She-Hulk #5

Title: “The Big Picture part one: More Than a Handful”

Writer: Dan Slott

Penciller: Paul Pelletier

Inkers: Tom Simmons w/ Don Hillsman

Colors: Avalon Studios

Editor: Tom Brevoort

Southpaw stands outside Ace Records, a new and used music shop, getting ready to fight the New Warriors for shoplifting. Speedball asks who goes through the trouble of stealing CD’s. Southpaw says that she takes whatever she wants. Speedball says that he just meant that she should steal them online and that it is so much easier. Turbo tells the Warriors to be carefeul. She says that Southpaw was on the news last night taking out half a police precinct by herself. Nova says that they will see how she does against him. He flies in and Southpaw hits him with her giant gauntlet. Nova is sent flying through the air and crashes through two buildings before he lands. Southpaw creates an energy hand that grabs Namorita. Speedball says that he didn’t know she could do that, but Southpaw says that none of them has any idea what she can do. Southpaw tells them all to back off or she will pop blondie like a zit. Night Thrasher sneaks up behind Southpaw and touches a certain part on her neck rendering her body useless. The energy hand disappears. Turbo asks Namorita if she is okay. Namorita says that she is fine and that it isn’t the first time someone has been a little too grabby. She asks Speedball if that isn’t so, but he takes the fifth. As the police load Southpaw into the pasddywagon, Night Thrasher tells them that she won’t be giving them any trouble, at least from the neck down, for the next twenty minutes. The cop asks if there has been any word on their teammate. Speedball says that buckethead came down in New Jersey. Southpaw shouts that she wants her lawyer.

Half an hour earlier at Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg, and Holliway, Bobo is holding a smashed chair and begging Jennifer Walters to make his case go away. Jen says that she can only do so much, and that he just can’t fling his poop at people. Bobo explains that he is a chimpanzee, and that no matter what the High Evolutionary turned him into that is who he really is. He says that when he gets upset that he throws feces. Jen says that if she uses that argument that they are liable to send him to the zoo instead of jail. Bobo starts to freak out. He reaches out for Jen, but Pug grabs hold of Bobo and slams him into the wall and says, “Keep your stinking paws to yourself you damned ditry ape!” Jen thanks Pug, but just then John Jameson arrives to pick up Jen. He asks if he is early, but Jen says that he is right on time. He says that he can come back later if she is in the middle of something. Jen says that she is wrapping up and to let her grab her coat. Jen asks Pug if he is okay. Pug tells her to go on her date thing. Jen tells Bobo that they will talk more later. She tells him that he will be billed for the chair, but not the damage to the wall. Jen and John walk out. Bobo asks Pug what is the matter with him. He says that he wasn’t going to do anything to her, and that it was just a primate male posturing thing. Pug watches Jen and John walking away and Pug says that he knows.

Jen and John sit at on outside table. Jen asks if he remembers the first time they met. John asks why women always do this. He says that it was on a subatomic world within Jen’s mother’s necklace. Jen asks if he remembers what she was wearing. John says that it was a tattered white number. Jen says that he was wearing a fur coat and gaudy jewelry. She says that not many guys could pull it off. John says that it is a typical boy meets girl story. Jen adds if the girl is green and the boy is a man-wolf. People around the table start talking about a celebrity and approaching for autographs. Jen starts apologizing to John for this, but it turns out that the people want John’s autograph. Jen thinks to herself that she isn’t the center of attention, but that the sky isn’t falling. Suddenly, from out of the sky, Nova smashes into a nearby building. Big chunks of the building start to fall. Jen instantly changes into She-Hulk. She tells John to deal with crowd control and then catches a big chunk about to crush people. A woman is on the ground. She says that her father is in a wheelchair and that she accidentally pushed him out into the streets when she fell. John runs out and protects the old man with his body. He tells the man to go limp, but She-Hulk has stopped the bus. John tells her that was a nice one, but Jen says that it was nothing and that she catches this bus all the time.

Back at GLK&H, Mallory Book walks into Holliway’s office and says that she thought he should know that the New Warriors just captured Southpaw. Holden says that it finally happened. She’s in custody. He says that her gauntlet can’t be taken off and that they are going to have to take her to a superhuman holding facility. He asks if they are taking her to the Raft of the Big House. Mallory says that it was the Big House. Holden says that is good and that they can use that. Holden tells Mallory to bring everybody in on this one and to call in every favor. He says that this is priority one. The phone rings. She-Hulk is signing autographs. She tells Holden that she is going to take the rest of the day off and that an emergency came up. Holden tells Mallory that Mr. Walters, or rather the She-Hulk judging by the timber of her voice, is not coming back to the office today. Mallory asks if it was a case of the green flu and wonders how often that will be happening. Holden says that he doesn’t care. He says that only Southpaw matters now. He tells Mallory to bring him all the files they have on the place they are taking her and that he wants to know everything.

At the Big House, in cell #103 Mad Thinker asks his fellow inmates for some cover. All the other inmates start shouting at the guards. Mad Thinker turns to Southpaw in the cell next to him and introduces himself. He says that he had anticipated her arrival there, and that he has a plan that can free the two of them as well as one tenth of the prison’s population. He asks if she is interested. Southpaw tells him to stick it and that she will be out of there in no time. She says that she has friends in high places. Thinker says that they all have friends in high places. He says that it is all relative, but that for some of them that it is a little more relative than for others. Southpaw asks if he knows. Thinker says that he knows all kinds of things and that he is a useful friend to have. He says that is why he let himself be captured… so he could make some friends. He says that she would do well to be one of them. Southpaw asks what she needs to do. Thinker tells her that when she is talking with the old man to keep him going for twenty-two and a half minutes. The guard shouts for the inmates to shut up. He towers over all the tiny cells and tells then that he will break out the hamster wheel any time that he wants.

