She-Hulk #9

Title: “Strong Enough”

Writer: Dan Slott

Penciller: Paul Pelletier

Inker: Rick Magyar

Colors: Avalon Studios’ Dave Kemp

Editor: Tom Brevoort

Two weeks ago, Hercules knocks over Armadillo with his cudgel. He thanks Armadillo, Constrictor, and Mad Jack for attacking the armored car. He says that their villainy is most welcome because he has been aching for some sport. Constrictor wraps a coil around Hercules’ left arm. Hercules whips him around and knocks Mad Jack off his pogo. Hercules pulls Constrictor in with the coil and then punches him away with his cudgel. Constrictor flies away and crashes into a building. Mad Jack asks Constrictor if he is okay. Armadillo asks if that is his face and says that he thinks he is going to be sick.

Constrictor’s lawyer says that he has had physical therapy, dental surgery, facial reconstruction, and pain and suffering. She says that Hercules is looking at 18 million dollars in damages. Mallory Book says that Frank Schlicting is a known superhuman offender who was taking part in an armed hijacking. Hercules says that he is a base villain and that he smote him. He asks if they have all taken leave of their senses. Constrictor tells “Jerkules” that he is going to take him for everything he’s got. Mallory and Constrictor’s lawyer step off to the side. Mallory asks if she knows the success rate for super-villains collecting damages. Frank’s lawyer says that her client is willing to risk it. Book says that he is an accredited Avenger. While they are talking, Hercules calls Constrictor a “churlish rogue”. He grabs him and starts pounding him. Book shouts for Hercules to put him down.

Outside in the offices, Holliway watches as Howard the Duck argues about his movie contract guaranteeing him a trilogy and prequels. Valkyrie asks if she needs a license and is told that she needs one to operate a flying horse. Suddenly, She-Hulk, Pip, and Southpaw reappear. Jen says that she can’t believe they are finally home. Southpaw shouts, “Indoor plumbing, here I come!” Pip tells She-Hulk to ease up on his hand and that she is crushing it. Jen apologizes and says that she guesses she isn’t used to her new strength level yet. Pip says that he has to be going, but that if she ever needs another cosmic hop to just page him with her “space-lawyer doohickey” and he will be over. She-Hulk says that it is a “Magistrati badge of office”. Pip says, “whatever”. She-Hulk asks if she gets no hug. Pip says, “With those pythons? Do that and I’d hafta change my name from Pip to Popped!” He teleports away. Holliway sees them and says that he can’t tell them how relieved he is to see them back. He looks at She-Hulk and says that she is “looking… healthy.” She-Hulk says that it is a long story, and that she will just say that she has been working out. Southpaw says that what hasn’t been working out is this stupid deal he set up. She says that she is placed in the “green goofball’s custody” and then sent to the stinkhole of the universe. She-Hulk asks if she thinks she is a joy to be with. Holliway says that it won’t be going on much longer and that thankfully they came back right before Southpaw’s case went to trial. He says that he can’t believe they were gone for three months. A look of shock comes over She-Hulk’s face. She realizes that she hasn’t checked in with the Avengers, or called her father. She says, “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern!” and then says that they have to go. She-Hulk grabs Southpaw and starts stomping her way out. Holliway tries to tell She-Hulk about Plan B again, but he can’t be heard over thunderous footsteps. She-Hulk hails a cab, but when one stops she accidentally pulls the door right off its hinges. The cab drives off and She-Hulk shouts that she is sorry. Southpaw asks if she can just chill for a second. Jen says that they have to get across town. She says that she has seen her cousin do this all the time. She leaps into the air with Southpaw. Southpaw asks if she is insane and who Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are.

