She-Hulk #4

Title: “Web of Lies”

Writer: Dan Slott

Penciller: Juan Bobillo

Inker: Marcelo Sosa

Colors: Chris Chuckry

Editor: Tom Brevoort

Tuesday night, She-Hulk and Pug stand on top of a building flashing a signal into the sky. Pug asks if that is supposed to be a tick. She-Hulk says that it is a spider signal. Pug says that she has to redraw that, but She-Hulk tells him to lighten up and that he has to let her have a little creative input. She says that standing on a rooftop trying to get Spider-Man’s attention isn’t her idea of an ideal night. Pug says that this is important to him, and that if his plan works that he may have finally figured out a way to repay Spider-Man for saving him. Spider-Man sits on She-Hulk’s signal and says that he has seen better art under refrigerator magnets. She-Hulk says that it is artistic license. Pug gets all excited. Spidey asks She-Hulk why the invite. She-Hulk tells Pug to do the honors. Pug introduces himself and says that he is there to offer Spider-Man a legal way to take on one of his biggest enemies. Spider-Man asks if he is going to sue Doc Ock for sexual harassment, or Venom for copyright infringement, or Electro for assault with a battery. Pug tells him to think bigger as the “spider signal” flashes on the Daily Bugle.

Wednesday, J Jonah Jameson is on the phone shouting that he wants helicopters with mirrors on them so that another Spider signal can never shine on his building. Gloria Grant walks into his office. He is telling her not to bother him now, but she tells him that he is going to want to take this. She says that it is the ex-Mayor of Carmel. Jameson asks if she means Clint… Dirty Harry… the outlaw Josey Wales.. the Pale Rider. “Clint” enters the room and says that he prefers “Clyde the orangutan’s co-star”. Jameson says that he is a big fan. “Clint” hands Jameson a paper and asks if he could sign this. Jameson takes the paper. Suddenly Clint seemingly blows a bubble. Clint, or Ditto, tells Jameson that he has been served and that he is being sued by Spider-Man. Jameson freaks.

Thursday, Peter Parker is all excited over his lawsuit and asks Mary Jane if she can believe that he is finally going to have his day in court. Mary Jane asks if he thinks this is a good idea. Peter asks what is not to love. He says that finally people will know that he is the hero and that Jameson is a “grade-A flat top fink”. He says that a big fat settlement check wouldn’t hurt either. Mary Jane points out that it would be made payable to Spider-Man and not to Peter Parker. Pete says that he could give it to charity or buy Spider stuff with it. He says that he could get a Spider-Cave with a Spider-Mobile. MJ says that he already had a Spider-Mobile. Pete says that he could get a better one and a giant robot. MJ sighs.

Friday, Pug knocks on She-Hulk’s doors and thinks about asking Jen out on a date. He thinks to himself that he doesn’t want to bother her at the office, but that outside of the office she is always She-Hulk. She-Hulk opens the door and asks Pug if he is ready to work out.

In the gym, Pug says that he figured that She-Hulk would be working out as Jennifer Walters. She-Hulk asks why she would do that and that as the She-Hulk she is super strong. Pug points out that she is exponentially stronger. Jen asks what his point is. Pug says to forget it. She-Hulk asks if he wants to talk about the case and guesses that is why he asked her to come there. Pug says that he was wondering if she would take first chair. She-Hulk says that this is Pug’s big case… the one he wants more than anything. Pug says that he wants to WIN more than anything, and that he thinks that she is twice the lawyer than he is… and that he doesn’t mean in size. She-Hulk says that if that is what he really wants.

Scorpion stabs the article about the Spider-Man/Daily Bugle trial with his tail. He is sitting with Smythe. He says that two of his greatest foes will be together in one place ripe for plucking. Smythe says that they are going to be surrounded by police and security details. Scorpion says that is why he wants Smythe’s help and that he hates them almost as much he does. He says that if it wasn’t for them that his father would still be alive. Smythe says that his spider-slayers will be at Scorpion’s disposal.

July 24^th 2004, Pug and Jen sit in court. Pug keeps prepping Jen, but Jen tells him that they have been over this a hundred times. Pug says that he is sorry, but that its just his nerves. He says that it has been great working with her over the past few weeks. He says that he has learned a lot not only about the law, but about her. Pug is about to ask Jen out, but suddenly John Jameson recognizes Jen and calls out to her. Jen says that it is good to see him again. John says that he had to come and that he received a subpoena from a guy that looked just like John Glenn. Pug says that would be the shapeshifter Pug from where he and Jen work. John says that he should go say hi to his father. He asks Jen if she wants to get some dinner. Jen says that it is a date. She leans over to Pug and says that she just made a date with one of the witnesses. She says that is a conflict of interest. Pug asks if she did that on purpose. Jen says that she guesses that he will have to take first chair now. She tells him to knock em dead.

