocent. Strange says that he escaped justice here, but not in the afterlife. He says that the fact of this realization will cause him to have a coronary in three days. Jen says that this wasn’t about law, justice, or revenge. She says that this was about love. Bailey tells Angie that he never knew how to show her until it was too late. He says that he didn’t want to go on to the next world without her. He says that he will always love her. Angie says that is too bad and that she stopped loving him long ago. Bailey says that she will see and that they will be together in the next life. Briggs is told that after two counts of attempted murder that they are going to make sure that he serves out his afterlife sentence there on Earth. He is told that he can mess with whatever higher power he likes, but not with the American justice system.

Site for Sore Eyes rating: 7.5 out of 10

Review and picture by The Leader

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