Pug feeds Jen’s fish. She-Hulk knocks in her own door. She asks if her fish are okay. Pug says that he has been feeding them twice a day. Southpaw asks if she just tore up twelve city blocks for a bunch of goldfish. She calls She-Hulk and idiot. She-Hulk realizes that she is right. She says that whenever she is She-Hulk that she is thinking about something one minute and doing it the next. She says that with her strength at these levels that it is way too dangerous. She says that she has to change back into Jen, but asks how she can do that when she has to keep an eye on her. She says that the second her back is turned that Southpaw will probably knock her upside the head and take off. Southpaw says that sounds about right. Pug tells She-Hulk not to worry and that the boss figured this all out. He says that they have a “Plan B”. He shouts down the hall for Awesome Andy. Pug says that there are times when she will need to be Jen, like in court or on a date or something, and that since Andy can adapt and match any super-power, that they thought he could help out watching Southpaw every now and then. Southpaw runs to Andy and hugs him. She says that she will take anything to get away from “Moldylocks and her three brain cells”. She-Hulk says, “Right back at you, kid.” as she changes into Jennifer. Southpaw asks Andy if he is carded and asks if he can buy beers. Pug looks at Jen, in her human form, and says that she looks great. Jen says that she has been working out and that it is actually because of something Pug said. She says that to make a long story short that it seems like she, and an entire alien planet, owe Pug one. She says that isn’t to mention him taking care of her apartment, feeding her fish, and watering her plants. She says that he is a handy guy to have around and that he has to let her do something for him. Jen looks at her machine and sees that she has 134 messages. Pug starts to tell Jen that what with Andy looking after Southpaw now that he was hoping that the two of them could do something, but Jen has started her messages and the first one is from John Jameson. He was saying that he thought they were going out that night. She says that the poor guy must think she had fallen off the face of the Earth… she says that technically she did. She asks Pug to hold on and that this won’t take long. Jen calls John. She tells him that she is so sorry that she disappeared, but that she was trapped in deep space. Pug sheepishly says that he guesses he will see her back at the office. Jen doesn’t answer, but instead laughs that she is sure John has used that line before too. She asks John if he isn’t doing anything later if he would want to hook up. She says that she is going to swing by the Baxter Building later.

Loomis stands outside Jen’s apartment. He makes a call and says that he’s been there for months, and that she is finally back. He asks his boss if he should keep a tail on her.

In GLK&H’s multimedia room. Mallory Book is showing Constrictor and his lawyer footage of when Hercules saved Hackensack from Mr. Mechano’s killbots. Constrictor sobbingly says that his mother lives in Hackensack. Mallory says that adding that to the number of times Hercules has saved the world that he has saved Constrictor and his loved ones at least 85 times. Constrictor’s lawyer tells Mallory that this is a new low for her. Mallory says that when you represent super heroes that you would be surprised how often this works. Constrictor says that it might be the painkillers talking, but that with all the good Hercules has done, and what a crumb he has been, that if Hercules just helps him pay his hospital bills that he will drop the whole thing. Hercules says that this seems fair and says that maybe he has misjudged Constrictor. He says that only one stout of heart and spirit would make so generous an offer. Hercules says that he accepts and slaps Constrictor on his back.

Constrictor’s lawyer tells the judge that is why they are seeking 168 million in damages. Constrictor says, “Oylknn”. The judge asks if Constrictor just asked something. She says that they can’t tell and that everything he says now sounds like “oil can”.

At the Baxter Building, John Jameson says that he just wants to make sure that he has this right. He asks her if, to win a fight on an alien planet, that she trained for three months as Jennifer Walters. Jen says that when she changed back to She-Hulk that she would become exponentially stronger. John says that she is having a hard time controlling that strength. Jen says that is why she is dropping by to see if Reed Richards can come up with a solution. John asks if he mentioned that she looks great. Jen says that he did numerous times. Jen asks what is in John’s bag. John says that it is a secret.

Jen thanks Reed for seeing her on such short notice. Reed says that he always has time for her. Thing asks John Jameson how things are back at the space program. John says that it hasn’t been the same since Ben left. He says that it is good to see Commander Grimm. John tells Reed that he actually has something that might help him with Jen’s problem. John takes the Jupiter suit out of his bag. He says that it is something that Tony Stark and the boys at NASA put together for him when he temporarily gained uncontrollable super strength. Reed looks at the suit. He says that it is an interesting design, and that with a few modifications that it should work nicely. Jen asks if they can start the adjustments with the colors. She says, “Yellow and green? Puh-lease.”

Reed tests She-Hulk, wearing her new Jupiter suit, inside a press. Reed says that they have reached Thing’s maximum setting. Thing asks She-Hulk if she has to do that one-handed. He says that he is the idol of millions being upstaged by a girl. Reed tells Thing that there is no place for sexism in the world of empirical science. Reed says that all readings from the suit are normal. He asks She-Hulk how it feels on her end. Jen says that it is good and that it feels like having the same level of control she has in her “Jen Walters” form. She-Hulk says that reminds her. She tells Reed that a while ago she received a strong dose of radiation, and that he told her that she would never be able to become Jen Walters again. She says that since the Red Zone affair with the Avengers that she has been changing back and forth all the time. Thing says, “Wait a sec, Shulkie, did he say it like this? ‘I’m sorry, old friend, but it looks like you’ll stay this way forever.” Thing breaks up laughing. He says, “Oh brother! Can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve heard Stretcho use that line! I swear, once I saw him practin’ it in the mirror!” Reed tells Thing that is enough. He tells Jen that he has all the readings he needs for now. He says that the Jupitor suit should hold. He says that in the meantime he will look for a more permanent solution, and that he will look into her other quandary as well. Jen thanks Reed and Thing says goodbye. Thing turns to Reed and says that they are gone. He asks if he is ever going to tell her. Reed says that Ben is right and that she deserves to know the truth. Reed says that it is time he called Doc Samson.