After opening statements, Pug calls Colonel John Jameson to the stand. Jonah says that it is a travesty of justice forcing a man’s own son to testify against him. Jonah’s lawyer shushes him. Pug says that during the course of the trial that they will show that Spider-Man has saved countless lives, but asks John Jameson if he wasn’t the first person that Spider-Man ever saved. John says that is true. He says that he was piloting a space capsule, but that it was out of control and set on a collision course with Earth. He says that if Spider-Man hadn’t found a way to reach him and install a replacement unit that he wouldn’t be there today. Pug says that after that incident that John’s father ran a front page story claiming that Spider-Man sabotaged the launch. He asks if there was ever any evidence found to support this wild accusation. John says that none was ever found.

A police officer testifies that Jameson was always trying to strong arm his men into arresting Spider-Man. He was always claiming that he could prove Spider-Man was really Electro or Mysterio. Pug says that each of the stories would wind up being false. Jameson stands up and says that one was Parker’s fault and that he sold him the photos.

Pug asks Ms. Betty Brant when Jameson found out that the warehouse fire, that was caused by Dr. Doom, what his reaction was. Ms. Brant says that she doesn’t recall. Pug reminds her that she is under oath and that she has a photographic memory. Betty says that Jameson told her to pin it on Spider-Man. Pug asks if he said why. Betty says that he said it was because it would make him money. He said that he more he attacked Spider-Man the more money he made.

Robbie Robertson says that at one time the billboard “Spider-Man: Myth or Menace” was half of their advertising budget. Pug says that every time the signs went up that the Bugle’s circulation spiked. He asks Robbie how much it went up. Robbie says that it was 300 percent.

Jameson yells at his lawyer and says that he is letting them walk all over him. Bachman tells Jameson to calm down. He says to look who the next witness is. He says that all he has to do is discredit him and that this will all be over. The judge asks Pug for his next witness. Pug wipes his brow with a hankerchief and asks for a moment. Pug turns to Jen. She tells him that he is out there. She tells him to keep it together and that he is doing great. Pug calls Spider-Man to the stand. Spider-Man swings into the witness stand. He webs the bible and catches it in his hand. The judge says that he won’t have his court turned into a circus. Spidey asks if he was talking to him. He asks if they can hurry this along because he has twelve other places to be this month. Jameson asks why no one is objecting to Spider-Man hiding behind a mask. He says that this is America and asks if he doesn’t have the right to face his accuser. Jonah asks how they even know that this is Spider-Man. Spidey asks if the whole swinging into the courtroom thing wasn’t enough for him. The judge tells them both to knock it off. Pug holds up an Avengers issue scanner. He says that it is the equipment used as part of their security system and that it can identify any member of the Avengers, even a reservist like Spider-Man, and identify them through a federal database. Pug uses it on Spider-Man and confirms his identity.

Pug tells Spider-Man that he has enlarged fifty of the Bugle’s front page stories and says that he is sure they would be interested to know how they matched up with what actually happened. Spider-Man says, “That never happened. Neither did that. Or that. Or that. Okay, that happened, but not that way. And… that did happen, but I’m not crazy about that photo. Makes me look fat.” Pug says that looking back on all the attacks he wonders why Spider-Man thinks that Jameson has it out for him. Spider-Man says that he didn’t know at first, but that after some soul-searching that he thinks he has figured it out. He says that the real reason Jonah hates him is because he is black. Everyone looks at Jonah and Jonah starts squirming. He says that he had no idea and that some of his best friends are black, but the Spider-Man says that he was just kidding. Everyone laughs and the judge demands order. Pug says that he has no further questions.

Jameson’s lawyer Bachman says that was funny and that Spider-Man is a funny guy. Spider-Man says that it helps to have a sense of humor when you’re going head to head with the Rhino. Bachman asks if that goes for harassing his client as well. Spider-Man says that Jonah is the one that harasses him. Bachman asks how many times Spider-Man has webbed up Jonah’s chair or left him suspended from a high place or asphyxiated him with a powerful epoxy. Spidey says that he was just getting back at him for all the lies he printed about him. Bachman asks if the lie is that he is a dangerous vigilante. Bachman asks if Spider-Man didn’t have a hand in both the deaths of Captain Stacy and his daughter Gwen. He asks if Spider-Man didn’t bring a dangerous symbiote to Earth that gave rise to both Venom and Carnage. Spider-Man doesn’t answer. Bachman says that he has no further questions. The judge tells Spider-Man to step down. Jonah starts mocking Spider-Man, but Bachman tells him to stop.

Spider-Man clutches his head as he is hit with his spider sense. Jen says that he wasn’t that bad and that they are still okay. Spider-Man tells her not to bet on it. Suddenly Whiz Kid, a super speedster, runs into the courtroom with a message from the mailroom of GLK&H. Spider-Man asks if they never heard of cell phones. Jen sees that Scorpion and an army of spider slayers are making their way toward the courthouse. Pug asks if they should ask for a recess and clear the court. Jen says that she and Spider-Man can handle it. She says that she has been watching Pug all day and that she wanted to tell him that he is good. Spider-Man sticks Jen to his feet and webs out of the courtroom.