Sunset at Central Park West, She-Hulk asks John Jameson what he wants to do now. John says that they have already sat in on TRL, rollerbladed in the part, and shopped on 5^th avenue. She-Hulk says that she was thinking of catching a few innings at Yankee stadium or getting some dinner at the Rainbow Room. John says that he was actually have a good time just sitting and talking with Jennifer. Suddenly She-Hulk’s phone rings. She picks it up. Holden tells her that playtime is over and that it is time to get back to work. He tells her not to bother changing back into Jennifer and that they need the She-Hulk on this one. She-Hulk realizes that she is busted.

A little later at Pym’s experimental prison, the Big House, She-Hulk says that she thought they had a deal and that she wasn’t supposed to be She-Hulk at work. She says that he can’t keep changing the rules on her. Holden says that he is sorry, but that her concerns are the least of his concern right now. She-Hulk asks what is. Holden says that their latest client, a fifteen year old girl, has been locked up here with some of the world’s most hardened criminals. He asks if she knows about the Big House. She-Hulk says that Pym showed her the plans for it. Holden says that it is quite clever from a cost effective point of view. He says that it is cheaper to feed, clothe, and house them and that the place requires minimal staff. She-Hulk says that if anyone manages to break out that they aren’t such a big threat. She-Hulk looks through one of the tiny windows and sees the Wrecking Crew mopping up. She says, “Who’s the cutest little Wrecking Crew? You are! Yes, you are!” Holden tells one of the officers that they are there to see Southpaw and that he believes that she is being held in C-block. The officer says that it is feeding time and that they should all be in the mess, or as it is called “The Kiddy Table”.

The guards are served right next to the inmates, who are inside an energy field. One of the cops asks the waitress Rosie of it bothers her that all those cons are looking up her dress. Mad Thinker talks with those at his table. He says that in 65 seconds that his plan will go into effect. He tells Figment and Mandrill that they are going to be left behind with about 5% of their number. He says that it is regrettable, but that they will be well compensated. The guard comes to get Southpaw. Thinker says that the field will take 19.5 seconds to recharge and that it is up to Vermin and his little friend. A rat runs into the mess and Rosie starts to freak. The rat runs up to the “Kiddy Table” and picks Scorpion up in its mouth. Sandman snickers to Thinker that he guesses Scorpion is one of the 5% left behind. Thinker says that he is and tells Sandman to do his part. Sandman says that he knows what he is doing. Sandman asks Figment if she is up for this. Figment says that she and her illusions are always up for a good show. The female guard picks up Scorpion while a male guard stomps the rat to death. He tells everyone to go back to C-block unless they want to get stomped too. The guard thinks he is watching them walk back, but the mass of super-villains hasn’t actually moved. Figment walks back to C-block alone. Silencer conceals their speech from the guards.

Holden sits opposite Southpaw, who is magnified on his head by a giant magnifying glass. He tells her to talk to him, but Southpaw asks what she could say that he would want to hear. Holden says to tell him about the gang. He asks if the D-Generation gang was the reason she is here. He asks if she fell in with the wrong crowd. Southpaw says that they were her crew. She says that she put them together and that she would still be with them if they hadn’t kicked her out. She tells him to stop making excuses for her and that she hates that. She says that she isn’t like this because of who she hands out with, because mom and dad died, or because she found the gauntlet. She says that this is just who she is. Holden says that he remembers the wonderful little girl she used to be. He says that Sasha is still in there somewhere and that he loves her. Jen asks if Holden knows Southpaw. Holden says that he is Southpaw’s grandfather.

The doctors are examining Scorpion. He says that Scorpion’s injuries are too severe for the microscopic tools. He says that he will have to shrink down and perform the surgery. He says that he will need four canisters of the reducing gas.

As the guards open the vault with the gas inside, the super-villains appear. Rhino leaps into one of the canisters and breaks it open. Whirlwind directs the wind so that only the male guards are shrunk down. The female guard is left full size. The Wrecking Crew stands over the guards and say that they aren’t so big now. The female guard is being held down by a large assortment of villains. Thinker says that by the time the gas wears off that they will be long gone. Thinker shrinks Mandrill down even further. Mandrill climbs up into the woman guard’s nose. While his powers are affected by his size he can still control the woman while next to her olfactory senses.

Holden thanks the warden for accommodating them at such a late hour. The warden says that he will get someone to escort Southpaw back to her cell. Holden says that won’t be necessary. He says that she will be coming with them. He says that his law firm is questioning the constitutionality of shrinking someone against their will… especially a minor. He says that there are health issues at stake. He says that the previous cases of Pym Particle exposure have been linked to violent behavior, multiple personalities, and cancer. Holden says that with the permission of the court, state, and local government that he has been granted custody of his granddaughter with the stipulation that she be placed under the direct supervision of a credited Avenger. She-Hulk says that this is not happening.

About to leave, She-Hulk asks Holden when he was planning to tell her about this. Holden tells her that he is on the phone. She-Hulk says that she is “this close” to throwing him back to Manhattan. The warden, standing with the female guard, asks for a word with She-Hulk. Holden makes arrangements to meet with Hank Pym. She-Hulk promises the warden that she is on top of this. The female guard extends her hand to She-Hulk and says that it is a pleasure to meet her. As they shake hands, the now microscopic villains leap from the female guard’s hand onto the She-Hulk’s.

Site for Sore Eyes rating: 9 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

RETURN TO ISSUES PAGE

RETURN TO SITE FOR SORE EYES

RETURN TO LEADER'S LAIR