Outside on the street, Loomis points out She-Hulk to a woman in a treach coat and hat. The woman says that now she can get her revenge on “that big, green witch”. Loomis says that it too much information for him. He says that she wanted her found, and that he found her. He says that is what gumshoes do. He says that what she chooses to do with that information is her business. Titania pulls off her jacket and hat. She says that it isn’t business… it’s personal.

John tells She-Hulk that as long as they are out and about he asks why she doesn’t change back into Jennifer Walters. She-Hulk says that she likes being She-Hulk. She tells John not to tell her that he has some Jameson family anti-super hero thing. John says that it isn’t that, but then suddenly Titania comes charging up at She-Hulk. She tells John to hold that thought. She punches Titania and sends her flying. John watches her sail and asks which one that was. She-Hulk says that it was Titania. John says that she is getting good distance. She-Hulk says that she got a good piece of that one. John says that she is still going and that maybe they ought to go back up and let Reed do some fine tuning. She-Hulk says, “Why? It’s working perfectly.”

Day Two of Hercules v. Constrictor, Mallory Book and Constrictor’s lawyer, June Decker are arguing over usage of the tape. The judge says that the tape is admissible and that it is his final ruling. He tells Ms. Decker that she may proceed. Pug asks Mallory if they got a tape of the actual beating. Mallory says that it is much worse. The tape rolls and the jury watches in amazement as Hercules, in a bar after the fight, sings a song about how he pummeled Constrictor. Hercules snaps his fingers at what he considers a snappy tune and starts to sing along with his arms around Pug and Mallory.

Later in GLK&H’s media room, Jennifer Walters shows footage of Southpaw demolishing her high school. She asks Southpaw why she did that. Southpaw says that they brought back school uniforms. Jen looks down the list at multiple accounts of theft, assault, destruction of private and public property. Jen asks Southpaw if she really wrecked half of Disneyland. Southpaw says that it is was Disneyworld. She says that it is much larger and to give credit where it is due. Jen tells Holliway that she doesn’t know what he expects her to do with this case and that Southpaw is an indefensible punk. Holliway says that he knows that when she puts her mind to it that she can come up with something. Jen says that she is coming up with a migraine. Jen overhears Pug saying that maybe they could claim diplomatic immunity. He says that Hercules is a Prince and asks if New York recognizes Mount Olympus. Mallory says that is interesting. She asks Stu if there is anything he can pull from the long boxes. Stu says that they could claim that Constrictor willingly confronts stronger superhumans. He holds up a copy of Incredible Hulk and says that Constrictor is aware of the consequences of his chosen lifestyle. Book says that they could claim that Hercules is crazy and make them prove that he really is Hercules instead of a nut that thinks he is Hercules. Hercules smashes the table and asks if they would have him say that he is not the Lion of Olympus. He says, “Fie on your schemes, woman!” Jen runs into the room and tells Hercules to stop this. Hercules tells Jen that it isn’t wise to address him this way when he is in a bad mood. Jen says that she knows how to make this all go away. Hercules tells her to speak then. Jen tells Hercules to pay him the money. Jen says that he stopped them from robbing the armored car because it was against the law. She says that the same laws apply to him. She says that if he disrespects those laws and twists them to escape his responsibilities that he is no better than the bad guys. She tells Herc to pay up because it is the right and honorable thing to do. Hercules says that he will do it though it will cost him all of his Olympian gold. He says to never let it be said that he strayed from the righteous path. Mallory shouts at Walters that this was her case and her client. Jen says that  it is her problem. She says that she is sick of the tricks and clever outs. She says that sometimes it is important to do what is right. Jen says to excuse her and that she has to go write a check for the repairs to twelve city blocks. Southpaw says that she guesses that means Walters is going to sell her up the river too.

Three weeks later, Jen and Hercules are arm wrestling. Jen sees a picture of Constrictor that he sent to Herc. She says that she sees he is rubbing it in. Hercules says to let him and that he paid dearly for it. She-Hulk asks Herc what happens now. Hercules beats She-Hulk arm wrestling and says that now he will go and put his arms to a more honest trade. He says that he is not above a good day’s work. Hercules leaves and She-Hulk thinks to herself that she just threw three rounds to Hercules at arm wrestling. She knows that Herc was giving it all he had so she had to let him think he won. She wonders how strong she really is.

Site for Sore Eyes rating: 7 out of 10

Review and pictures by The Leader

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