She-Hulk says that this is cool, but Spider-Man says that with the cost of webbing that it is almost cheaper to take the subway. Jen tells him to live it up and that he is about to get a multi-million dollar settlement. Spider-Man says that now he can afford a new truss. He tells her to warn a guy next time that she weighs 500 pounds. She-Hulk asks if he wants some cheese with his whine. They encounter Scorpion and the spider slayers. Scorpion swings his tail at Spider-Man and says that he will crush him. She-Hulk fights the spider slayers. She asks what Scorpion wants to get out of this. Scorpion says that he wants revenge on Spider-Man for getting him stuck in the scorpion suit. Spider-Man says that it could have been worse and that it could have been a chicken outfit. She-Hulk says that she read Scorpion’s file when she was an Avenger and that it was Jameson that put Gargan in the suit in another attempt to lash out at Spider-Man. Scorpion says that it was Jameson’s fault and that now he is going to pay. Scorpion grabs Spider-Man with his tail and nails him against a truck. He says that Jameson is going to pay.

Jameson is telling his lawyer that Spider-Man is a menace, and that the Bugle provides a valuable service to the public revealing him as the self serving glory hound that he is. Bachman thanks Jameson for his insights. Bachman tells Pug that it is his turn. Pug asks about all the valuable services that Spider-Man provides. About all the super-villains that he keeps them safe from. Jameson says that before Spider-Man was around that there weren’t any super-villains. He says that Spider-Man’s presence seems to create them. Bachman asks why Jonah had to go there. Pug asks Jameson if he wasn’t the one that funded the project that created the Scorpion. He asks if that wasn’t the same procedure that created the Fly and the spider-slayers. He says that as far as ties to super-villains how about they look at the Daily Bugle staff. Pug says that Jonah hired Fredrick Foswell, who was the crime lord known as The Big Man, and Jacob Conover, who was the Rose. He says that Betty Brant was linked to the Terrier, Robbie Robertson was a childhood friend of Tombstone, Glory Grant dated the Lobo Brothers, and that Peter Parker was almost Doc Ock’s nephew by marriage. He says that maybe it is the Bugle’s fault that the super-villains are around and that Spider-Man is just cleaning up Jameson’s mess. Pug says that he has no further questions.

She-Hulk tells Scorpion not to go into the courthouse. Scorpion asks how she will stop him. He says that she may be stronger than him, but that he is as fast as, if not faster, than Spider-Man. He says that Jameson will be dead by the time she catches up. She-Hulk says that he can go and kill him or stay outside and make him really pay. She says that Jameson is in there losing a multi-million dollar suit and that for a penny pincher like Jameson that is worse than death. She says that if he goes in there he may cause a mistrial and that could make the case go away. Scorpion stalls. Suddenly, Spider-Man swings into Scorpion’s face and knocks him out. He asks what he missed. He says that is the first time that he ever saw someone argue their way out of a fight. He asks where he can get a law degree. She-Hulk modestly tells him to stop.

Later at the Daily Grind, Mary Jane enters the diner. Peter sees her and tells her that the Globe is having a field day roasting Jonah over the coals. Peter reads her some of the editorial. MJ says that he is really enjoying himself, but then says that he has some mustard on his face. She goes to wipe it off with a napkin. Peter says that he hasn’t had anything to eat yet, but then suddenly MJ turns into Ditto. He tells Parker that he has been served.

June 25^th, 2004, Peter Parker sits in the witness box and says to talk about déjà vu. Pug asks what he said, but Peter dismisses it. Pug says that Peter has been a contributing photographert at the Daily Bugle over the years. Peter admits it. Pug says that many of his photos have been collected into a popular coffee table book. Peter says that it is called Webs and that it is still available for $29.95. Pug asks if he still gets royalties. Peter says he does. Pug asks if it isn’t true that Peter has been caught faking photos of Spider-Man’s battles, like the images of Electro that Jameson mentioned. Peter admits it. Pug asks if he hasn’t also dressed like Spider-Man to stage fake photos. Parker tries to say that there were special circumstances, but Pug advises him not to say anything else without counsel present. Pug says that he intends to sue Parker on behalf of his client.

The following morning, Spider-Man goes to GLK&H and tells Pug that he wants to settle. Jen says that he is the client, and that you have to respect his wishes.

Pug, Jen, and Spider-Man meet with Bachman and Jameson. Pug says that Spider-man will drop all monetary damages and forgo any future claims on one condition. Bachman wants to hear it. Pug says that both Jameson and Parker have to hand out public apologies for one entire business day. Spider-Man says that he wants them wearing chicken suits. Jameson says that he wouldn’t do that in a million years. Bachman tells him to take it and that Spider-Man could take him and Parker for over three hundred million. Jameson’s face drops.

Outside the Daily Bugle, Peter and Jameson are dressed up in chicken suits handing out apologies. Jameson is yelling at the people as he does so.  Peter says, “Oh, cheer up. This isn’t that bad, Mr. Jameson.” Jonah asks Peter what he said about using his name. He says that no one must ever know about this.

Pug walks with Jen. He holds his apology and an ice cream cone. He says that he thinks that he is going to get it framed. He says that it is no check for 300 million dollars, but that a win is a win. Jen agrees and asks if there wasn’t something that Pug wanted to ask her. Pug says that it can wait.

Site for Sore Eyes rating: 8.5 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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